Sunday, February 27, 2005
The Closest Thing
You're the words that come out easy,
And I am speechless at best
Your star it seems to shine above the rest.
You're the face before the cameras
The smile I'd like to earn.
The closest thing to perfect
In a hollywood to burn.
You're the beauty that is deeper,
Than eyes can merely see.
The closest thing to perfect.
But the farthest thing from me.
I'd love to be
The shoulder that you cry on.
I'd love to be
The friend you call when things are great.
You're the dream that hasn't ended
And I'm still anxious for rest
Your words they seem to hang above my head.
You're the bud before the flower
Unfurls into full bloom
Captivating beauty
But it maybe all too soon.
You're the song that writes a story
But leaves a lot to read.
The closest thing to perfect,
But the farthest thing from me.
And like I really deserve a chance to
Sit across the table
And tell you that I think you're wonderful
And I think you're something special.
I guess this is my only chance to
Say I wish I knew you
Because I'm sure you're wonderful
If I'd get to know you.
Been pretty sick the past few days :( But that aside, I'm going to have alot alot ALOT of fun with my besties the next few days. Regardless, yes.
Results ah... I'm okay. For now. Hahaha. Maybe because I don't have very high expectations. 12 will do, really.
Anyway, Saturday was fun! Annie, Joyce, Siying and I went to RJ, was planning to surprise Brenda after her hockey training but AFTER waiting for about an hour, we found out she wasn't even in school. We almost died I tell you...
Annie called her, and found out that she was going to harbour front. At that time, Brenda thought that only Annie was going to meet her to pass her her present. So we still had a chance to surprise her. Halfway through the trip, she called and went "What were you all doing at RJ?"
Poof. No more surprise.
Hahaha. I'm glad she enjoyed herself nonetheless :D We gave her a bunch of balloons, a netball and a cake.
Took a couple of pictures. Uploaded - under 2005 birthdays.
Hey, the Ponning Queen (yes me) is going to school tmr! Surprising eh? Hahaha I want to go see #2!
The best of both worlds?
8:25 PM
Don't you just miss those times, when everyone's birthday signified a home-baked birthday cake?
I remember, a year ago, we had chocolate cake with rainbow sprinkles on top for Brenda. I gave her a huge bouquet of flowers.
I remember, a year ago, we had a game against IJ, and we had a remarkable score of 5-8 against them in the first quarter. (I honestly can't remember what the final score was :P)
I remember, a year ago, we sang the Happy Birthday song for Brenda at the top of our lungs (like crazy people) at NUS and it was okay because, it was family.
Those were the days. Love. <3
_____
Sniff sniff. Sick :( Going to see the doc to get my 2 days MC later.
I dreamt about #2 just now :D It was quite a general dream but I'm happy nonetheless! I showed Annie #2 at the SA funfair and she agrees that #2 is very attractive and looks alot like you. Yay!
Something about love.
1:55 PM
9:52 PM
School was dumb. I'm skipping all the biology lessons already. No point. I'm not interested in lipids.
White Noise on Sat was sneak previews, so we made a wasted trip to town.
I can't wait for results. I want all these to end, I want Annie with me in SA. She's only considering, I don't want to give her pressure, but I can't deny that I'm hoping with all my heart.
Bascially, I'm in a terrible mood because of my cookies and the dumb Sing Pass.
I have a Chemistry test tmr but I'm the slacker / procrastinator of the century. And that's an understatement. I can't study in an environment full of hardworking people who just wouldn't admit that they do study. Do you know how f-ing irritating that is? Don't doubt it, I'm referring to whoever you think I am.
When will I ever be able to love again, away from your shadow? Your eyes, your smile, your voice. The familiarity of it all.
Ah dammit, why are my cookies like that !?
9:52 PM
I know right now, you're broken in two
but
did you know my heart's been broken since the day I met you?
I don't know anymore.
9:20 PM
I'm feeling blissful after eating Godiva chocolates :D I must make my jiejie go buy more. My mouth's watering.
School's starting. Probably the last week before our results coming back. I'm not very nervous... maybe because I more or less know what I'm going to get. Or maybe because it just hasn't come to me yet.
Alright. Don't seem to have much to say nowadays. Alot of thinking to do, till the next time.
I absolutely love her when she smiles
8:12 PM
Today was tiring but fun. Haunted house was... should I say, a success? Well, hope all the effort put in was worth it.
Had dinner with Annie after that. Was pretty late, but we were still quite energetic so caught Hide and Seek. Haunted house definitely did make me more brave, but I almost crushed Annie's knuckles nonetheless. Hahaha.
Just reached home. I'm very sleepy but I need to bathe.
Out tmr with Huishan, Jason and Szuxiang. Ah, my mom's going to murder me. She was saying she hardly sees me nowadays, which is true...
This sucks. I'm confused :( I don't know.
Good night.
2:17 AM
Please visit Haunted House and netball booth :D
I'm dead exhausted. Been doing haunted house stuff for the past two days. It's quite fun actually.
Had dinner with Jason, Szuxiang, HL and Ian just now. I'm feeling fat :(
All the things she said, running through my head
11:04 PM
Hahaha, I didn't imagine it to look this gross. That's strawberry cheesecake, oreo cheesecake, white choc cake and milk choc cake.
Annie and I during CNY. Retarded enough?
Mommy and I!
Lily and I at the airport, when she just came back from HK.
Kai, Lily and I. I'm TALLER than Lisa okay... give her face only!
Jo and I at her house.
Us :D Love them much!
Rebecca at 5am.
Rebecca and Lisa at 501am.
Guess who's the odd one out?
My lovely besties.
Jo and I at the aiport, before they left.
I miss Lily :(
This is probably the last photo of us you'll see in a long, long time. I'm thankful for them.
Jason, Huishan and I. I don't know why I look like that... my hair's probably too neat for me. Hahaha.
Okay that's it. Good night.
11:27 PM
10:57 PM
Jan Kor crashed!!! Didn't really get too bring her around much but it was great seeing her anyhow.
Poor Huishan wasn't in a good mood but she still stayed with me till training started. Love!
You know, although I'm a complete loner when I'm with my class, I don't feel lonely, not a single bit. I don't know why. It's weird because loneliness usually scares me, but somehow, with my class and only with my class, it gives me comfort and makes me feel more safe and secure than ever. I don't see a need to mingle or to entertain people I never want to leave my heart with, I don't want the superficiality of all those friendships. I don't want to talk to them about my deepest feelings, and worry if I've just done the right thing.
But with Huishan and Jason, it's just different. I can pour out everything, act like a mad woman, say nonsensical things, yet I know and have full confidence they they'd accept and love me for who I am. I know I've said this countless times, but I can't stress how thankful I am for the two of them, really.
Okay, just a tiny side track.
I had physical for both PE and netball.
For PE, we just ran 4 rounds and did alot of push ups, sit ups, burp ups, and things along that line. All else was fine except the running, my hatred for running cannot be measured using the universe.
As for netball, we didn't do much running either. Just circuit and stuff. I've never been with a group of more encouraging people, it's like, I don't know, I'm just very happy to be there and I know I made the right choice. They're crazy, fun, crazy, friendly, crazy, nice and I don't know, it feels so family with them.
I'm officially a shooter. I have very mixed feelings about that. I struggled through a year, trying to get used to being one, and when I finally failed (hahaha) and went back to being a feeder, I'm now back there again. However, I know very clearly I cannot and I don't want to "reject" (not like I can...) it or anything, because a good player is one who can play different positions, one who is as flexible as possible. I have to start from scratch, learn shooting and movements as a beginner, but I hope that one year from now, I can proudly announce that I'm a shooter when asked.
For now, wish me luck, I'm crossing my fingers. I have to be humble yet confident at the same time.
And Annie darls, I know it's hard but I'm sure you know you've made the right decision and I'm right behind you. It might take awhile but everything's going to be okay, I'd always always be here. Love so much.
Oh yes. Today compensated for my not seeing #2 for a whoole week. <3 I'm melting... :D
Ew yuck I'm such a sicko. Purely eyecandy, please.
I had a major girl-talk session with sister and cousin last night. ALL about weight, facial etc. I need need need to be skinny I want want want to be skinny but I'm not not not :'(
Because of that... my hwk's piling up into a mountain but I'm always too tired to do. I haven't slept for more than 4 hrs for the past 3 days.
Tmr's sister's birthday. Gonna bake chocolate cheesecake for her, then out for dinner. Another day gone.
Ah alright that's it I'm smelly and exhuasted I miss Nette and
I miss you. Mind over heart, remember, mind over heart mind over heart mind over heart over mind heart over mind heart over mind, heart over mind...
8:46 PM
School was plain slack. Only had PE, Chemistry prac (hahaha) and Econs lecture.
Whoa, my heart just did a tiny lurch. -Hugs Huishan tight tight- Happy Valentine's Day sweets, I love you so much. We can do better. A year from now, we'll be on our double date ;)
Anyway, went to watch the Crescent vs RGS match with Annie and Siying.
After that, airport to send Jo and Lisa off. There were less tears than expected, but my heart ached for them nonetheless. I'd miss the last two years like mad, they were what brought me through those dark and lonely days without the netballers.
Lisa
I'm not very used to saying all the mushy things to you, it makes my hair stand. Heh heh heh. But on this special day, I still have to tell you I LOVE YOU and thank you for everything.
Besides them, you're like the only one I can wholeheartedly put my trust in. You've been there through it all.
Whenever anything happened, good or bad, you were usually always the first to know and of course, the one that had to go through all my endless ramblings and rantings. You were the one that had to be there to share my laughter and wipe my tears, whether you liked it or not. Although you rolled your eyes can asked me to stop it all the time (I didn't forget okay), you've always been my pillar of support and a huge comfort.
Please, please take good care of yourself (and Jo of course, she needs the attention) there okay! Bring your own water bottle, TRY to only sleep half the day, don't eat too much and remember to not only miss one person hor!
See you in a year or so, I promise I won't reject your date with a reason like "it's so awkward". Heh heh heh. I hope that by that time, you'll have your aussie accent, learn your TH, and be the one correcting my english! Hahaha :P And, get a hunk!!! We'll be slim babes the next time we see each other.
Love. -hug hug-
Yep. I don't know why... feel a little numbed now.
The ride home on the MRT with Kai, Annie and Siying was super hilarious. The 2+ metres gay guy. Hahaha, can die. And there was this poor girl who was alone, holding a bouquet of flowers and crying to herself. Aiyo, -pat pat-
I have training tmr... how? I'm super unfit now! Boohoohoo.
We're getting our results back say, next Friday or next next Monday. I'm not feeling it yet.
Okay la, off I go.
9:57 PM
Firstly, I'm going to puke if I see food of any sort in front of me and secondly, Prince Charming (he's imaginary) wouldn't want an elephant.
I don't even DARE to recall what I ate. Basically, I ate muffins, chocolates, chips, pineapple tarts, noodies (etc) the whole night, all the way till 6am. Woke up, ate. Fish&Co, ate my own share of Fish&Chips, Lisa's chips, and Kai and Jo's chips from their seafood platter. NYDC, some very thick mocha. I'm so bloated.
But it felt daaaamn good to be able to just keep eating without feeling as guilty as I usually would have because I was with my food friends. Kai and I are invincible.
ANYWAY, that's not the main point. LISA'S BACK :D ... till tmr. Sigh.
Had a great day with the Kai, Jo, Lisa and Rebecca. Did alot of catching up, baked, played mahjong with them all the way till dawn.
Stuff happened in the morning but poor Jo we still love you loads -hug hug-
After Fish&Co, Rebecca and Jo left, we wanted to catch Constantine but tickets were sold out :(
So... we met Jo AGAIN and took neos. Hahahahahahahahahahaha, I can't describe the magnitude of our retardedness. Too bad I don't have a scanner. I bet I have abs from all the hysteria already.
Jo left and then we walked and walked and walked and walked and walked. Met Jason and HL too!
Gonna send Jo and Lisa off for good tmr. They're staying at Trinity together.
Been so long since I behaved like a mad woman, seems like only they can tolerate that. So much to say but I'll leave it till tmr. For now, I'll just say I'd miss them for sure.
Oh yes! My cousin is here, from Taiwan. She's superrrr hot! And my mom and sister keep mistaking her for me cause she's wearing my PJs. Don't doubt it, I'm implying sth here ;)
Took quite a lot of photos. Will upload when I find the time and energy.
There's school tmr. It's V Day! Gonna bring my muffins to school.
Speaking of that, town was flooded with couples today. So sweet, the girls were all carrying bouquets of flowers, bears, choclates, and CONDOMS. Talk about misplaced creativity.
Ask me how I'm spending. Hahaha. Before airport, I'll be meeting Siying to watch the juniors' match against RGS. WHAT LA, don't laugh okay. Siying only has time for me because Romeo's in Australia.
Good night.
I really wanna call you, but I know that it's not right.
I probably shouldn't tell you but I dreamt of you last night
I guess I'm not prepared to say
Goodbye, so long, farewell, I won't be seeing you again
9:24 PM
Almost over you
I saw an old friend of ours today
She asked about you and I didn't quite know what to say
Heard you've been makin' the rounds round here
While I've been tryin' to make tears disappear
Now I'm almost over you
I've almost shook these blues
So when you come back around
After painting the town you'll see
That I'm almost over you
You're such a sly one with your cold cold heart
For you leavin' came easy but it tore me apart
Time heals all wounds they say and I should know
'Cause it seems like forever but I'm letting you go
Now I'm almost over you
I've almost shook these blues
So when you come back around
After painting the town you'll see
That I'm almost over you
I can forgive you
And soon I'll forget all my shattered dreams
Although you left me with nothing to show
But my misery
Another all-time favourite :) I remember for a period of time a couple of years ago, I repeated this song over and over and over again. I love it!
I just baked many many many muffins. And yes, I couldn't resist the temptation :( Damn good okay. Gonna bake cornflake cookies now! Can bring it over to Jo's house to eat. Heh heh heh.
But can you feel it? I miss you so.
8:21 PM
Thank goodness for Annie. When boredom was threatening to tear me apart, she agreed to meet up for dinner. I love my bestie. And I finally got to try the Fish&Chips at Ikea (To hell with Atkins diet, carbo is my life) and it was like shit. But the meatballs sandwich was pretty nice.
Anyway, she shopped for her Valentine's Day presents but we were practically walking zombies.
Speaking of which... everyone is so on abt V Day this year. I don't know if I should bake. Give who? I'm not exactly very friend friend with my classmates (understatement, yes I know) and the enthusiasm just isn't there la. But I'll probably give Huishan, Jason and a few others.
My sister must be the most unreasonable girlfriend alive. Honestly, he doesn't even have to be SO nice to her. My heart goes out to him.
Gonna meet Siying for dinner tmr. I can finally try the Fish&Chips at Cafe Cartel! Hahaha, yes I'm a Fish&Chips addict and I heard that it's daaaamn good there! This is so exciting. Need to do some catching up abt Romeo with Siying too. Annie and Philip might be joining us too. Heh heh heh.
And after that... !!!
Meeting Kai, Jo etc at the airport at midnight. LISA'S COMING BACK :D Will be staying over at Jo's for the night and town (more like eat) the whole of Sunday. Pure bliss. I. Can't. Wait.
Valentine's Day is coming :( Somehow it didn't feel this lonely last year. Maybe because all my friends are getting married. Prince Charming is taking too long to find his way here. -FROWNS-
I'm just kidding. Hahaha. I love seeing happiness ooze out of them, it's really heartwarming.
As for POOR ME, well... hahaha, I'm perfectly fine la. I already have Toro what! He's just too busy this year. Heh heh heh.
BUT RIGHT, I still want my bouquet of flowers! Stupid Jason doesn't even want to give me ONE STALK because he's afraid of wagging tongues. Some kind of friend right? Okay kidding -pat pat- don't be sad, I understand. Hahaha, I always become so childish when I'm talking to you.
See see, even Friendster has a Valentine, it's all red and ready.
Okay enough. Good night. I'm very sleepy...
11:34 PM
I've had friends who came and left, but they were never as important as the ones I have now.
For the past month, I've always had a reason to meet up with Annie. During the weekdays, we crashed each other's JCs, we went back to Crescent etc. During the weekends, we met up and baked. But this is the first weekend ever that I'll probably be spending without her. I know it's just ONE weekend, it's okay, this will have to happen more than two or three consecutive times in time to come, I have to learn to let go, but it's hard.
For the past four years, I practically lived, slept, breathed Annie. I saw her every single day, and spent every single free second in school with her. You have no idea how hard it is to adapt with life without her. It's just that sick emptiness, if you get what I mean.
And it's not only her, of course.
Like, Siying. Actually that doesn't affect me much 'cause we hardly talked much in school anyway. We do most of the catching up on the phone and we still do. We share a much different kind of friendship Annie and I share. It's not so much physical dependence, more like an emotional one.
As for Brenda and Joyce... I guess we were never the closest of friends. But I'm very comfortable around them, and comfort is something I don't find in most people. Like that day when Annie, Brenda and I met up, we could just rattle on and on and on and it didn't feel weird at all although we haven't met up for so long. That's what I call the most precious friendships.
But will I lose all these to time?
Nette and I didn't get where we are now easily. We braved storms after storms, and finally, we established the rock hard friendship we have today. Yes sure, now I can very easily say that all those were worth it, but that's because it's over. If you want me to go through it all over again, I think I'd need the courage and strength of an immortal.
It's so hard to draw the line between treasure the friendship very much and being over possessive, don't you think? I know for sure I'm perfectly cool with Annie and her new friends, Siying and her new friends, but what if one day they become of greater importance than me? Is that fear counted as over possessiveness?
I don't know, I really don't.
New friends? I utterly and complete sympathise with the people who have made new friends within this short period of 1 month and have lost all contact with old friends. Need I say more? You obviously have never loved with your heart before.
Sure, Huishan and Jason are important to me. In fact, I can't imagine life without them. School will be totally miserable and I'd probably commit suicide in no time. But the attachment and dependence can't ever be compared. I'm sure Huishan feels the same way abt her friends. That's what I see in her, commitment, a heart which is not afraid to love unconditionally.
Am I in this alone? One day soon, will I be the one speaking all these, will I be the only one holding on?
I can say I have full confidence in all our friendships, but how much is full confidence? Life is so uncertain, where can confidence bring me?
But for now, I just want to let you guys know. Whatever the future has for you, for us, I'll be there. I can't promise you forever, but for as long as you still need me, I'll be there.
I love each and every single one of you very much. Never once did we falter as our sorority held us firm.
I know I've made countless promises to try, but when even the most determined tries become completely futile, what more can I do? Frankly speaking, I'm far beyond the point of actually wanting anything. Perhaps it's already part of me, etched in my heart, carved onto my bones. Love is so distant and surreal, something I never want to touch again for a long, long time. I've never been more broken, yet at the same time, this strong. I just want to you be alright, to be happy, and that's all I can ever ask for. All else, I'll take them.
11:36 PM
Huishan : Another day you gotta live without me, and me without you :( Have so much catching up to do with you. But it's gonna be impossible to survive tmr, biology and all. Tell you more soon. See you on monday. Monday. Monday is Valentine's Day!!! Which means... I'd definitely be there with you babe. I'd be crossing my fingers for you. Love.
Now I understand, really I do.
Annie's right, it a chain effect. One shattered life shatters another.
7:59 PM
As usual, we didn't celebrate this year. All my relatives are in Tawiwan (NETTE! You didn't spot this terrible typo, hahaha.) you see. BUT, Daddy promised to bring us back next year! After like, 14 years? My first CNY since I was 3. So sad hor?
My poor family all ate instant noodies for lunch. Hahaha! I couldn't lor, life is so sad without carbo.
Baked marshmallow muffins today. So dumb. I didn't know the marshmallows would just disappear into thin air after baking. Grrr.
Annie came over to "bai nian"! And we planned her Valentine's Day present! Wah, super tedious. (I'm not complaining, no worries. You've done MUCH more than this!) Luckily I no need ah! Heh heh heh :P
I'm baking muffins for Valentine's Day! Probably just choc chip and oreo muffins. Still looking for more recipes.
I'm gonna make durian mousse pie for my jiejie (who can't eat solid food) tmr! Very excited. It looks daaaamn good on the recipe page la! But I need to get whipping cream and some more digestive biscuits. Hope the mama shop opposite will be opened tmr since they don't celebrate CNY.
I don't know what I ate but I feel very queasy and full now. Yuck. Too much meat.
Lily's coming back soon soon soon. -Beams-
LOOK AT THE STARS, LOOK HOW THEY SHINE FOR YOU
11:28 PM
Today was rocking! (I have a good command of vocabulary okay, I just don't want to flaunt it here in case in makes you feel inferior.)
Went to HC to help Annie's class sell Kebabs. Hahaha. Saw _ and I wanted to die. Thank goodness _ came along and saved Annie's life. Don't be angry sweets, that's a compliment!
Met Brenda in town after that. Did quite abit of catching up with them. :D
Met Nana and Nette coincidentally too!
Just had steamboat dinner with my family. Wah, so full.
-Rubs tummy-
Oh yes, my sister put me on a semi-Atkins Diet. High protein, high fat, low carbo. No rice, no noodies, no bread, no potato. I can do it. I'm going to be thin, therefore beautiful.
Alright, off to play Mahjong with my family. I'M GOING TO WIN LOADS OF MONEY :D
Thank you for breaking my heart
Thank you for tearing me apart
Now I've a strong, strong heart
Thank you for breaking my heart
7:48 PM
No school for the next three days, and possibly Friday too. 'Cause it's a Biology day, and it's pointless even if I go to school.
Anyway, stupid Huishan overslept so I was pretty much left alone today :( Hey but I survived, WITH MY CLASS okay. I'm so brave, hor?
Thank goodness Jason was nice enough to accompany me till my training started. Had quite a long talk with him. Hope you're feeling better now. Remember, like you said, NEVER QUIT, every dark cloud has a silver lining. Believe that all these would be worth it at end of the day, okay? <3
Training was rocking as usual. The people there are the nicest bunch I've ever met in my entire life.
BUT, I'm back to square one. I'm supposed to start practicing my shooting, 'cause he wants me to play Goal Attack. Save me... I spent abt one year walking out of that fear and agony, and now I have to go through it again. But I guess he's right, I have to learn to be more flexible. I need someone to teach me!!!
Hahaha, speaking of that, Yingshi couldn't stop insisting that she's taller than me okay. I'm 166, she's 165, I STILL WIN :P But okay fine, she can jump way way way higher than me.
Anyway, #2's the cutest thing ever.
Okay I'm going off to Nana's house now. Nette's there. Till the next time.
8:49 PM
I don't really know what to say. Things are so different from they were a year ago (My dress decompose already not ah? Hahaha), but I still want to let you know that I'm pretty much still here, whether you need me or not.
I hope you liked the gift :D Happy seventeenth birthday, enjoy your day to the fullest, yes? And take care of yourself okay, don't get sick. Love.
Anyway, today was shopping (and pigging out) day. Bought a black Topshop top, so now Annie and I have twin tops! Hahaha. (But I somehow took the wrong size, it's too big
:( Luckily mommy agreed to go help me change tmr cause my training ends too late.)
Took Neos with Annie and Siying. I missed my besties!!! Annie got her new year clothes too... while poor Siying didn't manage to get anything. Thank you for coming down sweetie, moral support appreciated. (HEY JULIET :P)
I tell you ah, I really really REALLY want to be a baker. I even like to deliver cakes. Hahaha, went to Annie and Laura's houses just now. You can insult my everything, except my baking, 'cause it breaks my heart!
I learnt a lesson today. Never to bake white choc cake again. It's overly sweet (sorry) plus IT MELTS LIKE MAD LA, made me so sad today okay.
I'm dead tired.
I'm dreading school so much even the idea of seeing #2 isn't working. At all. I have 145pm - 530pm to slack BY MYSELF 'cause my lessons end early but training starts late. Ah, the agony. But nvm, Tuesday is crash-HC day, and Wed and Thurs are holidays :D
Okay, off to do facial. Love.
1:00 AM
Nette and I have been having exciting eyecandy talks. School isn't so bad now :D (Minus the class...)
I feel like upgrading #2 to #1 but aiya, #2 sounds nicer anyway. I miss #2 :( Friendster says #2 didn't come online today. Boohoohoo.
Okay, I must stop being obsessive compulsive.
Anyway, today was hectic man. I almost died of stress and depression. EVERYTHING was just going so so so wrong but luckily everything is more or less alright now. I HOPE.
Thank you Annie dearie, for tolerating my foul mood. And for today, of course. You're a star.
Going shopping with Annie and Siying tmr! Oh gosh, when was the last time I actually stepped into town, IN PROPER CLOTHES? Hahaha, I was thinking of just wearing a shirt and FBTs or sth, but my clothes are rotting in the cupboard...
Oh, do you know girls have pre-menstrual bloat? So don't be too sad if you wake up one day with a big tummy, it's natural I guess. Hahaha.
So, today was generally good, I love my family! Yay okay, nightos. Love.
11:18 PM
Gotta thank Jason and Szuxiang for waiting till the end of my training, and that in turn, resulted in them not being able to go to the funfair. Sorry :(
The netballers are genuinely nice people.
Anyway, Daddy's coming home tmr!
And it's a huge day tmr. Will be busy all the way from morning to night.
I survived one full week of lessons, and I'm going to spend my well-deserved weekend to the fullest, with family and Annie. -BEAMS-
Can't you see, my undying love for you?
9:29 PM
Boohoohoo. I still have Math tutorial which I can't do for nuts (somebody help) and some Chemistry to understand. Oh, and the Biology test which I don't know a single shit abt but I don't really care, it's MCQ and I'm going to drop it anyway. Sucks, isn't it? Can't bring myself to do much after 2 whole months of slacking.
Come to think of it, Os results coming out soon. Scary, isn't it?
Today was generally okay. Lots of lectures, so had fun laughing with Huishan and Jason. (Szu xiang was abit quiet today) Hahaha. Soon right, the Math and Chemistry lecturer are gonna start throwing eggs at us cause we're so irritating. Jason says he feels under-appreciated whenever I'm with Huishan. Such a girly thing to feel, isn't it? Oh... and MY IAN! :D
Oooooh, my sweet sister just gave me $40 for fun!!! But she said I'm not allowed to buy Energy stuff with it. I WON'T! I'll get baking ingredients instead :D I love my jiejie <3 She's doing facial for me now. So sweet, isn't it?
We're always more grouchy after we just woke up, isn't it? 'Cause I feel like tearing my mom's hair out. Can't she just be a little more understanding? #@%$^$%
Had dinner at Harbour Front with Huishan and Jason. Hahaha... I told you I only have two friends what. Isn't it?
Very funny la, we were like three mad people. Huishan was half-dying of depression and confusion (huggy wuggy), I was genuinely happy (more abt that later) and Jason's crazy all the time la, so yeah. Eating with Jason is terrible, I always have to eat alot so as to not lose to him >:( Sinful, isn't it? Had quite a major bitching session. (Jason... YOUR PHONE IS RINGING! Guess who? All the way from HK leh. Hahahahahaha, what a weirdo man.)
Saw #2 a couple of times today, including a short while before we left school so that explains my enthusiasm :D:D:D Hahaha. To hell with #1 man. Jason thinks I'm obsessive compulsive, I beg to differ though. I'm lovin' it, cause at least I have sth to look fwd to, isn't it?
Oh, and Jason, BE A MAN DO THE RIGHT THING (inside joke, long story), learn how to work the gbk. Remember, the numbers are just archives and yes, it can be scrolled down. Simple, isn't it?
See see, I'm as nice to you as I am to Huishan, your name appeared more times than hers. But of course I still love Huishan more :P She's my orange juice friend okay, just that she likes the school brand (I don't know what) more than Sunkist :( Okay, irrelevant, isn't it?
Jason (ah dammit even I'm sick of typing that) and Szuxiang are dragging me to go some funfair tmr... hmmmm. See if I'm too tired first. Very far, isn't it? Somemore Huishan has some reunion dinner, she's not going :(
A friendship is a two-way thing, isn't it? I can't always be the only one putting in all the effort you know.
Yep, so S51, Huishan and I had a counting session today, and Chemistry lecturer (what's her name?) said a grand total of 40 "isn't it"s, or you may want to know, 0.7 "isn't it"s per minute. And the reason why I included an "isn't it" in every single paragraph up there is because Jason requested. It cracks him up, don't know why la. Hahaha.
Off to get some work done. #2 :D
11:39 PM
I wanted to hold you
I wanted to make it go away
I wanted to know you
I wanted to make your everything, all right
10:59 PM
I have Econs test tmr and Biology (yuck) test on Friday, isn't it?
My sister's gonna die of irritation cause I cannot stop repeating the same song, isn't it?
OKAY SORRY. I was planning to go on and on and on and on and on but I realised it's just so hard to form a perfect sentence and the tenses up there are like, so wrong.
Well, that's how my Chemistry lecturer talks. I'm going to count the number of times she says "isn't it" tmr. Yes, I know I'm immature, but doesn't she realise how bloody irritating that is?
Anyway, as I was saying, today was rocking man!
Hahaha, Nette just said she feels so in love. ME TOO ME TOO. #2 has very pretty eyes that smile. (Just like you!) Ah, but this is not a safe place anymore... Nvm, I'm not complaining :D
<3<3<3<3<3
School was so-so la, like that lor. -Makes face- I can't wait for first 3 months to end and then perhaps I can start afresh with a new class. Once again, I have to emphasise that my classmates are nice people, I just don't see myself putting in any effort. And that's okay with me I guess.
Anyway, I joined netball training today :S Was scary at first, everything seemed so new.
But it's back. The passion is back, and my heart is definitely still with netball.
I guess I've been too judgemental. The coach, yes. I guess it's very natural for a Crescent netballer to dislike him, but he's actually a very nice person. (Alright babes, don't kill me, he truly is.) The netballers too :D
Now the biggest and well, only barrier is that I have to put in as much as I can to fit in, and to learn to live without my team mates. It just seemed so weird not having Joyce and Siying in the circle calling for the ball, but I know it's gonna be like that for the next two years.
But to you guys, my forever team mates, I'd never move on from where we ended off together. I'd do it for you guys, as if you guys were with me.
Was ultra tired la, people slacker what. Must start training up already. My hands are half trembling now.
And to my dearest, most loved Huishan : I LOVE YOU and I know you love me too :D You're such a star, thank you for everything today, I owe you a big one. I'll (fat) guy-watch with you for the next 2 wks without complaining okay? Hahaha. I'll be nice and patient and endure your never-ending cheekiness. KISSES!
Moo moo.
Tmr is a looooooooooooooooooong day but I'll survive it.
Yep, off to call Annie and Siying.
Because, and only because, of you.
7:49 PM
Jason's testimonial for Szu Xiang is super funny.
A short excerpt :
1 example of his funniness:
szuxiang was talkin to my
classmates and asked "hey did u
all know that town is orchard?"
my classmates were like durh!
and he was like "oh! i thot
queenstown that kinda town..."
(Courtesy of Jason) Hahaha! But true la, he's really too cute and innocent. Almost died trying to explain sth to him today. He's on his way to being my 3rd friend :D
Siying was such a sweetie. Very heartwarming to receive her msg, asking abt the netball thing :D I thought little (not so to me) things like that slipped her mind easily. But unfortunately, it's NOT over yet. I feel so unwanted.
And this Nette. She called and went "Today I bonded with my class well..." WAH LAO EH! Too much man, rub it in somemore. Hahaha, just kidding la. I feel for her and I'm glad things are turning better. As for me, I'm surviving. Silly Nette had a good day, and yes, happiness did rub off.
It was a good day for Huishan too. She couldn't stop going "I'm so fly I'm so fly" during Math lecture. Hahaha, yes la yes la, Valentine's day shall be it.
Basically, I'm quite happy today.
OH YES! I was like telling Nette abt eyecandy #2 then she was like "OMG from **** (school)?" Nette aka Little Miss Popular knows everyone okay, so pissing. Hahaha. But apparently #2's (was?) a very good netballer. Yay.
Have I ever mentioned? I'm gonna drop my Biology after first 3 mths, and just stick with 3 A Level subjects. Guess there's no point doing sth I have absolutely NO interest in and I know I can't do well anyway. Lysosomes??? So, yes, I love Math (I do okay, hahaha I'm a B4-er, Annie's a C5-er leh!!! :P) Econs and Chemistry, so there. I'd be better off. (My beloved Lit, I'm sorry I had to let you go.)
I need another cake flavour! How does coffee cake sound? But I'm abit scared cause coffee is not needed in the recipe and isn't that really weird? And I can't fail already, no time left. So... ah, I don't know.
I'm late, was supposed to call Annie 4 mins 35 secs ago. I'm just kidding, but I'm late nonetheless.
Please go listen to Tong Hua by Guang Liang. Very touching and well, heartwrenching.
Till the next time. Love <3
9:18 PM
You're the words that come out easy,
And I am speechless at best
Your star it seems to shine above the rest.
You're the face before the cameras
The smile I'd like to earn.
The closest thing to perfect
In a hollywood to burn.
You're the beauty that is deeper,
Than eyes can merely see.
The closest thing to perfect.
But the farthest thing from me.
I'd love to be
The shoulder that you cry on.
I'd love to be
The friend you call when things are great.
You're the dream that hasn't ended
And I'm still anxious for rest
Your words they seem to hang above my head.
You're the bud before the flower
Unfurls into full bloom
Captivating beauty
But it maybe all too soon.
You're the song that writes a story
But leaves a lot to read.
The closest thing to perfect,
But the farthest thing from me.
And like I really deserve a chance to
Sit across the table
And tell you that I think you're wonderful
And I think you're something special.
I guess this is my only chance to
Say I wish I knew you
Because I'm sure you're wonderful
If I'd get to know you.
Been pretty sick the past few days :( But that aside, I'm going to have alot alot ALOT of fun with my besties the next few days. Regardless, yes.
Results ah... I'm okay. For now. Hahaha. Maybe because I don't have very high expectations. 12 will do, really.
Anyway, Saturday was fun! Annie, Joyce, Siying and I went to RJ, was planning to surprise Brenda after her hockey training but AFTER waiting for about an hour, we found out she wasn't even in school. We almost died I tell you...
Annie called her, and found out that she was going to harbour front. At that time, Brenda thought that only Annie was going to meet her to pass her her present. So we still had a chance to surprise her. Halfway through the trip, she called and went "What were you all doing at RJ?"
Poof. No more surprise.
Hahaha. I'm glad she enjoyed herself nonetheless :D We gave her a bunch of balloons, a netball and a cake.
Took a couple of pictures. Uploaded - under 2005 birthdays.
Hey, the Ponning Queen (yes me) is going to school tmr! Surprising eh? Hahaha I want to go see #2!
The best of both worlds?
8:25 PM
Friday, February 25, 2005
Don't you just miss those times, when everyone's birthday signified a home-baked birthday cake?
I remember, a year ago, we had chocolate cake with rainbow sprinkles on top for Brenda. I gave her a huge bouquet of flowers.
I remember, a year ago, we had a game against IJ, and we had a remarkable score of 5-8 against them in the first quarter. (I honestly can't remember what the final score was :P)
I remember, a year ago, we sang the Happy Birthday song for Brenda at the top of our lungs (like crazy people) at NUS and it was okay because, it was family.
Those were the days. Love. <3
_____
Sniff sniff. Sick :( Going to see the doc to get my 2 days MC later.
I dreamt about #2 just now :D It was quite a general dream but I'm happy nonetheless! I showed Annie #2 at the SA funfair and she agrees that #2 is very attractive and looks alot like you. Yay!
Something about love.
1:55 PM
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
9:52 PM
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
School was dumb. I'm skipping all the biology lessons already. No point. I'm not interested in lipids.
White Noise on Sat was sneak previews, so we made a wasted trip to town.
I can't wait for results. I want all these to end, I want Annie with me in SA. She's only considering, I don't want to give her pressure, but I can't deny that I'm hoping with all my heart.
Bascially, I'm in a terrible mood because of my cookies and the dumb Sing Pass.
I have a Chemistry test tmr but I'm the slacker / procrastinator of the century. And that's an understatement. I can't study in an environment full of hardworking people who just wouldn't admit that they do study. Do you know how f-ing irritating that is? Don't doubt it, I'm referring to whoever you think I am.
When will I ever be able to love again, away from your shadow? Your eyes, your smile, your voice. The familiarity of it all.
Ah dammit, why are my cookies like that !?
9:52 PM
Monday, February 21, 2005
I know right now, you're broken in two
but
did you know my heart's been broken since the day I met you?
I don't know anymore.
9:20 PM
Sunday, February 20, 2005
I'm feeling blissful after eating Godiva chocolates :D I must make my jiejie go buy more. My mouth's watering.
School's starting. Probably the last week before our results coming back. I'm not very nervous... maybe because I more or less know what I'm going to get. Or maybe because it just hasn't come to me yet.
Alright. Don't seem to have much to say nowadays. Alot of thinking to do, till the next time.
I absolutely love her when she smiles
8:12 PM
Today was tiring but fun. Haunted house was... should I say, a success? Well, hope all the effort put in was worth it.
Had dinner with Annie after that. Was pretty late, but we were still quite energetic so caught Hide and Seek. Haunted house definitely did make me more brave, but I almost crushed Annie's knuckles nonetheless. Hahaha.
Just reached home. I'm very sleepy but I need to bathe.
Out tmr with Huishan, Jason and Szuxiang. Ah, my mom's going to murder me. She was saying she hardly sees me nowadays, which is true...
This sucks. I'm confused :( I don't know.
Good night.
2:17 AM
Friday, February 18, 2005
Please visit Haunted House and netball booth :D
I'm dead exhausted. Been doing haunted house stuff for the past two days. It's quite fun actually.
Had dinner with Jason, Szuxiang, HL and Ian just now. I'm feeling fat :(
All the things she said, running through my head
11:04 PM
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Hahaha, I didn't imagine it to look this gross. That's strawberry cheesecake, oreo cheesecake, white choc cake and milk choc cake.
Annie and I during CNY. Retarded enough?
Mommy and I!
Lily and I at the airport, when she just came back from HK.
Kai, Lily and I. I'm TALLER than Lisa okay... give her face only!
Jo and I at her house.
Us :D Love them much!
Rebecca at 5am.
Rebecca and Lisa at 501am.
Guess who's the odd one out?
My lovely besties.
Jo and I at the aiport, before they left.
I miss Lily :(
This is probably the last photo of us you'll see in a long, long time. I'm thankful for them.
Jason, Huishan and I. I don't know why I look like that... my hair's probably too neat for me. Hahaha.
Okay that's it. Good night.
11:27 PM
10:57 PM
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Jan Kor crashed!!! Didn't really get too bring her around much but it was great seeing her anyhow.
Poor Huishan wasn't in a good mood but she still stayed with me till training started. Love!
You know, although I'm a complete loner when I'm with my class, I don't feel lonely, not a single bit. I don't know why. It's weird because loneliness usually scares me, but somehow, with my class and only with my class, it gives me comfort and makes me feel more safe and secure than ever. I don't see a need to mingle or to entertain people I never want to leave my heart with, I don't want the superficiality of all those friendships. I don't want to talk to them about my deepest feelings, and worry if I've just done the right thing.
But with Huishan and Jason, it's just different. I can pour out everything, act like a mad woman, say nonsensical things, yet I know and have full confidence they they'd accept and love me for who I am. I know I've said this countless times, but I can't stress how thankful I am for the two of them, really.
Okay, just a tiny side track.
I had physical for both PE and netball.
For PE, we just ran 4 rounds and did alot of push ups, sit ups, burp ups, and things along that line. All else was fine except the running, my hatred for running cannot be measured using the universe.
As for netball, we didn't do much running either. Just circuit and stuff. I've never been with a group of more encouraging people, it's like, I don't know, I'm just very happy to be there and I know I made the right choice. They're crazy, fun, crazy, friendly, crazy, nice and I don't know, it feels so family with them.
I'm officially a shooter. I have very mixed feelings about that. I struggled through a year, trying to get used to being one, and when I finally failed (hahaha) and went back to being a feeder, I'm now back there again. However, I know very clearly I cannot and I don't want to "reject" (not like I can...) it or anything, because a good player is one who can play different positions, one who is as flexible as possible. I have to start from scratch, learn shooting and movements as a beginner, but I hope that one year from now, I can proudly announce that I'm a shooter when asked.
For now, wish me luck, I'm crossing my fingers. I have to be humble yet confident at the same time.
And Annie darls, I know it's hard but I'm sure you know you've made the right decision and I'm right behind you. It might take awhile but everything's going to be okay, I'd always always be here. Love so much.
Oh yes. Today compensated for my not seeing #2 for a whoole week. <3 I'm melting... :D
Ew yuck I'm such a sicko. Purely eyecandy, please.
I had a major girl-talk session with sister and cousin last night. ALL about weight, facial etc. I need need need to be skinny I want want want to be skinny but I'm not not not :'(
Because of that... my hwk's piling up into a mountain but I'm always too tired to do. I haven't slept for more than 4 hrs for the past 3 days.
Tmr's sister's birthday. Gonna bake chocolate cheesecake for her, then out for dinner. Another day gone.
Ah alright that's it I'm smelly and exhuasted I miss Nette and
I miss you. Mind over heart, remember, mind over heart mind over heart mind over heart over mind heart over mind heart over mind, heart over mind...
8:46 PM
Monday, February 14, 2005
School was plain slack. Only had PE, Chemistry prac (hahaha) and Econs lecture.
Whoa, my heart just did a tiny lurch. -Hugs Huishan tight tight- Happy Valentine's Day sweets, I love you so much. We can do better. A year from now, we'll be on our double date ;)
Anyway, went to watch the Crescent vs RGS match with Annie and Siying.
After that, airport to send Jo and Lisa off. There were less tears than expected, but my heart ached for them nonetheless. I'd miss the last two years like mad, they were what brought me through those dark and lonely days without the netballers.
Lisa
I'm not very used to saying all the mushy things to you, it makes my hair stand. Heh heh heh. But on this special day, I still have to tell you I LOVE YOU and thank you for everything.
Besides them, you're like the only one I can wholeheartedly put my trust in. You've been there through it all.
Whenever anything happened, good or bad, you were usually always the first to know and of course, the one that had to go through all my endless ramblings and rantings. You were the one that had to be there to share my laughter and wipe my tears, whether you liked it or not. Although you rolled your eyes can asked me to stop it all the time (I didn't forget okay), you've always been my pillar of support and a huge comfort.
Please, please take good care of yourself (and Jo of course, she needs the attention) there okay! Bring your own water bottle, TRY to only sleep half the day, don't eat too much and remember to not only miss one person hor!
See you in a year or so, I promise I won't reject your date with a reason like "it's so awkward". Heh heh heh. I hope that by that time, you'll have your aussie accent, learn your TH, and be the one correcting my english! Hahaha :P And, get a hunk!!! We'll be slim babes the next time we see each other.
Love. -hug hug-
Yep. I don't know why... feel a little numbed now.
The ride home on the MRT with Kai, Annie and Siying was super hilarious. The 2+ metres gay guy. Hahaha, can die. And there was this poor girl who was alone, holding a bouquet of flowers and crying to herself. Aiyo, -pat pat-
I have training tmr... how? I'm super unfit now! Boohoohoo.
We're getting our results back say, next Friday or next next Monday. I'm not feeling it yet.
Okay la, off I go.
9:57 PM
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Firstly, I'm going to puke if I see food of any sort in front of me and secondly, Prince Charming (he's imaginary) wouldn't want an elephant.
I don't even DARE to recall what I ate. Basically, I ate muffins, chocolates, chips, pineapple tarts, noodies (etc) the whole night, all the way till 6am. Woke up, ate. Fish&Co, ate my own share of Fish&Chips, Lisa's chips, and Kai and Jo's chips from their seafood platter. NYDC, some very thick mocha. I'm so bloated.
But it felt daaaamn good to be able to just keep eating without feeling as guilty as I usually would have because I was with my food friends. Kai and I are invincible.
ANYWAY, that's not the main point. LISA'S BACK :D ... till tmr. Sigh.
Had a great day with the Kai, Jo, Lisa and Rebecca. Did alot of catching up, baked, played mahjong with them all the way till dawn.
Stuff happened in the morning but poor Jo we still love you loads -hug hug-
After Fish&Co, Rebecca and Jo left, we wanted to catch Constantine but tickets were sold out :(
So... we met Jo AGAIN and took neos. Hahahahahahahahahahaha, I can't describe the magnitude of our retardedness. Too bad I don't have a scanner. I bet I have abs from all the hysteria already.
Jo left and then we walked and walked and walked and walked and walked. Met Jason and HL too!
Gonna send Jo and Lisa off for good tmr. They're staying at Trinity together.
Been so long since I behaved like a mad woman, seems like only they can tolerate that. So much to say but I'll leave it till tmr. For now, I'll just say I'd miss them for sure.
Oh yes! My cousin is here, from Taiwan. She's superrrr hot! And my mom and sister keep mistaking her for me cause she's wearing my PJs. Don't doubt it, I'm implying sth here ;)
Took quite a lot of photos. Will upload when I find the time and energy.
There's school tmr. It's V Day! Gonna bring my muffins to school.
Speaking of that, town was flooded with couples today. So sweet, the girls were all carrying bouquets of flowers, bears, choclates, and CONDOMS. Talk about misplaced creativity.
Ask me how I'm spending. Hahaha. Before airport, I'll be meeting Siying to watch the juniors' match against RGS. WHAT LA, don't laugh okay. Siying only has time for me because Romeo's in Australia.
Good night.
I really wanna call you, but I know that it's not right.
I probably shouldn't tell you but I dreamt of you last night
I guess I'm not prepared to say
Goodbye, so long, farewell, I won't be seeing you again
9:24 PM
Saturday, February 12, 2005
I saw an old friend of ours today
She asked about you and I didn't quite know what to say
Heard you've been makin' the rounds round here
While I've been tryin' to make tears disappear
Now I'm almost over you
I've almost shook these blues
So when you come back around
After painting the town you'll see
That I'm almost over you
You're such a sly one with your cold cold heart
For you leavin' came easy but it tore me apart
Time heals all wounds they say and I should know
'Cause it seems like forever but I'm letting you go
Now I'm almost over you
I've almost shook these blues
So when you come back around
After painting the town you'll see
That I'm almost over you
I can forgive you
And soon I'll forget all my shattered dreams
Although you left me with nothing to show
But my misery
Another all-time favourite :) I remember for a period of time a couple of years ago, I repeated this song over and over and over again. I love it!
I just baked many many many muffins. And yes, I couldn't resist the temptation :( Damn good okay. Gonna bake cornflake cookies now! Can bring it over to Jo's house to eat. Heh heh heh.
But can you feel it? I miss you so.
8:21 PM
Friday, February 11, 2005
Thank goodness for Annie. When boredom was threatening to tear me apart, she agreed to meet up for dinner. I love my bestie. And I finally got to try the Fish&Chips at Ikea (To hell with Atkins diet, carbo is my life) and it was like shit. But the meatballs sandwich was pretty nice.
Anyway, she shopped for her Valentine's Day presents but we were practically walking zombies.
Speaking of which... everyone is so on abt V Day this year. I don't know if I should bake. Give who? I'm not exactly very friend friend with my classmates (understatement, yes I know) and the enthusiasm just isn't there la. But I'll probably give Huishan, Jason and a few others.
My sister must be the most unreasonable girlfriend alive. Honestly, he doesn't even have to be SO nice to her. My heart goes out to him.
Gonna meet Siying for dinner tmr. I can finally try the Fish&Chips at Cafe Cartel! Hahaha, yes I'm a Fish&Chips addict and I heard that it's daaaamn good there! This is so exciting. Need to do some catching up abt Romeo with Siying too. Annie and Philip might be joining us too. Heh heh heh.
And after that... !!!
Meeting Kai, Jo etc at the airport at midnight. LISA'S COMING BACK :D Will be staying over at Jo's for the night and town (more like eat) the whole of Sunday. Pure bliss. I. Can't. Wait.
Valentine's Day is coming :( Somehow it didn't feel this lonely last year. Maybe because all my friends are getting married. Prince Charming is taking too long to find his way here. -FROWNS-
I'm just kidding. Hahaha. I love seeing happiness ooze out of them, it's really heartwarming.
As for POOR ME, well... hahaha, I'm perfectly fine la. I already have Toro what! He's just too busy this year. Heh heh heh.
BUT RIGHT, I still want my bouquet of flowers! Stupid Jason doesn't even want to give me ONE STALK because he's afraid of wagging tongues. Some kind of friend right? Okay kidding -pat pat- don't be sad, I understand. Hahaha, I always become so childish when I'm talking to you.
See see, even Friendster has a Valentine, it's all red and ready.
Okay enough. Good night. I'm very sleepy...
11:34 PM
Thursday, February 10, 2005
I've had friends who came and left, but they were never as important as the ones I have now.
For the past month, I've always had a reason to meet up with Annie. During the weekdays, we crashed each other's JCs, we went back to Crescent etc. During the weekends, we met up and baked. But this is the first weekend ever that I'll probably be spending without her. I know it's just ONE weekend, it's okay, this will have to happen more than two or three consecutive times in time to come, I have to learn to let go, but it's hard.
For the past four years, I practically lived, slept, breathed Annie. I saw her every single day, and spent every single free second in school with her. You have no idea how hard it is to adapt with life without her. It's just that sick emptiness, if you get what I mean.
And it's not only her, of course.
Like, Siying. Actually that doesn't affect me much 'cause we hardly talked much in school anyway. We do most of the catching up on the phone and we still do. We share a much different kind of friendship Annie and I share. It's not so much physical dependence, more like an emotional one.
As for Brenda and Joyce... I guess we were never the closest of friends. But I'm very comfortable around them, and comfort is something I don't find in most people. Like that day when Annie, Brenda and I met up, we could just rattle on and on and on and it didn't feel weird at all although we haven't met up for so long. That's what I call the most precious friendships.
But will I lose all these to time?
Nette and I didn't get where we are now easily. We braved storms after storms, and finally, we established the rock hard friendship we have today. Yes sure, now I can very easily say that all those were worth it, but that's because it's over. If you want me to go through it all over again, I think I'd need the courage and strength of an immortal.
It's so hard to draw the line between treasure the friendship very much and being over possessive, don't you think? I know for sure I'm perfectly cool with Annie and her new friends, Siying and her new friends, but what if one day they become of greater importance than me? Is that fear counted as over possessiveness?
I don't know, I really don't.
New friends? I utterly and complete sympathise with the people who have made new friends within this short period of 1 month and have lost all contact with old friends. Need I say more? You obviously have never loved with your heart before.
Sure, Huishan and Jason are important to me. In fact, I can't imagine life without them. School will be totally miserable and I'd probably commit suicide in no time. But the attachment and dependence can't ever be compared. I'm sure Huishan feels the same way abt her friends. That's what I see in her, commitment, a heart which is not afraid to love unconditionally.
Am I in this alone? One day soon, will I be the one speaking all these, will I be the only one holding on?
I can say I have full confidence in all our friendships, but how much is full confidence? Life is so uncertain, where can confidence bring me?
But for now, I just want to let you guys know. Whatever the future has for you, for us, I'll be there. I can't promise you forever, but for as long as you still need me, I'll be there.
I love each and every single one of you very much. Never once did we falter as our sorority held us firm.
I know I've made countless promises to try, but when even the most determined tries become completely futile, what more can I do? Frankly speaking, I'm far beyond the point of actually wanting anything. Perhaps it's already part of me, etched in my heart, carved onto my bones. Love is so distant and surreal, something I never want to touch again for a long, long time. I've never been more broken, yet at the same time, this strong. I just want to you be alright, to be happy, and that's all I can ever ask for. All else, I'll take them.
11:36 PM
Huishan : Another day you gotta live without me, and me without you :( Have so much catching up to do with you. But it's gonna be impossible to survive tmr, biology and all. Tell you more soon. See you on monday. Monday. Monday is Valentine's Day!!! Which means... I'd definitely be there with you babe. I'd be crossing my fingers for you. Love.
Now I understand, really I do.
Annie's right, it a chain effect. One shattered life shatters another.
7:59 PM
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
As usual, we didn't celebrate this year. All my relatives are in Tawiwan (NETTE! You didn't spot this terrible typo, hahaha.) you see. BUT, Daddy promised to bring us back next year! After like, 14 years? My first CNY since I was 3. So sad hor?
My poor family all ate instant noodies for lunch. Hahaha! I couldn't lor, life is so sad without carbo.
Baked marshmallow muffins today. So dumb. I didn't know the marshmallows would just disappear into thin air after baking. Grrr.
Annie came over to "bai nian"! And we planned her Valentine's Day present! Wah, super tedious. (I'm not complaining, no worries. You've done MUCH more than this!) Luckily I no need ah! Heh heh heh :P
I'm baking muffins for Valentine's Day! Probably just choc chip and oreo muffins. Still looking for more recipes.
I'm gonna make durian mousse pie for my jiejie (who can't eat solid food) tmr! Very excited. It looks daaaamn good on the recipe page la! But I need to get whipping cream and some more digestive biscuits. Hope the mama shop opposite will be opened tmr since they don't celebrate CNY.
I don't know what I ate but I feel very queasy and full now. Yuck. Too much meat.
Lily's coming back soon soon soon. -Beams-
11:28 PM
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Today was rocking! (I have a good command of vocabulary okay, I just don't want to flaunt it here in case in makes you feel inferior.)
Went to HC to help Annie's class sell Kebabs. Hahaha. Saw _ and I wanted to die. Thank goodness _ came along and saved Annie's life. Don't be angry sweets, that's a compliment!
Met Brenda in town after that. Did quite abit of catching up with them. :D
Met Nana and Nette coincidentally too!
Just had steamboat dinner with my family. Wah, so full.
-Rubs tummy-
Oh yes, my sister put me on a semi-Atkins Diet. High protein, high fat, low carbo. No rice, no noodies, no bread, no potato. I can do it. I'm going to be thin, therefore beautiful.
Alright, off to play Mahjong with my family. I'M GOING TO WIN LOADS OF MONEY :D
Thank you for breaking my heart
Thank you for tearing me apart
Now I've a strong, strong heart
Thank you for breaking my heart
7:48 PM
Monday, February 07, 2005
No school for the next three days, and possibly Friday too. 'Cause it's a Biology day, and it's pointless even if I go to school.
Anyway, stupid Huishan overslept so I was pretty much left alone today :( Hey but I survived, WITH MY CLASS okay. I'm so brave, hor?
Thank goodness Jason was nice enough to accompany me till my training started. Had quite a long talk with him. Hope you're feeling better now. Remember, like you said, NEVER QUIT, every dark cloud has a silver lining. Believe that all these would be worth it at end of the day, okay? <3
Training was rocking as usual. The people there are the nicest bunch I've ever met in my entire life.
BUT, I'm back to square one. I'm supposed to start practicing my shooting, 'cause he wants me to play Goal Attack. Save me... I spent abt one year walking out of that fear and agony, and now I have to go through it again. But I guess he's right, I have to learn to be more flexible. I need someone to teach me!!!
Hahaha, speaking of that, Yingshi couldn't stop insisting that she's taller than me okay. I'm 166, she's 165, I STILL WIN :P But okay fine, she can jump way way way higher than me.
Anyway, #2's the cutest thing ever.
Okay I'm going off to Nana's house now. Nette's there. Till the next time.
8:49 PM
I don't really know what to say. Things are so different from they were a year ago (My dress decompose already not ah? Hahaha), but I still want to let you know that I'm pretty much still here, whether you need me or not.
I hope you liked the gift :D Happy seventeenth birthday, enjoy your day to the fullest, yes? And take care of yourself okay, don't get sick. Love.
Anyway, today was shopping (and pigging out) day. Bought a black Topshop top, so now Annie and I have twin tops! Hahaha. (But I somehow took the wrong size, it's too big
:( Luckily mommy agreed to go help me change tmr cause my training ends too late.)
Took Neos with Annie and Siying. I missed my besties!!! Annie got her new year clothes too... while poor Siying didn't manage to get anything. Thank you for coming down sweetie, moral support appreciated. (HEY JULIET :P)
I tell you ah, I really really REALLY want to be a baker. I even like to deliver cakes. Hahaha, went to Annie and Laura's houses just now. You can insult my everything, except my baking, 'cause it breaks my heart!
I learnt a lesson today. Never to bake white choc cake again. It's overly sweet (sorry) plus IT MELTS LIKE MAD LA, made me so sad today okay.
I'm dead tired.
I'm dreading school so much even the idea of seeing #2 isn't working. At all. I have 145pm - 530pm to slack BY MYSELF 'cause my lessons end early but training starts late. Ah, the agony. But nvm, Tuesday is crash-HC day, and Wed and Thurs are holidays :D
Okay, off to do facial. Love.
1:00 AM
Saturday, February 05, 2005
Nette and I have been having exciting eyecandy talks. School isn't so bad now :D (Minus the class...)
I feel like upgrading #2 to #1 but aiya, #2 sounds nicer anyway. I miss #2 :( Friendster says #2 didn't come online today. Boohoohoo.
Okay, I must stop being obsessive compulsive.
Anyway, today was hectic man. I almost died of stress and depression. EVERYTHING was just going so so so wrong but luckily everything is more or less alright now. I HOPE.
Thank you Annie dearie, for tolerating my foul mood. And for today, of course. You're a star.
Going shopping with Annie and Siying tmr! Oh gosh, when was the last time I actually stepped into town, IN PROPER CLOTHES? Hahaha, I was thinking of just wearing a shirt and FBTs or sth, but my clothes are rotting in the cupboard...
Oh, do you know girls have pre-menstrual bloat? So don't be too sad if you wake up one day with a big tummy, it's natural I guess. Hahaha.
So, today was generally good, I love my family! Yay okay, nightos. Love.
11:18 PM
Friday, February 04, 2005
Gotta thank Jason and Szuxiang for waiting till the end of my training, and that in turn, resulted in them not being able to go to the funfair. Sorry :(
The netballers are genuinely nice people.
Anyway, Daddy's coming home tmr!
And it's a huge day tmr. Will be busy all the way from morning to night.
I survived one full week of lessons, and I'm going to spend my well-deserved weekend to the fullest, with family and Annie. -BEAMS-
Can't you see, my undying love for you?
9:29 PM
Thursday, February 03, 2005
Boohoohoo. I still have Math tutorial which I can't do for nuts (somebody help) and some Chemistry to understand. Oh, and the Biology test which I don't know a single shit abt but I don't really care, it's MCQ and I'm going to drop it anyway. Sucks, isn't it? Can't bring myself to do much after 2 whole months of slacking.
Come to think of it, Os results coming out soon. Scary, isn't it?
Today was generally okay. Lots of lectures, so had fun laughing with Huishan and Jason. (Szu xiang was abit quiet today) Hahaha. Soon right, the Math and Chemistry lecturer are gonna start throwing eggs at us cause we're so irritating. Jason says he feels under-appreciated whenever I'm with Huishan. Such a girly thing to feel, isn't it? Oh... and MY IAN! :D
Oooooh, my sweet sister just gave me $40 for fun!!! But she said I'm not allowed to buy Energy stuff with it. I WON'T! I'll get baking ingredients instead :D I love my jiejie <3 She's doing facial for me now. So sweet, isn't it?
We're always more grouchy after we just woke up, isn't it? 'Cause I feel like tearing my mom's hair out. Can't she just be a little more understanding? #@%$^$%
Had dinner at Harbour Front with Huishan and Jason. Hahaha... I told you I only have two friends what. Isn't it?
Very funny la, we were like three mad people. Huishan was half-dying of depression and confusion (huggy wuggy), I was genuinely happy (more abt that later) and Jason's crazy all the time la, so yeah. Eating with Jason is terrible, I always have to eat alot so as to not lose to him >:( Sinful, isn't it? Had quite a major bitching session. (Jason... YOUR PHONE IS RINGING! Guess who? All the way from HK leh. Hahahahahaha, what a weirdo man.)
Saw #2 a couple of times today, including a short while before we left school so that explains my enthusiasm :D:D:D Hahaha. To hell with #1 man. Jason thinks I'm obsessive compulsive, I beg to differ though. I'm lovin' it, cause at least I have sth to look fwd to, isn't it?
Oh, and Jason, BE A MAN DO THE RIGHT THING (inside joke, long story), learn how to work the gbk. Remember, the numbers are just archives and yes, it can be scrolled down. Simple, isn't it?
See see, I'm as nice to you as I am to Huishan, your name appeared more times than hers. But of course I still love Huishan more :P She's my orange juice friend okay, just that she likes the school brand (I don't know what) more than Sunkist :( Okay, irrelevant, isn't it?
Jason (ah dammit even I'm sick of typing that) and Szuxiang are dragging me to go some funfair tmr... hmmmm. See if I'm too tired first. Very far, isn't it? Somemore Huishan has some reunion dinner, she's not going :(
A friendship is a two-way thing, isn't it? I can't always be the only one putting in all the effort you know.
Yep, so S51, Huishan and I had a counting session today, and Chemistry lecturer (what's her name?) said a grand total of 40 "isn't it"s, or you may want to know, 0.7 "isn't it"s per minute. And the reason why I included an "isn't it" in every single paragraph up there is because Jason requested. It cracks him up, don't know why la. Hahaha.
Off to get some work done. #2 :D
11:39 PM
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
I wanted to make it go away
I wanted to know you
I wanted to make your everything, all right
10:59 PM
I have Econs test tmr and Biology (yuck) test on Friday, isn't it?
My sister's gonna die of irritation cause I cannot stop repeating the same song, isn't it?
OKAY SORRY. I was planning to go on and on and on and on and on but I realised it's just so hard to form a perfect sentence and the tenses up there are like, so wrong.
Well, that's how my Chemistry lecturer talks. I'm going to count the number of times she says "isn't it" tmr. Yes, I know I'm immature, but doesn't she realise how bloody irritating that is?
Anyway, as I was saying, today was rocking man!
Hahaha, Nette just said she feels so in love. ME TOO ME TOO. #2 has very pretty eyes that smile. (Just like you!) Ah, but this is not a safe place anymore... Nvm, I'm not complaining :D
<3<3<3<3<3
School was so-so la, like that lor. -Makes face- I can't wait for first 3 months to end and then perhaps I can start afresh with a new class. Once again, I have to emphasise that my classmates are nice people, I just don't see myself putting in any effort. And that's okay with me I guess.
Anyway, I joined netball training today :S Was scary at first, everything seemed so new.
But it's back. The passion is back, and my heart is definitely still with netball.
I guess I've been too judgemental. The coach, yes. I guess it's very natural for a Crescent netballer to dislike him, but he's actually a very nice person. (Alright babes, don't kill me, he truly is.) The netballers too :D
Now the biggest and well, only barrier is that I have to put in as much as I can to fit in, and to learn to live without my team mates. It just seemed so weird not having Joyce and Siying in the circle calling for the ball, but I know it's gonna be like that for the next two years.
But to you guys, my forever team mates, I'd never move on from where we ended off together. I'd do it for you guys, as if you guys were with me.
Was ultra tired la, people slacker what. Must start training up already. My hands are half trembling now.
And to my dearest, most loved Huishan : I LOVE YOU and I know you love me too :D You're such a star, thank you for everything today, I owe you a big one. I'll (fat) guy-watch with you for the next 2 wks without complaining okay? Hahaha. I'll be nice and patient and endure your never-ending cheekiness. KISSES!
Moo moo.
Tmr is a looooooooooooooooooong day but I'll survive it.
Yep, off to call Annie and Siying.
Because, and only because, of you.
7:49 PM
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Jason's testimonial for Szu Xiang is super funny.
A short excerpt :
1 example of his funniness:
szuxiang was talkin to my
classmates and asked "hey did u
all know that town is orchard?"
my classmates were like durh!
and he was like "oh! i thot
queenstown that kinda town..."
(Courtesy of Jason) Hahaha! But true la, he's really too cute and innocent. Almost died trying to explain sth to him today. He's on his way to being my 3rd friend :D
Siying was such a sweetie. Very heartwarming to receive her msg, asking abt the netball thing :D I thought little (not so to me) things like that slipped her mind easily. But unfortunately, it's NOT over yet. I feel so unwanted.
And this Nette. She called and went "Today I bonded with my class well..." WAH LAO EH! Too much man, rub it in somemore. Hahaha, just kidding la. I feel for her and I'm glad things are turning better. As for me, I'm surviving. Silly Nette had a good day, and yes, happiness did rub off.
It was a good day for Huishan too. She couldn't stop going "I'm so fly I'm so fly" during Math lecture. Hahaha, yes la yes la, Valentine's day shall be it.
Basically, I'm quite happy today.
OH YES! I was like telling Nette abt eyecandy #2 then she was like "OMG from **** (school)?" Nette aka Little Miss Popular knows everyone okay, so pissing. Hahaha. But apparently #2's (was?) a very good netballer. Yay.
Have I ever mentioned? I'm gonna drop my Biology after first 3 mths, and just stick with 3 A Level subjects. Guess there's no point doing sth I have absolutely NO interest in and I know I can't do well anyway. Lysosomes??? So, yes, I love Math (I do okay, hahaha I'm a B4-er, Annie's a C5-er leh!!! :P) Econs and Chemistry, so there. I'd be better off. (My beloved Lit, I'm sorry I had to let you go.)
I need another cake flavour! How does coffee cake sound? But I'm abit scared cause coffee is not needed in the recipe and isn't that really weird? And I can't fail already, no time left. So... ah, I don't know.
I'm late, was supposed to call Annie 4 mins 35 secs ago. I'm just kidding, but I'm late nonetheless.
Please go listen to Tong Hua by Guang Liang. Very touching and well, heartwrenching.
Till the next time. Love <3
9:18 PM