Sunday, February 29, 2004
i'm backkkkk :)
nette and i went first. shopped. and bought clothes! hahah it was q nice but spent alot.
then studying.. but more like nette's studying day. hahah the three of us didn't really do much. they were helping nette with amaths, while i was, well, complaining of boredness.
but anyhow, it was fun :) missed them!
played the silly game but didn't make it. hahah was so funny. (with reference to nette's blog, FINE I DIDN'T PAY. hahah i contributed five bucks but jan didn't use it ok! grrr.)
she left, ate dinner at pasta mania, took neos, taka to get jankor's book, then cabbed home. kind of just reached home. gotta rush the undone hwk.
great, great, happy, happy day :D
school's starting again. yucks yucks YUCKS. freaking tired.
I'd do anything, just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Somehow I can't put you in the past
I'd do anything, just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me?
'Cause I know I won't forget you.
8:57 PM
Saturday, February 28, 2004
just read blogs about netball. but no idea what to feel.
i mean, after the cedar match, i felt it. that disappointment, that pain. i felt it. but after i got over that, it was ok. losing to rgs was expected and it was ok, losing to ij was expected and it was ok, and even losing to henderson didn't leave much of an impact on me. henderson's match was the lousiest match i've ever seen us play, and ironically, it was our last match. but it was still ok.
crescent netball was never what you could call a strong team, never. but we were strong enough to beat tkgs in cdiv, but not strong enough to beat northland or nanyang. but we were strong enough to beat cedar last yr, but not strong enough to beat outram, who, in turn, lost to cedar. this year, we lost to cedar by one goal, in the last three seconds, and because of that, we had to face rgs and ij, taking our chance in the nationals away by 100%.
and cedar, in the other group, with all the much easier teams, let us down. i don't want to say this, but they let us down. they lost every single match there, and i'm sure they could have won. outram deserved to get in, i admit. but scgs? BUT SCGS? how the hell did they ever get in? if we won cedar, we'd have done it. we'd have wanted it more than cedar. i thought cedar deserved to win our match, because it was a fact that they played better, but no, i change my mind. we deserved to win it, not cedar. how could they have given up something we'd die to have again.
but it's ok, it really is ok. it's all over. this is the end.
if you asked me what i have gained from netball, i'd say, everything. everything i am now, and will be in future, is because of netball, and only netball. from netball, i've gained everything i have now.
i've gained my friends, you guys. how many times did they try to break us up, to seperate us. how many times did they curse us, want to bash us up. how many times. but they failed miserably, again and again. there were times we drifted, times our friendships became superficial, times we quarreled, times we were desperately salvaging the bond. but, we did it. we're still standing as one, stronger than ever. never once did we falter as our sorority held us firm.
now, i know how passion feels like. now, i know how hope feels like. now, i know how disappointment feels like. i'll never forget when we beat tkgs in the rain, by 3. i'll never forget when we lost to cedar, by 1. not in my whole entire life.
miss toh, thank you. she brought us from a nothing to a something. she believed in us, trained us, forced us. she was proud of us, she was disappointed with us. i'll never forget when we cried, and cried with her the day before she left. she might not mean as much as she meant one year ago, but in us, miss toh lives, forever.
no other coach mattered to me, especially not miss chng. it's not her fault for not committing to us, but from a crescent netballer's point of view, she's crap.
my teams. the cdiv team impacted me, but it was a very individualistic team. the 2003 bdiv did not leave much. this year, i'd just say we all tried hard. we all tried so hard. even if in the end, nothing came out of it, it doesn't matter anymore.
that's it. i'm fine with anything from now on.
__________________
alrights. that asshole who stole siying's phone will burn. in. hell.
annie came over to study today :) hahah. i'm a lazy girl, who is addicted to the roti prata outside laura's house. yummy.
tmr's trio study :D can't wait.
It's been so hard for me to give my heart away
But I would give my everything, just to hear you say
Someone to have and hold, with all my heart and soul
I need to know, before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around, (who warns) my ups and downs
So tell me now, before I fall in love
11:59 AM
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
hahah. today was a long and funky day :) extremely tired!
ij match. i was planning to go 'i forgot the final score but first qtr was 8-5' when people asked. then it'd be like WHOA but no.. too cheat la. hahah. 46-13? sth like that. it sound so yucks but we managed to reach our goal.
8-5 was really, really remarkable :)
i don't think they played their best today, but they picked up (and we slacked) towards the last two qtrs. but it's fine.. all for fun. hahah i think we kind of went crazy? joyce, siying and i. throughout the whole match, we just kept talking and laughing. but i don't think it hindered our game in any way. we played our best in the rg first two qtrs and ij first qtr was good too. ironic that we play so much better when we know we're just having fun. hahah. and i'm happy because my prediction came true! hahah.
for individual play, i'm alright with it. but the coming out of centres passes were kind of off. i think i let pressure get in the way too much and i just couldn't break free. something went wrong there, but besides that, i guess it was ok? at least the feeding was fine. err.. right? hahah.
enough la. ij - rg match on friday.. will be damn good :)
da's celebration! chocolate cake annie, la and i baked during lunch. gave her the flowers. heh i think she liked it. good good good :)
her house at night. her mom cooks damn good. played sparklers and fooled ard in the playground. cut cake. home at 10? yep. freaking tired but happy :)
happy birthday da, once again :) hope you enjoyed today. remember to act your age. :P love you!
and. siying, smile your bright, radiant, duckish smile! just keep going cause you've come so far and you've done a great job. love you, huggies.
as you can tell, I'M HAPPY! but i'm tired and i need to bathe.
i miss you,
there's no other way to say it.
11:00 PM
happy birthday da !!!
enjoy enjoy enjoy :) love loads. will be back for more.
i feel like blogging but i don't know that to blog about.
i just wanted to say it's ok to blog too much because.. life is good and i'm happy. happy happy happy :)
i say things in triples. why?
i'm missing trio alot now! hahah thinking about those kap times. so stupid. and the neos. and when you put jan and i together, we break legs, we are invincible. get it? break legs! truly invincible. poor nette. sunday sunday sunday :)
feels like a friday. can't help it la. everything seems good because i'm happy :)))))))))
12:00 AM
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
happy birthday fiona :)
common tests are over. over, over, over. hahah.. history biology emaths all in one day almost killed me. but it's ok because it's over! generally everything was ok but i screwed emaths up. i don't know if it's just me but it was freaking hard and confusing.
rgs match. really proud of our first two qtrs :) miss seeing every single one of us play the way we did. 6-4 was remarkable, the second qtr. but it's not anyone's fault in the third.. something went wrong and we really, really let the chance slip by. but we had nothing to lose. crescent netball, we proved ourselves.
ij match tmr. every year, we go through this. since it's our last yr, let's just give it our all. if they want to laugh at us, mock us whatsoever, let them. we're not going to be feel threatened, nor humiliated, because once again, we've got nothing to lose. let's fight the way we did in the first two qtrs of the rgs match. and, nette's coming down!
even if this is the end of netball for us, and even if each year, we had to go through the same extreme disappoinment, i would never regret anything. blame it on luck, blame it our weak mental strength, blame it on our lack of unity, anything. but at the end of the day, i know that netball changed my life, in every single way possible. :)
but somehow, it still humiliates me. and every time i think abt that last three seconds of the cedar match and how far we could have gone if those three seconds never did come, it still hurts.
as laura said, miss toh, we let you down. you brought us so far in cdiv, but without you, we just can't make it.
enough.
trio study session soon :D
i miss pasta mania :( i miss miss miss it. i want to eat NOW. grrr.
promised myself to sort everything out after common tests. but, how? i don't want to do or change anything.
Turn it inside out so I can see
The part of you that's drifting over me
And when I wake you're, you're never there
But when I sleep you're, you're everywhere
You're everywhere
Just tell me how I got this far
Just tell me why you're here and who you are
'Cause every time I look, you're never there
And every time I sleep, you're always there
'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know, that makes me believe
I'm not alone, I'm not alone
I recognize the way you make me feel
It's hard to think that you might not be real
I sense it now, the water's getting deep
I try to wash the pain away from me, away from me
And when I touch your hand, it's then I understand
The beauty that's within, it's now that we begin
You always light my way, I hope there never comes a day
No matter where I go, I always feel you so
'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I catch my breath, it's you I breathe
You're everything I know, that makes me believe
I'm not alone
You're in everyone I see
So tell me, do you see me?
8:03 PM
Sunday, February 22, 2004
that's it.
i'm going to marry an extremely artistic chef to save my children from trying to draw, but everything ends up looking like a toe-drawn picture. i can't even draw a damn eye properly.
by the way, it's not supposed to be funny. in my family, i already have the best art skills. IMAGINE THAT.
6:04 PM
guess what i did today. been online for about.. six or seven hours in total. gasps. alrights annie, please don't kill me.
did a variety of things. from blog reading to friendster spree to blog searching (again, but to no avail) to personality tests to.. uh. horoscopes? oh and i burnt two cds! hahah. i was supposed to study my biology because i happen to have a match on monday. and i need to pass. this is so, so bad.
i promise i'll study hard tomorrow. anyone who sees me online, please, please make me go off.
but i'm still happy. happy happy happy. it takes so little to make me happy. but it's ok, i'm still happy happy happy :)
have to go off soon because i'm waking up early to study. and i have tuition. mugging day!
'cause you're everywhere to meeeee
and when i close my eyes it's yoooou i seeee.
bad to be high at such a time. nobody's available to listen to me!
12:03 AM
Friday, February 20, 2004
ai shang ni,
zhong yu wo fa xian wo hai you yong qi
flyaway
anyway, just lifted the anti-chicken thing today. went to eat kfc with pokes and da. i feel.. guilty.
when i'm hungry, i eat. when i'm full, i eat. when i'm happy, i eat. when i'm sad, i eat. when i'm laughing, i eat. when i'm crying, i eat. when i'm watching tv, i eat. when i'm using the computer, i eat. when i'm on the phone, i eat. when i'm doing my work, i eat. when i'm studying, i eat. when i'm free, i eat. when i'm busy, i eat.
when i'm not eating, i'm thinking of food. and i eat the most when i'm stressed. i don't even ask for much.. i just want to lose maybe 3kg? all the fats i'm taking in daily can amount to your weekly intake. i'm serious. someone who eats like me ought to be 200kg. so if i eat normally, i'll probably be 2kg. but i can't seem to eat normally you know. this must stop. boo.
not supposed to make sense.
can't wait for common tests to be over. and tournaments. now all i want is for it to end, and for us, not to be humiliated. hahah. what a cool way to end off our four years eh. something that had once been my life. oh well. guess what are the schools in the other group. nanana.
laura and i formed the dddc club :) anyone?
alrights. just on for a quick one. off to zzz.
even if you took my heart and tore it apart,
i would love you still.
3:45 PM
Tuesday, February 17, 2004
happy birthday joanne :)
had a mini celebration with canteen group this morning. hahah. hope you enjoyed your whole day!
everyone's getting older. jan to march birthdays fill my whole calender. no more money for anything :'(
anyway, siying just told me something. and i'm very, very irritated. it's like. dammit it's over so stop talking abt it. it's OVER, alright? i wish none of those ever happened. it's not true now, and never will be, ever again. you forced me into this. stop it. i wish i could say it straight in your face, but it's not even really your fault.
i think i'm getting cranky. and it's worse in class. poor lisa had been listening to my non-stop rantings for the past two days.
I had a heart that was once true.
But it fled from me to you.
Be kind to it as I have done, for now you have two and I have none.
8:04 PM
Monday, February 16, 2004
happy birthday jiejie :)
her 22nd birthday today. out to dine with her ex, with her extremely expensive dinner gown. boo.
i didn't mean to fall in love with you
and baby there's a name for what you put me through
it isn't love, it's robbery
i'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me
i don't know. something,
anything.
i don't know what to say about you. i didn't know things would change so much in such a short time. what happened? if people didn't tell me, then i would never have known. i know i have no bloody right to control your life, but i thought i knew you. i really did. i thought i saw through you, i thought i've seen every part of you. and i know you've seen mine. but within such a short time, you've become so distant. you're scaring me. did i ever really know you?
i know i've changed alot. i know we've parted, we've gone our different ways, and i was the one who left. i know it. but this thing made me see it. i've never really known who you were, or are. we thought this friendship was special, we thought we'd be interviewed, we though we'd be able to maintain it till we're 80. i know this isn't a very good place to say things, but i don't know how else to get it across to you.
there you go. now you know who you are. i'm sorry. i know this isn't right, but i'm so disappointed.
7:31 PM
Saturday, February 14, 2004
(photos uploaded. cross country and valentine's day together. under snaps - xcnt+vday. go see!)
happy valentine's day :)
this year was super, super good. hahah.
hmmm. trng in the morning. was q crap. ate the cake/biscuit michelle baked for us. and riana's cookies too. nice.
home, changed.
town to meet annie, laura, da, joyce and tiffany. walked, walked, walked. hahah. went to alot of places, did alot of things.
joyce and tiffany left, we ate dinner. continued walking. and back :)
that's not the point la actually. but i love my friends :)
and thank you for everything :) you made today alot more special and happy.
anyway, back to life. sniffs. sick again. hahah this is like the 5th time i'm getting sick before common tests. and i had 5 common tests in my life so far. lol.
didn't prepare stuff this year. remember last year's rice? hahah where did i find the time! yep. just remember i love you!
-skips away happily-
baby i'm too lost in you.
10:22 PM
Friday, February 13, 2004
rah. i keep wanting to talk abt this but i don't know what to say abt it. and i know you read this. and everything looks inappropriate and weird. -gives pokes a look- weirrrrrd.
so i shan't! hahah.
this entry is just to say. everything is so weird! hahah.
8:35 PM
Thursday, February 12, 2004
hahah. funniest thing ever. this is the funniest thing ever!
nanana. it's like. WHO WOULD HAVE KNOWN ONE GOAL WOULD COST US THIS MUCH. it's like. STOP DOING THIS TO US. IT'S A REPEAT EVERY SINGLE YEAR. and it's like. in us, we all know it's over. our last netball year in crescent is going end like this, ugly.
but i don't think i've given up. we can't beat them. not even close to that. but at least, let's pull it closer. let's leave the court with pride, knowing we've done all we could. i don't know. hahah. nanana.
at least i know. even if i leave crescent netball with nothing in my hands, i've gained friends i'd always love. i've gained friends many of you don't have. i've gained friends many of you would die to have. and at the end of the day, i know that's enough.
8:46 PM
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
win with glory, lose with pride.
crescent netball, i love you guys, each and every single one of you.
yes, we lost. so what if it was 19-18. so what if it was three/four seconds. so what if we could have won.
we didn't.
one goal is still a loss. three seconds is more than enough for a ball to be put it. even if we could have won, we didn't.
in the end, we didn't.
you'd never be able to understand how much i felt when i saw the last goal go in on their side, and the whistle that went straight after that. you'd never be able to understand. it was so close, it meant so much.
one freaking goal, three freaking seconds.
let's not say this isn't anybody's fault. of course it is. if you hadn't made that stupid mistake, we could have won. but let's just put it this way. if you contacted, i obstructed. you couldn't put it in, i didn't defend the ball. you broke the line, i stepped. you mispassed, i didn't catch it. it's the same thing. in the end, we win as a team, we lose as team. there's no individual in netball.
this feels like the end, doesn't it? yes, we just blew that huge chance. we really did. but we still have one more match. one last fight. this means we have to work twice as hard, be twice as good. this means we have to keep going, and get back every single thing we've lost.
cedar deserved to win. they played well, they fought hard.
crescent netball, i'm so proud of you guys. the intensity i saw in every single one of you, on and off court, is something i'll never ever forget. we fought so hard, till the last minute. but fighting hard is different from playing well. it wasn't our best. we could have won. but it's enough. it's enough to see just how all of us wanted it, how all of us had a common goal.
i'm sorry for not showing enough sportsmanship, not enough control. i'm sorry.
let's keep going. this is no doubt the end of a huge chance, but this is beginning of a more challenging and difficult task. this is not the time to stop, it's the time to really push off.
so, crescent netball, let's go.
but now, i still can't accept it. it still hurts badly.
__
wo ting de ge, ai de ren, shuo de hua
shi bu shi mei li de wu hui
wo bu neng wei ni bu gu yi qie de beng kui
chu fei zhe yang zi neng bao zheng ba ni wan hui
i just don't want you to mean any more than i mean to you. that's all i ask for.
7:50 PM
Saturday, February 07, 2004
happy birthday laura!
babe :) hope you enjoyed today. and the cake! hahah no egg shells ok. well. you're a year older now, so you have to learn alot more things. you've been a great girl, and i'm really, really thankful to have you in my life. you've always been there for me all these while. all these while. and i have no idea how to express everything. but i know you know :) hahah. alrights. enough. anything it is, love you always! muacks.
happy birthday to you too :)
anyway, today was q fun. heh. but i'm dead tired.
woke up early to eat breakfast with anniepokes at tbp. was freaking full.
school to prepare laura's mini birthday party. ? hahah. yeah. we baked the cheesecake! she came, sang for her a few times, gave her the dress. and she liked it! hahah. but i know even if she doesn't, she wouldn't admit la. :P
training. feeding was crap. oh well. gotta keep working. no giving up now. anyway, i have nothing to say abt riana. except that she's so. bloody. good. damn power :)
headed home to wash up, town to meet them again. ate lunch at ps yoshi with them, except da cause she had sth on.
joyce left, the rest of us headed to town. walked around. hahah. we were like. walking back and forth, back and forth. for.. some reasons. grrr. siying left around 7+, da joined us.
annie left, three of us ate at crepes and cream. laura got super pissed off by their crap service. lols. -rubs tummy-
played with my toy the whole day :) fun. but in the end, gave it to birthday girl. hahah.
yep. that's it for today.
we're back to square one. all the way back. and i promised myself i wouldn't ever let this happen again.
11:46 PM
Friday, February 06, 2004
you know i'd fight for you
but how i can fight someone who isn't even there
i've had the rest of you, now i want the best of you
i dont care if that's not fair
beatty match today. we won 54-2. first and last qtrs were q bad but other than that, i think we did better than the kcp match. monday's cedar and wed's whitley will both be challenging, but i believe we can overcome it. yep :)
tmr's laura's birthday :) kinda excited for her. hahah. town with all of them (hopefully nobody backs out) after that. staying out late with her!
need to do loads of catching up on sunday. rate of change and loci. eeks. tests and more tests.
yep.
9:19 PM
Thursday, February 05, 2004
cause now it's already too late.
8:12 PM
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
i'm dirty and smelly. and thick with dried sweat. but it's ok. i'm going to eat (again) and go to sleep. beams.
anyway, cross country! hahah. annie and i were like. hahah. crap. our speed was ?? but it's ok. we picked up a little speed towards the end. it was faster than we planned it to be. and at least we weren't that tired. i really don't like feeling tired. but i think the sudden change of pace made me want to puke. yucks.
the cheers were great. don't worry babes :) you all looked damn funky! i still like the funky chickens cheer alot! it's so cute.
now comes the bestttt part of the day. hahah. annie, brenda and joyce came over. and guess what. we ate. and ate. and ate. actually, not really. we just cooked so muchhh and ate like a family. hahah. five bowls of can stuff? (eg. pork cubes, curry tuna etc. so obs.) one pot of soup, one pot of instant noodies, fried and wedges, rice, drinks blah. it's too much la. hahah. slurps. anti-chicken meal!!
and joyce is a major loser. she's how scared of rain. hahah. ;)
joyce left, rest of us dragged ourselves to town to get laura's stuff. mission accomplished :) bought a dress from flowers in the attic. hahah nvm she knows already. and it's q laura. hope she likes it.
loads of work to rush, tests to study for. but i'm still going to sleep. zzz.
can we?
6:17 PM
Monday, February 02, 2004
today is a happy day :)
"everything will be ok in the end. if it's not, it's not the end yet."
i've got to admit it wasn't an easy time for me, the past two months or so. too many things were happening, and i just couldn't catch up. but now, my life is being pieced back again, although slowly. and i know, at the end of the day, i'll still be grateful for everything i had to go through.
i'll learn to prioritise properly this time. i promise the same mistakes won't be repeated again.
the past few days had been. slow? hahah. usual stuff i guess.
cross country tmr. pokes is coming over to feast! hahah. how pig can we get. but pokes ah.. don't be so mean la. :P
i hope the pankhurst cheer will win :) and the curie one too! i have such liao bu qi friends.
influenced by annie and laura. hahah. freaking in love with the day you went away, m2m. hahah yeah, again. who can be so capable of such lyrics. still pretty - by it after so long. it's really, really good. ;)
the situation got out of hand.
6:27 PM
Sunday, February 01, 2004
waiting for that final moment,
you say the words that i can't say.
8:51 PM