Monday, January 31, 2005
Wo shi zhen de zhen de zhen de hen ai ni,
yi wei fu chu le yi qie jiu fei de you yi yi.
Will these dark clouds in my sky ever clear?
The loneliness eats into every part of me but I try not to fall apart.
Life sucks but I can survive this.
Thank God for my three besties, I love them very much, you know that? Annie shall be #1, Nette #2, Siying #3, alphabetical order, because they're equally important to me.
Nette nette, come online, I need you!
9:35 PM
Tiramisu cake and choc chip cookies screwed up. Hahaha. I feel so dejected. Muffins were quite good though :D
8:24 PM
But this is important! I'm going to officially introduce to you my two new (and only) friends from SAJC.
Come. Everybody, meet
Name : Goh Hui Shan
School : CTSS
Loves : Tennis, fat guys
Hahaha, okay okay, just kidding, it's supposed to be casual. Basically, it's funny how Huishan and I clicked so well. We were not from the same OG or CG and we don't have mutual friends.
One day, while I was trying to look out for eyecandy #1 (who's damn hot), she suddenly went "Why, the (school) guy ah?" Which was very scary, 'cause we didn't know each other at all, but from then on, everything fitted into place.
Basically, we're very attached to our friends, and we don't want to entertain or to make friends for the sake of doing so. She's quite a deep person, always bombarding me with philosophies about love. (Love in general, not love love.) Surprisingly, the first time I trusted her with a secret was also my biggest one, and she accepted it easily. I'm thankful for that.
We meet before school, during breaks, and after school. We're pretty much alike, the biggest difference is that I LOVE TO EAT and she practically doesn't eat at all.
It's too early to tell anything, but I never did expect to find a genuine friendship in JC. However, this is a budding one.
To sum up, I LOVE HUISHAN :D
Next up is the Mr Photogenic of SAS (rolles eyes)
Apparently this is the best picture he could find. Hahaha.
Okay, so his name is Jason Yeung. We were from the same OG. He's from Hong Kong too, just like Lily! But he looks like an angmoh right, no idea why.
Anyway, he's... aiya, don't feel like singing him praises. Hahaha. I shall be nice la!
He's sensitive enough for a guy, a very good listener. The only other person with my secret and I'm sure it's safe with him.
He's a very anti-superficial person (I have no idea what other word to use). He always goes "it's not the looks, it's the heart that matters". That's very rare, don't you think?
He's nice (limited vocabulary) because he bought me the NEVER QUIT thing because he knew I was feeling down, he has to be a good guy because he loves his little sister, and he's a committed person who knows what he wants.
He tears ALL THE TIME, when he talks, yawns, walks, jumps (you get the idea) and especially when he eats. He thinks he can eat more than me, but he couldn't even finish the Pasta Mania Creamy Chicken, and I'm gonna remember that forever. He likes soccer and Man U (Brenda, your friend) and he's a good tennis player. He likes Andre Agassi too, but too bad, mine already.
He's abit gayish. HAHAHA, just kidding. He's perfectly straight and normal.
He's my hao jie mei and I LOVE JASON TOO :D
Okay, end of introductions. Hahaha. All these are from what I know about them so far, and might change as time goes by. But for now, they are two people who play very important and big roles in my JC life. 'Nuff said. Their heads must be very big now.
Good night.
1:18 AM
Lily called me, ALL THE WAY FROM HONG KONG!!! Hahaha, miss calling 976073** every night and blabbering all the nonsense. But because she stupidly chose to go to Aussie, I'll never get the chance to again :( Nvm, she's coming back on 13 Feb, gonna stay over at Joelle's, then spend the whole day with them. Wah, the good old times, my food friends <3 I can't wait!
Siying msged me and told me she misses me. Hahaha, she doesn't ever do that okay! She was talking about netball, about how she used to call my name and how I would ask her to take the centre pass (make me sound damn lazy please). I MISS YOU TOO :(
(But I can't reply her till tmr 'cause I need to save smses. I've been using abt 50 a day for a month and I just realised that my dumb plan switched to 700 free smses this year. So, I exceeded by about, ten million? Now, I can only send 10 a day for the next week or two ((I sent 11 today, boohoohoo)) so please kindly forgive me for not replying, I still love you!)
Annie's coming over tmr tmr tmr :D Need I say more?
Huishan just showed me a picture of her cute friend. Hahaha, cute guys rock. Aiya, speaking of that, sth very sad happened today. Christl read my palm and told me that I wouldn't get married. SHIIITTT, all my life, I've been waiting to marry a chef (or baker for now, hahaha) and be a taitai. I'm not joking okay, someone brainwash me so I can forget that to-be tragedy.
For now, I'm still happy though.
Basically, 'cause there's NO SCHOOL and I don't have to go be some pathetic outcast / loner in my class. It makes me sick just thinking that I have to go back there 2 days later. But I know it's my own fault, I refuse to do anything abt it.
Guess I've learnt to take some things in my own stride. Yes, I guess some hurt is inevitable along the journey, but well, I made the choice. There are alot of things I cannot explain, like why this dumb choice after everything that has happened, and eveything that is NOT going to happen, but at least for now, let me be. I appreciate all the love I've received for the past 4 weeks, thank you.
Life will still be beautiful after I survive this whole school thing. I'm strong enough.
11:48 PM
The Rose
Some say love, it is a river, that drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor, that leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger, an endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower, and you its only seed
It's the heart afraid of breaking, that never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking, that never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give
And the soul afraid of dyin, that never learns to live
When the night has been too lonely, and the road has been to long
and you think that love is only, for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter, far beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed that with the sun's love
in the spring becomes the rose.
An all-time favourite :)
It's the weekends again! I love weekends cause I can see Annie Darl! Gonna attempt to make Tiramisu Cake tomorrow. It's a no-bake cake, so it's very hard, and has an ultra weird recipe. But I'll try my best. Probably gonna bake chocolate cookies or sth too.
7:33 PM
I would love you still, forever.
Sorry.
And I know I would never learn to love again, in a long, long time.
Sorry.
7:49 PM
Cross country run today was more like cross country talk. (Hahaha, Szu Xiang said "I thought you very sporty one?" YEAH LOR, people didn't get into touch rugby plus refuse to run cross country... how to be sporty??) Had a long talk with Huishan about friendship, kinship and well, love in general. Yes yes, don't be afraid to spread the love, the world needs more of that.
I'm not angry with Szu Xiang abt the sporty thing okay, he's such a cutie. (And he's getting *JC badge for me!!!) I'm just sore about everything. But, Huishan, Jason and Szu Xiang SWEETIES (hahaha) did something super heartwarming and unexpected.
They gave me this :D See, I treasure it so much I put it in front of my Shuwei Love Love okay.
But anyway, as Huishans says, declarations of love are important : I LOVE YOU GUYS! I'm putting Szu Xiang on probation, maybe he can be my 3rd friend soon. HAHAHA!
Oh, see see, my sister got a huuuge "get well soon" bouquet today. No fair, I want flowers too!
Everyone seems to like Tiramisu cake. (Do you?)
I shall think about it. Either that, or coffee cake. I just need one more "flavour"! Suggestions, anyone?
6:35 PM
I'm getting used to the loneliness but I still love Huishan <3 Okay, since Jason thinks I'm not a good enough jie mei and that I treat him like dirt (I give him cakes all the time okay, ungrateful fella), I shall be nice and say I love Jason too. It's very hard for me to express this... but to put it simply, without them, I wouldn't have made it through the last three weeks. Really. Those two friendships are the ones I know I'd like to keep. I'm such a sweetie, no? :D
Nette just told me to read an energy fan's blog, and yes, I am enlightened. I miss them, but definitely not as much as the previous time. I wonder if that makes me a not-good-enough energy fan?
Yesterday was shit. Plain horrible. I didn't get into touch rugby, full stop. End of topic, go away. I don't want to make excuses for myself.
My sister came back. "Told" (more like hummed, hahaha) me all about it and I don't know man... she's so strong. FEEL LUCKY, people. I think I'd have died of fear if I went to visit her on the first week. Imagine watching your own sister vomit blood, watching blood get drained out of her nose, watching her cry and moan in pain. But I'm glad she's back safe, and I hope everything will be fine soon. My metal mouth, swollen face, pig nose sister <3
Oh yes, liquid diet works wonders. She lost 0.5kg per day, according to my mommy. But she only allows me to try during the holidays, cause she says I have school and I need ENERGY. (Pun intended) Anyone wants instructions for it, approach me. Not recommended for students.
But I don't like the way things are so heavy and dull in the house.
Anyway, there's cross country tmr! And OG outing after that. I love my OG!
I made unsuccessful oatmeal cookies today. Hahaha. Hey, Annie's friends loved our chocolate cake :D See see, geniuses at work.
Hmmm, today is 25th. So I just wasted one year, one month, one day of my life away. Lol. Random thought. I don't keep track of dates.
Okay, good night.
10:18 PM
:( No, I didn't purposely make it rhyme.
So, Energy came. Their flight was delayed. Mediacorp, then Zoo.
Woo, Zoo was great. Took super close up videos of them and guess what, SHUWEI TOOK THE CAP FROM ME AND SMILED AT ME. He was reading the note while walking (amidst all the million and one fans okay) and I managed to capture the cap in his hands. Lol, so happy, I love Shuwei. He waved into my camera too!!! So did Kunda, for Nette Nette.
Nette got to tap Kunda's shoulder and they saved the cap that almost dropped together. Hahaha, couple at work.
Okay, Ahdi and Milk were cute too. (I feel obliged to say this) Ahdi was very happy today, he wore pink and played with Ah Meng. Hahaha.
Ran and ran and ran after their tram. I honestly hope with all my heart and soul we will not be captured anywhere on TV or newspapers. Too embarrassing.
Amara hotel at Tanjong Pagar. So ulu right, what's wrong with Universal? Waited for almost 5 freaking hours, and what did we get? They went out in Comfort Cabs and Shuwei refused to wave. That's so un-him, even Kunda was nice.
Sigh. So there. It just didn't feel like much, and I'm relieved yet scared to admit that this might well be the last Energy-day for us. I miss them very much now, but I think it's only because they make me happy. It's a different feeling already, no more "Omg Nette my heart is going to jump out".
I just got off the phone with Annie, and I feel so sad. I don't want I don't want I DON'T WANT to go to school. If Huishan was in my class, everything'd be perfect and I'd probably look forward to school, but NO, I'm stuck with the class. They're nice people and I like them, but I just can't fit in, I have no friends, I have no friends, I HAVE NO FRIENDS.
I'm trying my best not to wallow in self-pity. My mom and sister are coming back tmr, hopefully that can ease my loneliness a little bit.
Shit, this sucks. Super depressing. Why, oh why can't I be shit skinny?
11:33 PM
Basically, we threw a surprise party for Annie at my house! Hahaha, to think she actually believed that we'd just let her birthday pass like that ;)
Ate till I almost died, really. Steamboat, curry, orange juice, CAKE, fruits. Doesn't sound like alot, but I was having difficulty even talking after that. That meal lasted me the whole day. I'm still bloated now.
Had alot of fun with those darls of mine :D More details in Annie's blog, please. Pictures will be up asap, I promise.
After the rest left, Annie and I baked, yes, AGAIN. The cake looks not bad (we didn't eat it, hahaha) and the cookies don't look good but tastes wonderful! I aspire to be a housewife cum baker. Baker, there's such a word right? Sounds so weird.
Okay, I'm a little groggy now, cause... well, look at the time. Just finished up 1 math tutorial, 2 econs tutorials (which was rubbish la) and 1 chemistry tutorial. ALL HAIL ME. Been so long since I actually sat down and got some work done. Wow, can't imagine going through the whole Os process again. Poor sec fours...
But anyway, I still have 2 chemistry tutorials but I'm very tired and I HATE MOLES. Oh yes, special thanks to Jason for saving my life when I was about to tear my hair out cause I didn't know how many atoms there were in 20g of Boron. Hahaha, how dumb.
Shall I go finish up? I'm not sleepy, just very restless and sick of numbers. I think I should, cause tmr is Energy-day and I won't have time.
This feeling is very familiar. The staying up, doing work, getting frustrated, msging Nette, feeling cold, hearing Rain snore... you get the idea. I'm not sure if I like it, but I've not felt such sense of familiarity in a long time.
My mommy and sister are coming back on Monday, and so, I WON'T HAVE TO BE ALONE ANYMORE. -Beams-
There were so many, so many times I almost gave in but no, I have to keep my backbone and most importantly, the pride you took away time and time again.
I'm feeling pretty sane tonight. Very nothing. Good good. It's ALWAYS times like this people do crazy things, don't you think?
2:45 AM
I'm feeling fat tonight, cause I couldn't stop eating my delicious chocolate chip cookies. I hate feeling fat.
But anyway, :D
Brenda, Joyce, Siying and I went to be lightbulbs today. For a short while only!
Princess Annie, not too bad. Good taste. -Nods in approval-
NOT FAIR, I want a cute boyfriend too!!!
It's so heartwarming how everyone's moving on with their lives, finding the happiness that they truly deserve, don't you think?
I'm baking chocolate cake and M&M cookies tmr. I'm gonna give Nana for her birthday :D I'm such a sweetie, and yes, baking is very addictive.
I think Huishan and I are quite psycho, we're forever browsing through other people's old testimonials. Hahaha.
Okay, it's not a good day. Nette's having a bad day too.
-Big hug- May tmr be a better one.
1:06 AM
HAHAHA! No la, I'm just tired. Schools ends at 445pm today, and no, I didn't think I could survive that. So, it's 4 days of holidays for me!!!
Went to buy baking ingredients, almost died lugging them home. I spent about $100 (along with other groceries, of course) and bought an electric mixer. This is such an expensive hobby.
I just baked chocolate chip cookies! They're not too bad for a first-timer ok, don't small see me. But there's too much, and I don't have a sweet tongue, so the smell is making me really nauseous. That's right, I only like to bake them, I don't eat much sweet food.
Huishan just msged. Whoa, she ended at 515pm and she survived! Three cheers! I miss Huishan and all the gossiping. Hahaha, we're the "GD" club members.
Excited for the next few days, especially tmr ;) Princess Annie, hor?
ENERGY IS COMING ON SUNDAY, like, finally. I'm not feeling much yet, but soon, soon. The loves of my life <3
It's Annie's birthday, let's sing her a birthday song!
Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to Annie, happy birthday to you!
Me
I'll take the laughter and her tears
And make them all my souvenirs
For where she goes I've got to be
The meaning of my life is
She
5:08 PM
You're my second 17-year-old friend. Nette, you're the first! Hahaha, that was so out of point.
But anyway, I really do have a lot to say, so if you're not Annie, it won't be a good idea for you to read the whole thing.
Four years ago, I still couldn't differentiate you and Eileen.
Three years ago, three years ago...
Two years ago, I bought you the green backpack.
One year ago, I gave you a box. Inside the box, there was a 12 (or so) page manuscript (too much Lit!) of our friendship, a cup, a photo frame, a windchime, and colourful drop drop thing (why can't I remember the name for it!!!), cough mixture, sweets, the sticker thing for the muscles (shit, I think I'm having a mental block), a friendship band, a Beckham calendar etc etc.
Sixty years later, I'd probably give you a pair of hand-sewn mitten for your grandson, or maybe, strawberry cheesecake ;)
You've been there through so many of my downs, it's so amazing. You often say you're not good with your words, and you don't really know what to say when I pour everything out, but you know what? Love cannot be put into words, I feel it, and I know you'd always, always be there, heart and soul.
One year ago, things were so rocky btn us I didn't even know if I'd ever have the chance to call you "best friend" again. I honestly thought that was the end of it. But we fought hard, overcoming every obstacle that was put in front of us, and here we are, stronger than ever, baking cakes together every week. It's your fate, Annie, you're stuck with me for your whole life time.
Honestly, you're the only person who can understand my weirdest habits and hobbies. Like "zhua zhua" (don't ask me what's that), besides my mommy, you're the only one who actually does that for me. Like taking super long bus rides from one end of the island to the other, you'd just sit next to me, listen to one side of the earphone, and let me lie on your shoulder. And you'd always, always remember, I have to sit on the left side, inside too.
Many people never expected our friendship to stay so strong. But now they know, when there's Annie, there's Hsin, when there's Hsin, there's Annie. It's just like that, "Annie and Hsin".
The list goes on.
I'm saying all these to let the world know Annie is my Best Friend and I love her very much.
Happy birthday, love. :D
12:00 AM
We shall let the photos tell the story.
Trio NYDC dinner. I know la, very irrelevant.
Happy (I hope) Nette with her "Happy 60th Birthday" balloon and a bouquet of Trio white roses.
Nette cutting her uh, pasta. Jan wanted it, who else? ;)
DON'T KILL ME, it such a cute picture. Happy birthday to Nette...
After dinner, we headed to some weird place for Jan to watch Tiger Cup Finals. Nette and I were so bored so we started obsessing with taking photos. She must have taken at least 60 (no kidding) photos of herself but I shall be nice and not post any of that.
Nope, we're not always like that. The third one was supposed to lovesick (Nette was super) but it wasn't successful la.
But of course, we took decent pictures, like...
this. Jan and Nette.
And this. Jan and I.
Not forgetting, THE QUEENS!
Finally, last but not least, we have...
a bad picture of Trio.
And of course, a good picture of Trio. Love them <3
-Wipes sweat-
Today was rocking too!
Headed back to Crescent for a game with our juniors. They improved alot, they're superb now, please!
I pulled my thigh muscle while warming up, CAN DIE. Obviously I couldn't do any dodges, but it was generally fine. Out of 7 people in the team, 7 people were injured in one way or another. Super funny.
I miss netball.
While we were cooling down, I looked at my team mates and suddenly felt so sad. I didn't want the moment to end. I don't want to have to go to school tmr and face all the unfamiliar and hostile faces.
These two weeks were very tough, no doubt about that, but I pulled through. This is only the beginning, but I'm willing to fight my hardest, because I know I'm not alone. Thank you, especially to Annie and Nette, for helping me see who're the ones who are truly willing to stay with me, unconditionally.
Tmr is the first day of my permanent timetable, and that really sucks. I have PE, but I have a pulled and extremely painful thigh muscle too. Sigh.
This is so surreal, and gosh, what a long entry.
To me you're perfect,
and my wasted heart will love you.
8:07 PM
Our strawberry cheesecake was very successful, as you can see. Right right?
Looks nicer like that, cause we stole one piece! It's delicious.
Us with our baby.
As for the vanilla cookies...
Hmm, a different story. Like sai like that, right?
But oh well, I'm looking for a more normal recipe now, and I'll try chocolate chip cookies next week.
Baking was originally not my interest, but it is becoming, and it has to be. You'll see why soon.
Anyway, went to the gym just now! I ran 3.2km on the treadmill, in a grand total of say, 27 mins. So, nothing to be very proud of la, I'm still a slacker.
Annie's sleeping in the room now, while I'm waiting for the heater to heat up so that I can bathe and, head somewhere exciting ;)
Might be having Trio meeting tmr night for dinner, I'm praying will all my heart that Nette will be able to make it. Miss them! (Plus I need to sell my funfair coupons, heh, I'm just kidding)
Had a semi heart-to-heart talk with Annie just now. Realised that quite a few people around us are getting attached, and yes, Princess Annie too, soon soon. It's so fun, all this growing up phase.
Off to bathe!
5:27 PM
I'm very happy today leh. I'm not always very depressed ok! People keep telling me I don't smile enough. -BIG SMILE-
Anyway, I had touch rugby selections today. -Takes deep breath- Mozi and I let MG and Crescent netball down very badly. We ran 2.4km (Yes, I almost died when I heard that).. and we were last!!! HAHAH, I refuse to tell you my timing :P Yes, although it was intentional to make it a snail run, but no doubt we were still last. Sprinting was better though, more "my thing". Next Tuesday is ball work, I'm crossing my fingers. Oh, and sweet Annie came allll the way down to give me moral support. How heartwarming, no?
After that, went back to Crescent to play about say, 15 minutes of netball. (The school was going to close, so sad.) Yes, I missed that white and red and blue thing. I missed flying, I missed hearing the "pop" sound when the ball goes in, I missed going "here, outside" to the shooters, I missed everything that used to be my life. But most of all, I missed them! There goes, I'm so happy because I got to see them!
Tmr's another cake-baking day. :D
As you can see, I'm enjoying myself to the fullest before the workload comes down full speed.
Oh yes, and we discovered something very coincidental today! You see ah, Annie's and Siying's birthdays both lie on Thursday (20 Jan, 12 May), Brenda's and Joyce's on Friday (25 Feb, 11 March) and Laura's and mine on Monday (7 Feb, 31 May), cool or not? Cheap thrill, hor?
The Official Slimming Club for the Babes
(Babes = You can interpret it as pretty girls, or Babe the pig, up to you. Same same, I'm both anyway. :P)
President : Fat Hsin (ME ME ME!)
Vice president : Fat Annie
Secretary : Fat Brenda
Members : Fat Siying, Fat Lisa
Anyone?
I aim to be 48kg. I've been aiming that since two yrs ago though. Heh heh heh.
10:10 PM
-BEAMS-)
Today was a much better day, yes. Thank goodness for Huishan <3 I'm still trying to figure out ways to fit into the class. Number of ways so far : -1
Anyway, was supposed to have mini OG outing today but they stood me up! Hahah, apparently Jason spent like an hour debating if they should go town or not. Waited till I fell asleep ah.
Caught up quite alot with Laura. Missed her <3
SAJC funfair coupons for sale, please buy! 19 Feb, 10 dollars each.
Nananana, I've got nothing to say.
I think you need to learn how to treasure friendships more than you do. Don't come and go as you wish. You need to learn to love with your heart, you need to learn commitment, and how to handle relationships with people. You're always so nonchalant, so indifferent, thinking you can make it anywhere with "your ways", but no, that's not it. Slowly, but surely, you let your selfishness get in the way, and now, I'm sorry to say but I don't know how to look at you with the same importance anymore.
That was a very badly phrased paragraph, but yes, I think you get the idea.
Oh this I know but still I can't find way to let you go.
9:35 PM
If I could, I would pour out all this pain, and ask if, you would help mend my broken soul. Would you?
I'm a huge mess waiting to be cleared, so how I wish you would take my hand and help mend my broken soul. Would you?
I miss you, I do, that hasn't changed, and will not for a long time.
I'm not strong enough to handle any of this.
But I do feel alot better after talking to Annie and Nette, I'm so thankful I have them with me.Tomorrow's another day of hell-like life, I wonder how long I can last. Perhaps another week.
9:59 PM
Annie crashed today! :D I think she was quite bored but I still really hope she'd decide to come to SA. I NEED ANNIE I NEED ANNIE I NEED ANNIE!
My funny sister got someone to take a picture of her and she sent it over through MMS during Econs lecture today. Poor her looked like a puffer fish, and she can't eat/talk/laugh (in short, move her mouth) for a week or two.
I have no idea how I'm going to bond with my already-bonded class. They probably already know one another very well, while I'm staring at the contact list, barely recognizing 3 names. Help. I think they're nice people, but it's very hard to approach people who already have friends.
This was what I feared most. All along, I was so afraid this would happen, that everyone would move on except me. When my OG already gave me that tiny little bit of hope, this has to happen. I'm having half the mind to quit school, I'm not joking.
DAMMIT I really feel like shit. !@$%#$%.
I miss Lily. She's the only person I can sit next to and start acting like a monkey. She's the only person who has ever seen me "pick up a pen, stare at it and start laughing". She's the only person who allows me to write "R&D" (random alphabets to protect identities) all over her books and find that very funny. Can I ever, ever find another person like my beloved Lily? :'( Come back la, you stupid hongkie-wannabe-aussie!!!
I told you I'm in an awful mood and I only feel worse now.
And I'm very confused and I don't know what to do.
I love you today more than yesterday. I like Nette's new template.
8:40 PM
YdkhsIaahspaa. Twadcaton. Ilmfsm, bwirnt, taspwot. Dicts? Iaaitw, aiablt. Ivd.
Baked Oreo Cheesecake with Annie today. We personally think it's quite nice, but...
Yep.
9:30 PM
I love black and white. Simplicity is beauty hor!
Joke of the day : It's private but it's hilarious. Nette, oh nette. Lmao. That's so Janice. Speaking of Jan, wait till she hears it man.
Friendster does wonders. :D / >:( (Sorry, I'm feelng very lame and groggy.)
Anyway, main point is, my sister's leaving for Brunei tmr for her operation, the one that went through years of planning and a couple of doctors. It's a huge operation, supposedly bigger that a heart one.
These few years have been hard of my parents, financially and espcially emotionally. I hope this will put an end to all those, an end to my sister's sufferings, because she deserves to lead a comfortable life and pursue her studies like any normal student.
I don't know how else to bring it across, but I love my sister very much. I'd miss her for the next three weeks, but I know she'd come back, healthier and happier than ever. Everything will be fine.
Till then, I'd have to work on slimming and facial care by myself. I'd be home alone for the period of time, boohoohoo.
Night.
1:56 AM
Ate ALOT today. Beef noodies, ice kachang, cheng teng (?), 4 packets of fries from Macs, Mcflurry Oreo (though I hate it), cereals with milk. Well... the desserts and fries were shared, but. This is just to remind myself that I need to be on a diet la. (Annie too, for someone special, or so she says) I've been having a very sweet tongue lately, how weird and unfortunate.
Annie's here. She's attempting to teach me soccer. Gonna watch Tiger Cup Finals (Sg vs Indo) later. Who's Indra? Woo, soccer rocks!
Anyway, went out with the babes today. Slacked and played pool! Think they almost died watching Annie and I challenge each other. She won la, happy? >:( Heh heh heh. Had meet-the-future-husband session too :P
I'm crashing HC on monday!!! And Annie's crashing SA on Tuesday. <3
Don't you think JC changed you?
OFF TO WATCH SOCCER! SOCCER ROCKS!
8:22 PM
Today was the end of our orientation, and Finale was alright. The dancing part was CRAZY.
I would have enjoyed myself alot more if they were with me. I just feel that if I laugh and dance and jump and feel happy, I'm "betraying" them. My laughter and my joy belong to them, and no one else. I know I can never find friends as precious as them. My heart is with you guys <3
I like the indian and chicken dance.
I think this whole "secondary school to JC thing" is sending many of us into minor depression. It's impossible to not put on a facade, but it's very tiring.
I'm going to be having lessons tmr while everyone is still having their orientation. Boohoohoo. I'm gonna meet my classmates :S I'm dreading that. Luckily I'll be having all my lectures with Francesca tmr.
And I don't know to join touch rugby or netball. Yes, netball is where my passion lies, but... personal reasons. Think I'll go for touch rugby. I'm crossing my fingers.
However, it's not THAT bad. I made a few good friends, and I hope they'll stay!
Woo, and <3<3<3. HAHAHAHAHA.
Can't wait for Saturday. I'm meeting them! Good night, tmr will be a better day.
10:30 PM
I think for now, it's still alright because it's orientation and fun, and I get to talk to my friends a couple of hours a day. But when school starts, everyone's going to be damn busy and it'll be a different story altogether.
I'm not unhappy in SA, it's just a nagging loneliness. I always knew it was going to be tough, but I really don't know how to face an empty road alone. I miss them.
And I can't believe I'm less attractive than a 140cm shortie. I have nothing against shorties (honestly), but damn, what a bitch. I'm very upset.
Oh, besides being less attractive than a 140cm shortie, I'm fat too. Jason from my OG told me today I should go on a diet. Lol. Imagine that. -Shrugs- I really never knew I was fat to that extent, you know.
Annie is miserable there at HC too (think she misses me too much), and she's thinking of coming to SA... but like she said, I shouldn't get my hopes too high. I always do, and then it's like, a big fat impact on me. But I'd kill to have her with me.
Simple Plan - Addicted
I heard you're doing ok, but I want you to know
I'm adic-, I'm addicted to you
I can't pretend I don't care, when you don't think about me
Do you think I deserve this?
I tried to make you happy but you left anyway
I'm trying to forget that I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it, I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said, and I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker, heartbreaker, heartbreaker
Since the day I met you, and after all we've been through
Still adic-, I'm addicted to you
I think you know that it's true, I'd run a thousand miles to get you
Do you think I deserve this?
I tried to make you happy, I did all that I could
Just to keep you, but you left anyway
I'm trying to forget that I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it, I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said, and I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker, heartbreaker
How long will I be waiting, until the end of time
I don't know why I'm still waiting, I can't make you mine
So much to say, but yep, I guess it's all there. I'm still trying, really I am.
This sucks. I'm exhausted and dirty (I can't seem to unblacken my muddy feet) but I have to wait for my sister who went to watch Kung Fu Hustle, because I have a slimming session with her. Yeah, I need it what. Ok bye. I hate this.
11:29 PM
But... I guess because I had such close knitted friends, it's very hard for me to ever have the same "cosy" feeling again. I can't believe the six of us are just separated like that again. Anyhow, I still hope things will be alright.
Annie came over just now!!! Had a short hour talk with her. All about orientation and ____ ____, of course. HAHAH! We had very funny and weird stories to share. Miss that babe already. Can't wait to hear all about Siying and Nette's days later.
Gonna meet up with them on Saturday. Excited.
Tomorrow's going to be another long day. Wet games, and having OG dinner after school. Daddy's coming back too!
Oh, and I chose 4 subjects in the end. Just trying out, but I'm quite sure I'd still decide to drop biology in the end. Oh well, not time for all that yet.
I can't help but have this feeling of... emptiness. Like, I used to have my friends to look forward to. I'd think of the stories I'd want to tell Lily, Kai and Joelle, I'd know to look for Annie every second of free time I had. Now, it's just, very polite conversations. But I know I know, it's only the second day.
I hate having a bloated tummy. Very disgusting feeling.
Alright, I'm abit tired and restless. Have fun at your orientations!
7:06 PM
Wow, I've never seen so many people sign in at the same time. Thank God someone created the "import contact list" thing or I'd die adding.
And I had a heart-to-heart talk with Nana just now. Hahah! So fun. It's nice to hear an objective opinion once in a while. <3
Ok, for the final time, HAPPY BIRTHDAY QUEEN :D I'm glad you liked the surprises. I'm such a sweetie.
I'm not going to talk about school, but honestly, I'm starting to relax. Good.
10:49 PM
I realised that the friendships that couldn't work out despite the 4 years left all of us torn and tattered. As we move on to a new phase of our lives, we will learn to forget the unhappiness we once inflicted on one another, and soon, we will eventually forget, yes, one another.
That was in general, because looking back, I did lose quite a few friends I should have spent more effort treausuring. I believe all of us did.
I wish I could do more to salvage this, but I can't, I have no more time to do it. We spent the last 4 years trying to, we can't afford to spend the next 4 in all that agony.
You were never the most insignificant one to me, to me at the very least.
Laura, I look forward to the day we can go eat prata and bake at your house, again.
I'm posting this here just to say that, if you ever felt that I was ashamed of this friendship, no, I never was and never will be.
I'm sorry things couldn't work out but don't ever forget how we sung "shou qian shou" at the service road, don't ever forget how it once felt to have friends so special.
Never once did we falter as our sorority held us firm.
_____
Ok, and dammit.
Econ Phy Lit
I have no aim or ambition in my life so my sister refuses to help me choose a subject combination. Why only have physics and lit, don't have chemistry and lit? It'd be my dream come true.
Sister : "Then your friends leh?"
Me : "Oh, I have no friends."
HAHAH, this is so sad.
And, I just found out she took triple science. Eee, how disgusting is that?
Everybody's getting calls from their OGL, how come nobody's calling me? Boohoohoo.
Did I make the right choice or not?
Sigh. Happy birthday Nette!
2:07 PM
I guess the closer you are to the person, the less words you'll have. Everything's so clear, but I just want the world to know I LOVE NETTE AND SO DOES KUNDA :D
Been feeling like shit the whole night. I'm terrified of school, I don't even want to think about it. I hate this.
I'm going to stay at home and watch TV the whole day. What a way to spend my last day of this holiday that once seemed neverending, but I'll hardly have this chance in the near future.
Boohoohoo. I really cannot describe how much I'm dreading school. I don't want...
12:00 PM
I'm listening to Leslie's songs on New Year's Eve. Heartpain ah.
I'm craving for Swensen's baked curry rice. Damn, I'm starving. Gonna eat that with mommy tomorrow. <3
Anyway, this year was a very blank year. It passed so fast, because all we did was study, study, study.
May 2005 be a better year.
Can I be your princess for one day, just one day?
12:00 AM
Wo shi zhen de zhen de zhen de hen ai ni,
yi wei fu chu le yi qie jiu fei de you yi yi.
Will these dark clouds in my sky ever clear?
The loneliness eats into every part of me but I try not to fall apart.
Life sucks but I can survive this.
Thank God for my three besties, I love them very much, you know that? Annie shall be #1, Nette #2, Siying #3, alphabetical order, because they're equally important to me.
Nette nette, come online, I need you!
9:35 PM
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Tiramisu cake and choc chip cookies screwed up. Hahaha. I feel so dejected. Muffins were quite good though :D
8:24 PM
Saturday, January 29, 2005
But this is important! I'm going to officially introduce to you my two new (and only) friends from SAJC.
Come. Everybody, meet
Name : Goh Hui Shan
School : CTSS
Loves : Tennis, fat guys
Hahaha, okay okay, just kidding, it's supposed to be casual. Basically, it's funny how Huishan and I clicked so well. We were not from the same OG or CG and we don't have mutual friends.
One day, while I was trying to look out for eyecandy #1 (who's damn hot), she suddenly went "Why, the (school) guy ah?" Which was very scary, 'cause we didn't know each other at all, but from then on, everything fitted into place.
Basically, we're very attached to our friends, and we don't want to entertain or to make friends for the sake of doing so. She's quite a deep person, always bombarding me with philosophies about love. (Love in general, not love love.) Surprisingly, the first time I trusted her with a secret was also my biggest one, and she accepted it easily. I'm thankful for that.
We meet before school, during breaks, and after school. We're pretty much alike, the biggest difference is that I LOVE TO EAT and she practically doesn't eat at all.
It's too early to tell anything, but I never did expect to find a genuine friendship in JC. However, this is a budding one.
To sum up, I LOVE HUISHAN :D
Next up is the Mr Photogenic of SAS (rolles eyes)
Apparently this is the best picture he could find. Hahaha.
Okay, so his name is Jason Yeung. We were from the same OG. He's from Hong Kong too, just like Lily! But he looks like an angmoh right, no idea why.
Anyway, he's... aiya, don't feel like singing him praises. Hahaha. I shall be nice la!
He's sensitive enough for a guy, a very good listener. The only other person with my secret and I'm sure it's safe with him.
He's a very anti-superficial person (I have no idea what other word to use). He always goes "it's not the looks, it's the heart that matters". That's very rare, don't you think?
He's nice (limited vocabulary) because he bought me the NEVER QUIT thing because he knew I was feeling down, he has to be a good guy because he loves his little sister, and he's a committed person who knows what he wants.
He tears ALL THE TIME, when he talks, yawns, walks, jumps (you get the idea) and especially when he eats. He thinks he can eat more than me, but he couldn't even finish the Pasta Mania Creamy Chicken, and I'm gonna remember that forever. He likes soccer and Man U (Brenda, your friend) and he's a good tennis player. He likes Andre Agassi too, but too bad, mine already.
He's abit gayish. HAHAHA, just kidding. He's perfectly straight and normal.
He's my hao jie mei and I LOVE JASON TOO :D
Okay, end of introductions. Hahaha. All these are from what I know about them so far, and might change as time goes by. But for now, they are two people who play very important and big roles in my JC life. 'Nuff said. Their heads must be very big now.
Good night.
1:18 AM
Friday, January 28, 2005
Lily called me, ALL THE WAY FROM HONG KONG!!! Hahaha, miss calling 976073** every night and blabbering all the nonsense. But because she stupidly chose to go to Aussie, I'll never get the chance to again :( Nvm, she's coming back on 13 Feb, gonna stay over at Joelle's, then spend the whole day with them. Wah, the good old times, my food friends <3 I can't wait!
Siying msged me and told me she misses me. Hahaha, she doesn't ever do that okay! She was talking about netball, about how she used to call my name and how I would ask her to take the centre pass (make me sound damn lazy please). I MISS YOU TOO :(
(But I can't reply her till tmr 'cause I need to save smses. I've been using abt 50 a day for a month and I just realised that my dumb plan switched to 700 free smses this year. So, I exceeded by about, ten million? Now, I can only send 10 a day for the next week or two ((I sent 11 today, boohoohoo)) so please kindly forgive me for not replying, I still love you!)
Annie's coming over tmr tmr tmr :D Need I say more?
Huishan just showed me a picture of her cute friend. Hahaha, cute guys rock. Aiya, speaking of that, sth very sad happened today. Christl read my palm and told me that I wouldn't get married. SHIIITTT, all my life, I've been waiting to marry a chef (or baker for now, hahaha) and be a taitai. I'm not joking okay, someone brainwash me so I can forget that to-be tragedy.
For now, I'm still happy though.
Basically, 'cause there's NO SCHOOL and I don't have to go be some pathetic outcast / loner in my class. It makes me sick just thinking that I have to go back there 2 days later. But I know it's my own fault, I refuse to do anything abt it.
Guess I've learnt to take some things in my own stride. Yes, I guess some hurt is inevitable along the journey, but well, I made the choice. There are alot of things I cannot explain, like why this dumb choice after everything that has happened, and eveything that is NOT going to happen, but at least for now, let me be. I appreciate all the love I've received for the past 4 weeks, thank you.
Life will still be beautiful after I survive this whole school thing. I'm strong enough.
11:48 PM
The Rose
Some say love, it is a river, that drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor, that leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger, an endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower, and you its only seed
It's the heart afraid of breaking, that never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking, that never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give
And the soul afraid of dyin, that never learns to live
When the night has been too lonely, and the road has been to long
and you think that love is only, for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter, far beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed that with the sun's love
in the spring becomes the rose.
An all-time favourite :)
It's the weekends again! I love weekends cause I can see Annie Darl! Gonna attempt to make Tiramisu Cake tomorrow. It's a no-bake cake, so it's very hard, and has an ultra weird recipe. But I'll try my best. Probably gonna bake chocolate cookies or sth too.
7:33 PM
Thursday, January 27, 2005
I would love you still, forever.
Sorry.
And I know I would never learn to love again, in a long, long time.
Sorry.
7:49 PM
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Cross country run today was more like cross country talk. (Hahaha, Szu Xiang said "I thought you very sporty one?" YEAH LOR, people didn't get into touch rugby plus refuse to run cross country... how to be sporty??) Had a long talk with Huishan about friendship, kinship and well, love in general. Yes yes, don't be afraid to spread the love, the world needs more of that.
I'm not angry with Szu Xiang abt the sporty thing okay, he's such a cutie. (And he's getting *JC badge for me!!!) I'm just sore about everything. But, Huishan, Jason and Szu Xiang SWEETIES (hahaha) did something super heartwarming and unexpected.
They gave me this :D See, I treasure it so much I put it in front of my Shuwei Love Love okay.
But anyway, as Huishans says, declarations of love are important : I LOVE YOU GUYS! I'm putting Szu Xiang on probation, maybe he can be my 3rd friend soon. HAHAHA!
Oh, see see, my sister got a huuuge "get well soon" bouquet today. No fair, I want flowers too!
Everyone seems to like Tiramisu cake. (Do you?)
I shall think about it. Either that, or coffee cake. I just need one more "flavour"! Suggestions, anyone?
6:35 PM
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
I'm getting used to the loneliness but I still love Huishan <3 Okay, since Jason thinks I'm not a good enough jie mei and that I treat him like dirt (I give him cakes all the time okay, ungrateful fella), I shall be nice and say I love Jason too. It's very hard for me to express this... but to put it simply, without them, I wouldn't have made it through the last three weeks. Really. Those two friendships are the ones I know I'd like to keep. I'm such a sweetie, no? :D
Nette just told me to read an energy fan's blog, and yes, I am enlightened. I miss them, but definitely not as much as the previous time. I wonder if that makes me a not-good-enough energy fan?
Yesterday was shit. Plain horrible. I didn't get into touch rugby, full stop. End of topic, go away. I don't want to make excuses for myself.
My sister came back. "Told" (more like hummed, hahaha) me all about it and I don't know man... she's so strong. FEEL LUCKY, people. I think I'd have died of fear if I went to visit her on the first week. Imagine watching your own sister vomit blood, watching blood get drained out of her nose, watching her cry and moan in pain. But I'm glad she's back safe, and I hope everything will be fine soon. My metal mouth, swollen face, pig nose sister <3
Oh yes, liquid diet works wonders. She lost 0.5kg per day, according to my mommy. But she only allows me to try during the holidays, cause she says I have school and I need ENERGY. (Pun intended) Anyone wants instructions for it, approach me. Not recommended for students.
But I don't like the way things are so heavy and dull in the house.
Anyway, there's cross country tmr! And OG outing after that. I love my OG!
I made unsuccessful oatmeal cookies today. Hahaha. Hey, Annie's friends loved our chocolate cake :D See see, geniuses at work.
Hmmm, today is 25th. So I just wasted one year, one month, one day of my life away. Lol. Random thought. I don't keep track of dates.
Okay, good night.
10:18 PM
Sunday, January 23, 2005
:( No, I didn't purposely make it rhyme.
So, Energy came. Their flight was delayed. Mediacorp, then Zoo.
Woo, Zoo was great. Took super close up videos of them and guess what, SHUWEI TOOK THE CAP FROM ME AND SMILED AT ME. He was reading the note while walking (amidst all the million and one fans okay) and I managed to capture the cap in his hands. Lol, so happy, I love Shuwei. He waved into my camera too!!! So did Kunda, for Nette Nette.
Nette got to tap Kunda's shoulder and they saved the cap that almost dropped together. Hahaha, couple at work.
Okay, Ahdi and Milk were cute too. (I feel obliged to say this) Ahdi was very happy today, he wore pink and played with Ah Meng. Hahaha.
Ran and ran and ran after their tram. I honestly hope with all my heart and soul we will not be captured anywhere on TV or newspapers. Too embarrassing.
Amara hotel at Tanjong Pagar. So ulu right, what's wrong with Universal? Waited for almost 5 freaking hours, and what did we get? They went out in Comfort Cabs and Shuwei refused to wave. That's so un-him, even Kunda was nice.
Sigh. So there. It just didn't feel like much, and I'm relieved yet scared to admit that this might well be the last Energy-day for us. I miss them very much now, but I think it's only because they make me happy. It's a different feeling already, no more "Omg Nette my heart is going to jump out".
I just got off the phone with Annie, and I feel so sad. I don't want I don't want I DON'T WANT to go to school. If Huishan was in my class, everything'd be perfect and I'd probably look forward to school, but NO, I'm stuck with the class. They're nice people and I like them, but I just can't fit in, I have no friends, I have no friends, I HAVE NO FRIENDS.
I'm trying my best not to wallow in self-pity. My mom and sister are coming back tmr, hopefully that can ease my loneliness a little bit.
Shit, this sucks. Super depressing. Why, oh why can't I be shit skinny?
11:33 PM
Basically, we threw a surprise party for Annie at my house! Hahaha, to think she actually believed that we'd just let her birthday pass like that ;)
Ate till I almost died, really. Steamboat, curry, orange juice, CAKE, fruits. Doesn't sound like alot, but I was having difficulty even talking after that. That meal lasted me the whole day. I'm still bloated now.
Had alot of fun with those darls of mine :D More details in Annie's blog, please. Pictures will be up asap, I promise.
After the rest left, Annie and I baked, yes, AGAIN. The cake looks not bad (we didn't eat it, hahaha) and the cookies don't look good but tastes wonderful! I aspire to be a housewife cum baker. Baker, there's such a word right? Sounds so weird.
Okay, I'm a little groggy now, cause... well, look at the time. Just finished up 1 math tutorial, 2 econs tutorials (which was rubbish la) and 1 chemistry tutorial. ALL HAIL ME. Been so long since I actually sat down and got some work done. Wow, can't imagine going through the whole Os process again. Poor sec fours...
But anyway, I still have 2 chemistry tutorials but I'm very tired and I HATE MOLES. Oh yes, special thanks to Jason for saving my life when I was about to tear my hair out cause I didn't know how many atoms there were in 20g of Boron. Hahaha, how dumb.
Shall I go finish up? I'm not sleepy, just very restless and sick of numbers. I think I should, cause tmr is Energy-day and I won't have time.
This feeling is very familiar. The staying up, doing work, getting frustrated, msging Nette, feeling cold, hearing Rain snore... you get the idea. I'm not sure if I like it, but I've not felt such sense of familiarity in a long time.
My mommy and sister are coming back on Monday, and so, I WON'T HAVE TO BE ALONE ANYMORE. -Beams-
There were so many, so many times I almost gave in but no, I have to keep my backbone and most importantly, the pride you took away time and time again.
I'm feeling pretty sane tonight. Very nothing. Good good. It's ALWAYS times like this people do crazy things, don't you think?
2:45 AM
Saturday, January 22, 2005
I'm feeling fat tonight, cause I couldn't stop eating my delicious chocolate chip cookies. I hate feeling fat.
But anyway, :D
Brenda, Joyce, Siying and I went to be lightbulbs today. For a short while only!
Princess Annie, not too bad. Good taste. -Nods in approval-
NOT FAIR, I want a cute boyfriend too!!!
It's so heartwarming how everyone's moving on with their lives, finding the happiness that they truly deserve, don't you think?
I'm baking chocolate cake and M&M cookies tmr. I'm gonna give Nana for her birthday :D I'm such a sweetie, and yes, baking is very addictive.
I think Huishan and I are quite psycho, we're forever browsing through other people's old testimonials. Hahaha.
Okay, it's not a good day. Nette's having a bad day too.
-Big hug- May tmr be a better one.
1:06 AM
Thursday, January 20, 2005
HAHAHA! No la, I'm just tired. Schools ends at 445pm today, and no, I didn't think I could survive that. So, it's 4 days of holidays for me!!!
Went to buy baking ingredients, almost died lugging them home. I spent about $100 (along with other groceries, of course) and bought an electric mixer. This is such an expensive hobby.
I just baked chocolate chip cookies! They're not too bad for a first-timer ok, don't small see me. But there's too much, and I don't have a sweet tongue, so the smell is making me really nauseous. That's right, I only like to bake them, I don't eat much sweet food.
Huishan just msged. Whoa, she ended at 515pm and she survived! Three cheers! I miss Huishan and all the gossiping. Hahaha, we're the "GD" club members.
Excited for the next few days, especially tmr ;) Princess Annie, hor?
ENERGY IS COMING ON SUNDAY, like, finally. I'm not feeling much yet, but soon, soon. The loves of my life <3
It's Annie's birthday, let's sing her a birthday song!
Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to Annie, happy birthday to you!
I'll take the laughter and her tears
And make them all my souvenirs
For where she goes I've got to be
The meaning of my life is
She
5:08 PM
You're my second 17-year-old friend. Nette, you're the first! Hahaha, that was so out of point.
But anyway, I really do have a lot to say, so if you're not Annie, it won't be a good idea for you to read the whole thing.
Four years ago, I still couldn't differentiate you and Eileen.
Three years ago, three years ago...
Two years ago, I bought you the green backpack.
One year ago, I gave you a box. Inside the box, there was a 12 (or so) page manuscript (too much Lit!) of our friendship, a cup, a photo frame, a windchime, and colourful drop drop thing (why can't I remember the name for it!!!), cough mixture, sweets, the sticker thing for the muscles (shit, I think I'm having a mental block), a friendship band, a Beckham calendar etc etc.
Sixty years later, I'd probably give you a pair of hand-sewn mitten for your grandson, or maybe, strawberry cheesecake ;)
You've been there through so many of my downs, it's so amazing. You often say you're not good with your words, and you don't really know what to say when I pour everything out, but you know what? Love cannot be put into words, I feel it, and I know you'd always, always be there, heart and soul.
One year ago, things were so rocky btn us I didn't even know if I'd ever have the chance to call you "best friend" again. I honestly thought that was the end of it. But we fought hard, overcoming every obstacle that was put in front of us, and here we are, stronger than ever, baking cakes together every week. It's your fate, Annie, you're stuck with me for your whole life time.
Honestly, you're the only person who can understand my weirdest habits and hobbies. Like "zhua zhua" (don't ask me what's that), besides my mommy, you're the only one who actually does that for me. Like taking super long bus rides from one end of the island to the other, you'd just sit next to me, listen to one side of the earphone, and let me lie on your shoulder. And you'd always, always remember, I have to sit on the left side, inside too.
Many people never expected our friendship to stay so strong. But now they know, when there's Annie, there's Hsin, when there's Hsin, there's Annie. It's just like that, "Annie and Hsin".
The list goes on.
I'm saying all these to let the world know Annie is my Best Friend and I love her very much.
Happy birthday, love. :D
12:00 AM
Monday, January 17, 2005
We shall let the photos tell the story.
Trio NYDC dinner. I know la, very irrelevant.
Happy (I hope) Nette with her "Happy 60th Birthday" balloon and a bouquet of Trio white roses.
Nette cutting her uh, pasta. Jan wanted it, who else? ;)
DON'T KILL ME, it such a cute picture. Happy birthday to Nette...
After dinner, we headed to some weird place for Jan to watch Tiger Cup Finals. Nette and I were so bored so we started obsessing with taking photos. She must have taken at least 60 (no kidding) photos of herself but I shall be nice and not post any of that.
Nope, we're not always like that. The third one was supposed to lovesick (Nette was super) but it wasn't successful la.
But of course, we took decent pictures, like...
this. Jan and Nette.
And this. Jan and I.
Not forgetting, THE QUEENS!
Finally, last but not least, we have...
a bad picture of Trio.
And of course, a good picture of Trio. Love them <3
-Wipes sweat-
Today was rocking too!
Headed back to Crescent for a game with our juniors. They improved alot, they're superb now, please!
I pulled my thigh muscle while warming up, CAN DIE. Obviously I couldn't do any dodges, but it was generally fine. Out of 7 people in the team, 7 people were injured in one way or another. Super funny.
I miss netball.
While we were cooling down, I looked at my team mates and suddenly felt so sad. I didn't want the moment to end. I don't want to have to go to school tmr and face all the unfamiliar and hostile faces.
These two weeks were very tough, no doubt about that, but I pulled through. This is only the beginning, but I'm willing to fight my hardest, because I know I'm not alone. Thank you, especially to Annie and Nette, for helping me see who're the ones who are truly willing to stay with me, unconditionally.
Tmr is the first day of my permanent timetable, and that really sucks. I have PE, but I have a pulled and extremely painful thigh muscle too. Sigh.
This is so surreal, and gosh, what a long entry.
To me you're perfect,
and my wasted heart will love you.
8:07 PM
Saturday, January 15, 2005
Our strawberry cheesecake was very successful, as you can see. Right right?
Looks nicer like that, cause we stole one piece! It's delicious.
Us with our baby.
As for the vanilla cookies...
Hmm, a different story. Like sai like that, right?
But oh well, I'm looking for a more normal recipe now, and I'll try chocolate chip cookies next week.
Baking was originally not my interest, but it is becoming, and it has to be. You'll see why soon.
Anyway, went to the gym just now! I ran 3.2km on the treadmill, in a grand total of say, 27 mins. So, nothing to be very proud of la, I'm still a slacker.
Annie's sleeping in the room now, while I'm waiting for the heater to heat up so that I can bathe and, head somewhere exciting ;)
Might be having Trio meeting tmr night for dinner, I'm praying will all my heart that Nette will be able to make it. Miss them! (Plus I need to sell my funfair coupons, heh, I'm just kidding)
Had a semi heart-to-heart talk with Annie just now. Realised that quite a few people around us are getting attached, and yes, Princess Annie too, soon soon. It's so fun, all this growing up phase.
Off to bathe!
5:27 PM
Friday, January 14, 2005
I'm very happy today leh. I'm not always very depressed ok! People keep telling me I don't smile enough. -BIG SMILE-
Anyway, I had touch rugby selections today. -Takes deep breath- Mozi and I let MG and Crescent netball down very badly. We ran 2.4km (Yes, I almost died when I heard that).. and we were last!!! HAHAH, I refuse to tell you my timing :P Yes, although it was intentional to make it a snail run, but no doubt we were still last. Sprinting was better though, more "my thing". Next Tuesday is ball work, I'm crossing my fingers. Oh, and sweet Annie came allll the way down to give me moral support. How heartwarming, no?
After that, went back to Crescent to play about say, 15 minutes of netball. (The school was going to close, so sad.) Yes, I missed that white and red and blue thing. I missed flying, I missed hearing the "pop" sound when the ball goes in, I missed going "here, outside" to the shooters, I missed everything that used to be my life. But most of all, I missed them! There goes, I'm so happy because I got to see them!
Tmr's another cake-baking day. :D
As you can see, I'm enjoying myself to the fullest before the workload comes down full speed.
Oh yes, and we discovered something very coincidental today! You see ah, Annie's and Siying's birthdays both lie on Thursday (20 Jan, 12 May), Brenda's and Joyce's on Friday (25 Feb, 11 March) and Laura's and mine on Monday (7 Feb, 31 May), cool or not? Cheap thrill, hor?
The Official Slimming Club for the Babes
(Babes = You can interpret it as pretty girls, or Babe the pig, up to you. Same same, I'm both anyway. :P)
President : Fat Hsin (ME ME ME!)
Vice president : Fat Annie
Secretary : Fat Brenda
Members : Fat Siying, Fat Lisa
Anyone?
I aim to be 48kg. I've been aiming that since two yrs ago though. Heh heh heh.
10:10 PM
Thursday, January 13, 2005
-BEAMS-)
Today was a much better day, yes. Thank goodness for Huishan <3 I'm still trying to figure out ways to fit into the class. Number of ways so far : -1
Anyway, was supposed to have mini OG outing today but they stood me up! Hahah, apparently Jason spent like an hour debating if they should go town or not. Waited till I fell asleep ah.
Caught up quite alot with Laura. Missed her <3
SAJC funfair coupons for sale, please buy! 19 Feb, 10 dollars each.
Nananana, I've got nothing to say.
I think you need to learn how to treasure friendships more than you do. Don't come and go as you wish. You need to learn to love with your heart, you need to learn commitment, and how to handle relationships with people. You're always so nonchalant, so indifferent, thinking you can make it anywhere with "your ways", but no, that's not it. Slowly, but surely, you let your selfishness get in the way, and now, I'm sorry to say but I don't know how to look at you with the same importance anymore.
That was a very badly phrased paragraph, but yes, I think you get the idea.
Oh this I know but still I can't find way to let you go.
9:35 PM
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
I'm a huge mess waiting to be cleared, so how I wish you would take my hand and help mend my broken soul. Would you?
I miss you, I do, that hasn't changed, and will not for a long time.
I'm not strong enough to handle any of this.
But I do feel alot better after talking to Annie and Nette, I'm so thankful I have them with me.
9:59 PM
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Annie crashed today! :D I think she was quite bored but I still really hope she'd decide to come to SA. I NEED ANNIE I NEED ANNIE I NEED ANNIE!
My funny sister got someone to take a picture of her and she sent it over through MMS during Econs lecture today. Poor her looked like a puffer fish, and she can't eat/talk/laugh (in short, move her mouth) for a week or two.
I have no idea how I'm going to bond with my already-bonded class. They probably already know one another very well, while I'm staring at the contact list, barely recognizing 3 names. Help. I think they're nice people, but it's very hard to approach people who already have friends.
This was what I feared most. All along, I was so afraid this would happen, that everyone would move on except me. When my OG already gave me that tiny little bit of hope, this has to happen. I'm having half the mind to quit school, I'm not joking.
DAMMIT I really feel like shit. !@$%#$%.
I miss Lily. She's the only person I can sit next to and start acting like a monkey. She's the only person who has ever seen me "pick up a pen, stare at it and start laughing". She's the only person who allows me to write "R&D" (random alphabets to protect identities) all over her books and find that very funny. Can I ever, ever find another person like my beloved Lily? :'( Come back la, you stupid hongkie-wannabe-aussie!!!
I told you I'm in an awful mood and I only feel worse now.
And I'm very confused and I don't know what to do.
I love you today more than yesterday. I like Nette's new template.
8:40 PM
Monday, January 10, 2005
YdkhsIaahspaa. Twadcaton. Ilmfsm, bwirnt, taspwot. Dicts? Iaaitw, aiablt. Ivd.
Baked Oreo Cheesecake with Annie today. We personally think it's quite nice, but...
Yep.
9:30 PM
Sunday, January 09, 2005
I love black and white. Simplicity is beauty hor!
Joke of the day : It's private but it's hilarious. Nette, oh nette. Lmao. That's so Janice. Speaking of Jan, wait till she hears it man.
Friendster does wonders. :D / >:( (Sorry, I'm feelng very lame and groggy.)
Anyway, main point is, my sister's leaving for Brunei tmr for her operation, the one that went through years of planning and a couple of doctors. It's a huge operation, supposedly bigger that a heart one.
These few years have been hard of my parents, financially and espcially emotionally. I hope this will put an end to all those, an end to my sister's sufferings, because she deserves to lead a comfortable life and pursue her studies like any normal student.
I don't know how else to bring it across, but I love my sister very much. I'd miss her for the next three weeks, but I know she'd come back, healthier and happier than ever. Everything will be fine.
Till then, I'd have to work on slimming and facial care by myself. I'd be home alone for the period of time, boohoohoo.
Night.
1:56 AM
Saturday, January 08, 2005
Ate ALOT today. Beef noodies, ice kachang, cheng teng (?), 4 packets of fries from Macs, Mcflurry Oreo (though I hate it), cereals with milk. Well... the desserts and fries were shared, but. This is just to remind myself that I need to be on a diet la. (Annie too, for someone special, or so she says) I've been having a very sweet tongue lately, how weird and unfortunate.
Annie's here. She's attempting to teach me soccer. Gonna watch Tiger Cup Finals (Sg vs Indo) later. Who's Indra? Woo, soccer rocks!
Anyway, went out with the babes today. Slacked and played pool! Think they almost died watching Annie and I challenge each other. She won la, happy? >:( Heh heh heh. Had meet-the-future-husband session too :P
I'm crashing HC on monday!!! And Annie's crashing SA on Tuesday. <3
Don't you think JC changed you?
OFF TO WATCH SOCCER! SOCCER ROCKS!
8:22 PM
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Today was the end of our orientation, and Finale was alright. The dancing part was CRAZY.
I would have enjoyed myself alot more if they were with me. I just feel that if I laugh and dance and jump and feel happy, I'm "betraying" them. My laughter and my joy belong to them, and no one else. I know I can never find friends as precious as them. My heart is with you guys <3
I like the indian and chicken dance.
I think this whole "secondary school to JC thing" is sending many of us into minor depression. It's impossible to not put on a facade, but it's very tiring.
I'm going to be having lessons tmr while everyone is still having their orientation. Boohoohoo. I'm gonna meet my classmates :S I'm dreading that. Luckily I'll be having all my lectures with Francesca tmr.
And I don't know to join touch rugby or netball. Yes, netball is where my passion lies, but... personal reasons. Think I'll go for touch rugby. I'm crossing my fingers.
However, it's not THAT bad. I made a few good friends, and I hope they'll stay!
Woo, and <3<3<3. HAHAHAHAHA.
Can't wait for Saturday. I'm meeting them! Good night, tmr will be a better day.
10:30 PM
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
I think for now, it's still alright because it's orientation and fun, and I get to talk to my friends a couple of hours a day. But when school starts, everyone's going to be damn busy and it'll be a different story altogether.
I'm not unhappy in SA, it's just a nagging loneliness. I always knew it was going to be tough, but I really don't know how to face an empty road alone. I miss them.
And I can't believe I'm less attractive than a 140cm shortie. I have nothing against shorties (honestly), but damn, what a bitch. I'm very upset.
Oh, besides being less attractive than a 140cm shortie, I'm fat too. Jason from my OG told me today I should go on a diet. Lol. Imagine that. -Shrugs- I really never knew I was fat to that extent, you know.
Annie is miserable there at HC too (think she misses me too much), and she's thinking of coming to SA... but like she said, I shouldn't get my hopes too high. I always do, and then it's like, a big fat impact on me. But I'd kill to have her with me.
I heard you're doing ok, but I want you to know
I'm adic-, I'm addicted to you
I can't pretend I don't care, when you don't think about me
Do you think I deserve this?
I tried to make you happy but you left anyway
I'm trying to forget that I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it, I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said, and I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker, heartbreaker, heartbreaker
Since the day I met you, and after all we've been through
Still adic-, I'm addicted to you
I think you know that it's true, I'd run a thousand miles to get you
Do you think I deserve this?
I tried to make you happy, I did all that I could
Just to keep you, but you left anyway
I'm trying to forget that I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it, I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said, and I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker, heartbreaker
How long will I be waiting, until the end of time
I don't know why I'm still waiting, I can't make you mine
So much to say, but yep, I guess it's all there. I'm still trying, really I am.
This sucks. I'm exhausted and dirty (I can't seem to unblacken my muddy feet) but I have to wait for my sister who went to watch Kung Fu Hustle, because I have a slimming session with her. Yeah, I need it what. Ok bye. I hate this.
11:29 PM
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
But... I guess because I had such close knitted friends, it's very hard for me to ever have the same "cosy" feeling again. I can't believe the six of us are just separated like that again. Anyhow, I still hope things will be alright.
Annie came over just now!!! Had a short hour talk with her. All about orientation and ____ ____, of course. HAHAH! We had very funny and weird stories to share. Miss that babe already. Can't wait to hear all about Siying and Nette's days later.
Gonna meet up with them on Saturday. Excited.
Tomorrow's going to be another long day. Wet games, and having OG dinner after school. Daddy's coming back too!
Oh, and I chose 4 subjects in the end. Just trying out, but I'm quite sure I'd still decide to drop biology in the end. Oh well, not time for all that yet.
I can't help but have this feeling of... emptiness. Like, I used to have my friends to look forward to. I'd think of the stories I'd want to tell Lily, Kai and Joelle, I'd know to look for Annie every second of free time I had. Now, it's just, very polite conversations. But I know I know, it's only the second day.
I hate having a bloated tummy. Very disgusting feeling.
Alright, I'm abit tired and restless. Have fun at your orientations!
7:06 PM
Sunday, January 02, 2005
Wow, I've never seen so many people sign in at the same time. Thank God someone created the "import contact list" thing or I'd die adding.
And I had a heart-to-heart talk with Nana just now. Hahah! So fun. It's nice to hear an objective opinion once in a while. <3
Ok, for the final time, HAPPY BIRTHDAY QUEEN :D I'm glad you liked the surprises. I'm such a sweetie.
I'm not going to talk about school, but honestly, I'm starting to relax. Good.
10:49 PM
I realised that the friendships that couldn't work out despite the 4 years left all of us torn and tattered. As we move on to a new phase of our lives, we will learn to forget the unhappiness we once inflicted on one another, and soon, we will eventually forget, yes, one another.
That was in general, because looking back, I did lose quite a few friends I should have spent more effort treausuring. I believe all of us did.
I wish I could do more to salvage this, but I can't, I have no more time to do it. We spent the last 4 years trying to, we can't afford to spend the next 4 in all that agony.
You were never the most insignificant one to me, to me at the very least.
Laura, I look forward to the day we can go eat prata and bake at your house, again.
I'm posting this here just to say that, if you ever felt that I was ashamed of this friendship, no, I never was and never will be.
I'm sorry things couldn't work out but don't ever forget how we sung "shou qian shou" at the service road, don't ever forget how it once felt to have friends so special.
Never once did we falter as our sorority held us firm.
_____
Ok, and dammit.
Econ Phy Lit
I have no aim or ambition in my life so my sister refuses to help me choose a subject combination. Why only have physics and lit, don't have chemistry and lit? It'd be my dream come true.
Sister : "Then your friends leh?"
Me : "Oh, I have no friends."
HAHAH, this is so sad.
And, I just found out she took triple science. Eee, how disgusting is that?
Everybody's getting calls from their OGL, how come nobody's calling me? Boohoohoo.
Did I make the right choice or not?
Sigh. Happy birthday Nette!
2:07 PM
I guess the closer you are to the person, the less words you'll have. Everything's so clear, but I just want the world to know I LOVE NETTE AND SO DOES KUNDA :D
Been feeling like shit the whole night. I'm terrified of school, I don't even want to think about it. I hate this.
I'm going to stay at home and watch TV the whole day. What a way to spend my last day of this holiday that once seemed neverending, but I'll hardly have this chance in the near future.
Boohoohoo. I really cannot describe how much I'm dreading school. I don't want...
12:00 PM
Saturday, January 01, 2005
I'm listening to Leslie's songs on New Year's Eve. Heartpain ah.
I'm craving for Swensen's baked curry rice. Damn, I'm starving. Gonna eat that with mommy tomorrow. <3
Anyway, this year was a very blank year. It passed so fast, because all we did was study, study, study.
May 2005 be a better year.
Can I be your princess for one day, just one day?
12:00 AM