Monday, June 27, 2005
Was reading my archives.
Thursday, January 01, 2004
alrights. 2003 has been a happening year. of course, nothing can ever be compared to my 2002, but it had been pretty ok. major things happened, as well as minor things.
major things lik adapting to a new class. it was hard. it was the hardest adaptation i've ever come across. i had to leave joyce, brenda and annie behind. but i did it. thank you kai, thank you lisa :) you guys made it so much easier for me. stella too. although we're not close anymore, there was a period of time when you were very, very important to me. thank you for everything. and to canteen group 3s1, 3s2. you guys rock too. and of course, the biggest thank you is to my best friends, annie, brenda, joyce, laura and siying. you guys stood by me, assured me again and again through both actions and words. without you guys, i'd really be nothing at all.
major things lik losing a friendship in march, i think. not exactly lose, but losing nonetheless. i won't elaborate, but it was hard too.
major things lik netball. miss toh leaving, joan leaving, peishan leaving, miss chng coming. we handled it strong, didn't we? crescent netball, we are strong, mentally. sec fours left, sec twos joined. the beginning wasn't easy and peaceful, but in the end, we still made it. now, we're a new team, a better, stronger team than anyone ever expected. skillwise, we have room for alot more improvement, but i love my team mates. i say proudly that i love my team mates, each and every single one. they're all a huge part of my life. crescent netball, i said we are strong. and we are going to prove to so many others that we are. whether we make it far next year or not, we know we're a happy team, we've done all we could. i love you guys. :)
major things lik losing yet another friendship, just these few weeks. i guess along with the friendship, i lost myself too. but i'm ok now. i'm getting better. one day, i'll be completely ok. the friendship meant alot, alot, alot. and i still hope to get it back, one day.
of course, the biggest thing that happened in all our lives. i changed, we changed. we grew stronger. my life changed from then on. i don't wish to say anymore abt this, but i've learnt so much. i've become a much stronger person, i've learnt to love, to treasure each and every single second of my life, as well as each and every single one in my life whom i love. i saw remarkable strength in my friends, and we're still walking on together. once again, never once did we falter as our sorority held us firm. you're our star, strong girl.
that puts the end to major things.
minor things lik having rain. mom often tells me that she's grateful we've had rain, because since then, i've changed. i opened up more to them, smiled more, talked more, became a more happy and pleasant daughter. and i agree. he's a dog, yes, but it's little things lik that that brings out love in you. i've almost lost rain once because of my sister's health, and then, i realised even a dog, i must learn to treasure. i love rain :)
minor things lik leslie. leslie was a huge part of my life for a few mths. for that period of time, i don't know why i was feeling, and what i was feeling even. anita mui just passed away, and it got me thinking abt leslie again. it wasn't an easy time, i remember. i remember the 3am incident in my room, i remember feeling the presence. it might be stupid, why would he come and visit me, but then i felt it. i remember going all over singapore, hunting for cds and vcds, and i remember khin and annie's support. they didn't find me some kind of freak, going mad over such a thing. thank you.
minor things lik loving, letting go, loving, and choosing out. two times this year. i think. people who were there, people who gave me strength to go on, people i appreciate. all sums up to two words, thank you.
minor things lik obs. ;)
yep. next yr will be a tough yr, battling os and leaving netball. but i can do it. and i will.
i will train my hardest for netball. run my longest, throw my best, jump my highest. i'll sharpen my dodges, improve on my defending, increase my speed. i'll be a good wingattack, i'll be better than you expected, i promise. i'll try my best to have confidence when i play centre, if i ever have to. i'll help my team mates in everything, respect my captain, and learn from every single person. i'll make next yr my best netball year.
i will study hard, starting june. i won't get six points, but i'll get at least ten. i'll pass my biology, maybe a b3 or a2, and ace my chinese. i won't let my maths drop. they can only improve. amaths will be b3, emaths a1. i will do it. i'll try to pay attention during history, and try not to eat too much in class too. it's pretty hard when you sit next to lisa (heh), but next yr, i won't be. i'll be punctual in handing up my work and study real hard. i'll survive. 4s2 :)
i will treasure everyone more. respect my parents, love my sister. i will. my friends too. they're the biggest part of me, everyone. i will treasure every single friendship more.
i will lose weight!!!
that's it. long, long entry.
annie, brenda, joyce, laura, siying. you all make up my secondary school life. i don't care what pple say, we don't care. we've stayed together through tough times, will always. :)
___
Whoa. I felt SO much when I read that. Especially that bolded paragraph. You're still our star, strong girl. I'd always rmb when we sang "shou qian shou", with Brenda playing the guitar and we cried tgt at the service road. I'd never forget that period of time, I know none of us ever would.
And my O level prediction is damn cool la! Except the final L1R5, everything was correct!
Okay, back to Chemistry.
11:47 PM
This is getting to me.
10:08 PM
2:29 PM
Ask me what I'm doing at 209am, in front of my stupid computer, looking at irrelevant people's Friendster profiles and trying to drag myself off the chair but failing miserably...
when I have a Chemistry exam on Tuesday and I'm not even 1/10 done?
Worst thing is I'm not even scared. This is so damn bad.
I tried so hard to study but come, let me tell you about my day.
11am - wake up
11am to 1pm - watch TV, eat curry rice
1pm to 4pm - 4 Trigo questions
4pm - hungry
4pm to 5pm - go Holland V to buy Subway and lots of bread
5pm to 7pm - watch TV, sleep
7pm to 8pm - Chemical bonding
8pm to 9pm - highlight of the day (read on)
9pm to 11pm - bathe, watch TV
11pm to 120am - Chemical bonding
120am to now - online doing redundant things
Okay, as I was saying.
HIGHLIGHT OF the DAY - I WENT SHOPPING.
Oh my gosh. It's retail therapy man! My sweet sister brought me there cause I was like "WHAT?" after she came home with many shirts and skirts and telling me how much they cost.
Factory Outlet Store (FOS) opposite Holland V, everybody check it out.
Flooded with branded (Nette called me a brand whore. I'm not) T-shirts (love of my life) which are DIRT CHEAP. I really mean, dirt cheap. One Abercrombie and Fitch shirt for S$14.90. Come on man, we don't even have A&F in Singapore, but now we're talking about S$14.90. There are other US brands like Jill Stuart, American Eagle etc. (I'm not good with brands haha), and the shirts are all around that price.
There are skirts at about S$19.90 each (haha all about size 0 to size 2, so if you're not Giel, don't bother) and mommy clothes so you can bring your mommy along to pay for you!
Best thing is, new stock weekly. Yes, I think I've become a die-hard shopaholic. I bought 4 tops, and I love them! It's heaven, really. Thinking about it makes me excited. -Smiles dreamily-
Yeah la yeah la, I'm a freaking bimbo. But I must say, the shopping helped me destress alot. Gonna study till morning. ENERGETIC!
Toodles.
2:09 AM
And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
Happy happy! Energy's concert is coming (gasp scream squeal!) so I'm "revising" old songs and learning new songs. Haha! My whole winamp is flooded with nothing but Energy, oh how blissful can life get.
Speaking of revising and learning, Energy songs over Chemistry, anytime. But of course that's not possible. Yesterday's studying was okay.
Scary. Two more days to GP, then Chemistry (lol), then Econs, then Math (you know I worked SO HARD for Math I think I'd be devestated if I don't get at least a D),then Chinese. Ah, save the best two for the last! THEN it's PARTY TIME.
Missing you is such a sad song.
12:38 PM
Sorry didn't mean to call you, but I couldn't fight it
I guess I was weak, couldn't even hide it
And so I surrendered, just to hear your voice
I survived my studying night! Enough slacking, gonna start on my Chemistry (FINALLY) today. Intensive lesson with my sister first, then maybe back to school to study with my monkies. I just can't not see them for one day, can I?
Come on, we all have to keep going. Think of ALL the things we can do after our common tests. Push Push Push! (Go on, Giel. Go on! -wink-)
Okay. For me, it's shopping (alot of that), Lisa Jo and Kai (!!!), and oh my gosh ENERGY. That's enough to keep me busy for quite long. Then I gotta start studying again for promos. Lol.
Okay off I go!
12:40 PM
And when I'm with you I'm close to tears
'Cause you're only almost here
Today was fun :D
Spent time with my darlings and we watched Initial D. I loved it! Jay Chou is SO FREAKING HOT I'm going to marry him! Even Shawn and Edison paled in comparison, but I think it's on purpose cause Jay is supposed to be the lead but who cares, I love him. Annie, don't snatch with me ah :P
After what happened today, I really think I'm a very bad person. Why can't I be a nicer person? I don't even try hard enough.
But anyway, I'm feeling really stressed out. I need need need need need to study very hard tonight. Gonna do Econs, then have Math as break (that's how much I love math haha). But my Chemistry, I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED. I'm so dead. Sigh.
Okay, off to bathe then gonna stay awake to study tonight! Wish me luck.
10:26 PM
I think I know why I was feeling so empty the last few days. My days have been so packed. I leave the house before breakfast, and reach home after dinner. Not that I play or anything, I'm always doing sth productive - netball or studying, whichever. But perhaps I need more space to myself, to relfect on things, people, happenings, things along that line. But because I'm always so busy (busy studying, eek), I wake up and I go, I reach home and I sleep or use the computer. Perhaps it's the lack of time with my family and my dog as well. I just don't like to feel so exhausted.
Not that I'm not exhausted today la. I just feel refreshed. I was still out from morning till night, still going to be tmr from morning till night... sigh. I need to recharge after tmr. I need to.
Anyway, enough of that. Today is supposed to be happy!
Actually nothing much happened. Had tuition, slacked (read: gossiped) in school with the netballers and bitchy Huishan, then down to Kallang for our match. I think it was q a good match, considering that we're working on a brand new combination and all. Ah ah ah, I had an achievement! I played 4 quarters of Centre! Haha. Yeah, so I'm half dead now but hey, I survived it :D Haha. Gotta go train up stamina!!!
I'm tired, just plain tired. I need to go rest. Maybe because I've been seeing/hearing lots of things that remind me of you these few days too. Thinking more than I should be but oh well!
Talking to Nette on the phone now. Later!
10:39 PM
A little too hard; don't you think I deserve better.
12:34 AM
Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts
Haven't I always loved you
6:18 PM
I know I keep saying this but I miss Nette! Without her life is just so empty. (and Energy-less)
Basically, I slept and ate my day away. Tried hard to study but only did a little Math. Going back to do a little more now. Training at 8-freaking-AM tmr, can't sleep too late. Help.
Was blog-hopping just now. I seldom do that. SA people, Crescent people, random people.
And I realised... my life revolves too much around myself and my friends. I'm not saying that's sth bad. It's alright, just simple. But I find myself thinking - would I rather simplicity or something more exciting, more colourful?
I think that's what I mean by greedy, I hate to miss out, I just want to have everything. Perhaps my life is neither simple nor colourful enough. Stuck in between. Nah... actually I think I'm happy the way I am.
I just need to be a better person. I really do. I need to be more accepting, less judgemental, less shallow (haha), LESS INSECURE. I need to look into the hearts of others, look past what and who they are on the outside and allow myself to know more abt the people around me. I think I've been building my stupid wall for too long, I need to take it down. I'm too selfish, or may I say, self-centred. I think too little abt others, and that's wrong. I need to open up, and allow other pple to open up to me.
Jason said sth yesterday. He said I'm always looking happy but I keep too many thoughts in me. Hmm. The happy part no, I don't think I hide my unhappiness but the thoughts part... maybe, I don't know. I think it's very unintentional. Nowadays I don't know who I can turn to anymore. Ironic? I think I'm just scared la.
Okay. Too much rubbish. Good night.
12:05 AM
Happy Saturday! I enjoyed myself very much today :D
Tuition, then over to Germs' house to study. (more like sleep and eat)
Met Jason and Huishan in town for dinner. HAHA damn funny!!! I miss them so much okay :( Just like the good old days. Talked and laughed and went crazy trying to act like tourists. Thanks for everything today, more of this soon!
I need to settle down to serious studying. I'm shit scared.
And Nette, come back please. I miss you! (it's only been one freaking day lol)
I'm actually very tired, but gotta wait for my hair to dry.
Life is good!
I heard you're doing okay, but I want you to know
I'm a addic- I'm addicted to you
I can't pretend I don't care, when you don't think about me
Do you think I deserve this?
I tried to make you happy but you left anyway
I'm trying to forget that I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it, I'm addicted to you
Now it's over, can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker
Since the day I met you, and after all we've been through
I'm still addic- I'm addicted to you
I think u know that it's true, I'd run a thousand miles to get u
Do you think I deserve this?
I tried to make you happy, I did all that I could
Just to keep you, but you left anyway
How long will I be waiting, until the end of time
I don't know why I'm still waiting, I can't make you mine
Heartbreaker, I'm addicted to you
Haha. Feeling very ouch now. Maybe life isn't so good after all.
1:30 AM
PT was horrible, my stamina sucks so bad :( Nvm, train train train!
Headed to town to shop for Jen's presents (I bought chunky beads! My mom HATES them haha) with Maylene and Tric.
Germs came, travelled all the way to the airport. Giel came rushing in late. Oh yes. Our dear Giel was lost and she ended coming OUT of the arrival hall, the baggage claim place. Haha. Stupid girl walked right in la!
We surprised Jen with a big board, a cake, an eeyore, and a green sports bra! Haha. No link? But I missed our Jenny!!! Hope you enjoyed today, you know we love you :D
Amidst all the fun and laughter, there's still an emptiness I can't hide. I think about you and it makes me sad. I wish I could see your smile, just one last, final time.
NETTE - I'll miss you, my Energy updater and constant sms-er :( Come back soon and buy lots of things!!! Love <3 Kunwang dreams for the 2 nights I won't be able to talk to you.
11:34 PM
Studied at JE library (again) with Maylene and Germs. (again, but where's Giel?) Today was okay, quite productive. In comparison la, at least.
I'm still VERY scared. I've been doing non-stop math... Econs can catch up... but my Chemistry. Oh, the horror, my Chemistry. Panic panic panic!
There's PT tmr. No complaints. We need it!
Okay, off to do Econs and maybe some Math. Energy on TV later :D
10:16 PM
I miss you :( Come back soon or I'll steal your PTS away!
1:03 AM
I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete
I've actually got a lot to say, but I don't know how to put into words. I'm a greedy person, I can never learn to be contented. Worst thing is, I don't even know what is missing. It's just like an uncompleted puzzle, but the last piece doesn't exist.
On a lighter note, ;) to Annie.
11:13 PM
Had a game against Nike Swoosh yesterday. It was a much better game than the one against SRC II, really proud of us. Even with 2 players (JENNY WO XIANG NI!) away, two defenders down, we still managed to keep the team morale high and I think that's something good.
Thank you Annie for coming down to support yesterday :D You're such a star!
Germs and Giel came over for a sleepover. Had our usual heart-to-heart talk ;) Now Maylene's over. Haha. Studying, I promise!
GIEL AND MAYLENE - Hey babes! (though you're just behind me) Take care of your ankles okay? Fow now, we'll be your escorters. We miss our star defenders. :D Love.
It just scares me. I don't want to revisit all the bad memories, I really don't.
5:32 PM
11:02 PM
Digressing abit first, I just watched Energy on TV. Melt melt. They always bring me to a place where there's nothing bad, just fun and excitement, a very fairy-tale like feeling. Away from reality, away from everything I don't want to think about. I think that's one of the reasons why I like them so much... they make me happy, nothing else. But the fall back to reality is hard.
Anyway, chalet was fun! Haha. Had a big-group talk again :) Love my darlings, and I miss the J2s already!
Ate, talked, took pictures, gave presents, played mahjong, gave Ah Sian and Jen cake, played cards. Talked and took pictures the most. Stayed up the whole night with Ali, Fang-er, Tric and Giel cause I didn't see a point in sleeping since I had to leave so early. Haha. Indian poker at 6am was damn funny la!
I'll put the pictures up when imagestation.com decides to work.
Anyway, left Chalet at 6am to look for Nette at Harbour Front! Thanks for queueing while I wasn't there. Had a 12-hour wait that passed q fast. Haha. ENERGY!!! Sigh. It's so sad that this'd probably be the last time they'd ever hold an autograph session. But they were all very nice except tired Ahdi who was in pain. My Shuwei :D -BEAMS-
Matching shirts!
Yep. So that summarises my two exciting but shit tiring days.
Had training in the morning... was super tired. I've gotta start working harder and get things right.
Energy again tmr, then tuition, then watching NSL with my team mates.
MAYLENE - Hey sweets. You take care of that ankle of yours okay? We'd visit you if you can't walk and be your clutches/wheelchair! You won't be left alone, no worries. I'd miss you on court :( BUT make sure it heals completely first. Love. Hug hug. PS. You better not do it again I tell you, we'll kill you!
GIEL - Everything will be okay because we'd always be behind you.
Oh yes, I was talking about being fickle? Haha. Joke, joke ;)
Alright. Good night world.
9:07 PM
Chalet was great, Energy was even better. (Haha... I prefer Energy to netballers, yes.)
I'm going to sleep. Peace out!
I must be the most fickle person on earth. Hahahahaha.
4:04 PM
We had a game against SRC II today, lost quite badly. But that really isn't the point... I love my team. It's our first competitive game tgt, and I've never felt so good. No doubt we still have alot more to work on, but I believe that, with our hands all joined tgt, we can achieve wonders. I love my team.
Tric - Sorry for all the dumb passes. I'd work hard on them, I promise I'd never make you stretch so much again ;)
I think Tric is my favourite person ever! HAHA.
Yingzhen - GREAT PLAY! I love playing with you and after today, even more so. Let's work hard tgt, yes? Stamina training for us!
Jo - Thanks for coming down darls! You know I love you!
Baked oreo cheesecake and strawberry cheesecake for the netball chalet tmr. Woots!
Gonna have netball game against soccer boys (HAHA) tmr morning, then chalet.
Shit tired now but I can't sleep. Gonna conference with Maylene and Germs again... I think I'm addicted to them, which is really gross.
You're still my most precious one.
11:27 PM
This super cool thing from Nette, which is 90% true! Haha.
Went studying at the library with darlings. Was rather productive. Gonna do more Econs later. Nat leaugue tmr!
Maybe I'm the one who changed... I don't know, I think so. But it's just hard for me to look at you the same way again.
I love Nette! -HUG-
10:18 PM
Okay, pictures for Trio outing!
Nette and I, happy with our Energy albums :D
Slurps!
With my wand and my pretty box! Birthday present fron Janny!
DELIGHTED with my 7 pairs of earrings!!! -KISSES JAN-
Fondue, anyone?
Haha. Nette was too embarrassed of us.
There, my favourite Trio.
My new earrings! Yes Jan, a girl can never have enough earrings.
QUEEN! From Nette. Super sweet.
Messy table with my new shirts! Haha.
Alright. Off I go.
12:56 AM
Met Maylene in the aftnoon to do some shopping. As usual. Miss that fat babe already.
Then after that, TRIO MEETING! Surprise surprise, Jan was late. Haha. Nette and I shopped!!! (I'm a shopaholic help me, I spend too freaking much)
I got two shirts, white (finally, my ONLY white top now, believe it or not) and green :D Haha. Nette and I bought the same green shirt so we can go see Energy in it. How exciting.
Did quite a bit of catching up with my darlings. Love them! Talking to irritating Nette on the phone now. She's always disturbing me, big fat sigh. She demands such a high level of attention.
Team talk tmr. Yep.
Probably studying with the netballers (and Jo, the half-netballer) after that. Haha. Miss my oh-so darlings, as Nette calls them. Haha.
It's always sad when couples have to break up when they still have feelings for each other. I hope time will heal all wounds. -HUG-
I found my necklace today. I don't really know what to feel.
12:37 AM
Okay I love Energy. They wrote personal notes to us, and Milk, Kunda and Ahdi (damn that Shuwei) all included Toro in their messages. Toro will always be part of Energy :D You have no idea how happy I am, I think Toro will cry if he reads it.
Sigh, such bitter sweet memories. At this time last year, my laughter and my tears were all because of Energy. Now things are just so different but I still love my Energy. A lot.
This is most likely gonna be their last album, but I know that every single detail will always stay with me. (and Nette! haha)
Anyway, I need to get my ass down to studying. I need to. Next week is gonna be so packed.
Wed - nat leaugue
Thurs - match against soccer boys (HAHA) and chalet
Fri - ENERGY
Sat - rest
Sun - ENERGY
Mon - slumber party!
Woohoo. But I still need to get my ass down to studying.
Gonna meet Maylene for a short while later for window shopping (no $$$), then Trio for dinner! Haha. My belated birthday dinner. So exciting.
Had a long talk with Maylene and Germs last night. I don't know. I just hope that through all the senseless judgements, we'd still survive as one, strong.
I'm sorry for every single person who is being dragged into this because of me. I'm just really sorry. I don't know how to right my wrongs, I wish I knew what went wrong in the first place.
Alright. Off I go.
12:56 PM
12:05 AM
I think my life's been too perfect, that's why. It's been a long time since I've felt like this. It was definitely about time I meet with some obstacles, but isn't this a bit too much?
I tried so hard, but clearly nothing has changed. After say, 1 1/2 years, it has always only been you.
I hate the way I'm so f-ing weak, I hate the way I still wish I could be the one you're smiling back at.
Oh, Ahdi's leaving Energy, I don't know what to feel. My poor boys.
And we have our new captains, Ata as captain and Tric as vice-captain. And our darling MAMA M as secretary :) I believe this is the best choice possible, and that with them as our eyes, we can bring glory to the team.
Okay, I'm squeezed dry. Good night.
12:09 AM
Was reading my archives.
Thursday, January 01, 2004
alrights. 2003 has been a happening year. of course, nothing can ever be compared to my 2002, but it had been pretty ok. major things happened, as well as minor things.
major things lik adapting to a new class. it was hard. it was the hardest adaptation i've ever come across. i had to leave joyce, brenda and annie behind. but i did it. thank you kai, thank you lisa :) you guys made it so much easier for me. stella too. although we're not close anymore, there was a period of time when you were very, very important to me. thank you for everything. and to canteen group 3s1, 3s2. you guys rock too. and of course, the biggest thank you is to my best friends, annie, brenda, joyce, laura and siying. you guys stood by me, assured me again and again through both actions and words. without you guys, i'd really be nothing at all.
major things lik losing a friendship in march, i think. not exactly lose, but losing nonetheless. i won't elaborate, but it was hard too.
major things lik netball. miss toh leaving, joan leaving, peishan leaving, miss chng coming. we handled it strong, didn't we? crescent netball, we are strong, mentally. sec fours left, sec twos joined. the beginning wasn't easy and peaceful, but in the end, we still made it. now, we're a new team, a better, stronger team than anyone ever expected. skillwise, we have room for alot more improvement, but i love my team mates. i say proudly that i love my team mates, each and every single one. they're all a huge part of my life. crescent netball, i said we are strong. and we are going to prove to so many others that we are. whether we make it far next year or not, we know we're a happy team, we've done all we could. i love you guys. :)
major things lik losing yet another friendship, just these few weeks. i guess along with the friendship, i lost myself too. but i'm ok now. i'm getting better. one day, i'll be completely ok. the friendship meant alot, alot, alot. and i still hope to get it back, one day.
of course, the biggest thing that happened in all our lives. i changed, we changed. we grew stronger. my life changed from then on. i don't wish to say anymore abt this, but i've learnt so much. i've become a much stronger person, i've learnt to love, to treasure each and every single second of my life, as well as each and every single one in my life whom i love. i saw remarkable strength in my friends, and we're still walking on together. once again, never once did we falter as our sorority held us firm. you're our star, strong girl.
that puts the end to major things.
minor things lik having rain. mom often tells me that she's grateful we've had rain, because since then, i've changed. i opened up more to them, smiled more, talked more, became a more happy and pleasant daughter. and i agree. he's a dog, yes, but it's little things lik that that brings out love in you. i've almost lost rain once because of my sister's health, and then, i realised even a dog, i must learn to treasure. i love rain :)
minor things lik leslie. leslie was a huge part of my life for a few mths. for that period of time, i don't know why i was feeling, and what i was feeling even. anita mui just passed away, and it got me thinking abt leslie again. it wasn't an easy time, i remember. i remember the 3am incident in my room, i remember feeling the presence. it might be stupid, why would he come and visit me, but then i felt it. i remember going all over singapore, hunting for cds and vcds, and i remember khin and annie's support. they didn't find me some kind of freak, going mad over such a thing. thank you.
minor things lik loving, letting go, loving, and choosing out. two times this year. i think. people who were there, people who gave me strength to go on, people i appreciate. all sums up to two words, thank you.
minor things lik obs. ;)
yep. next yr will be a tough yr, battling os and leaving netball. but i can do it. and i will.
i will train my hardest for netball. run my longest, throw my best, jump my highest. i'll sharpen my dodges, improve on my defending, increase my speed. i'll be a good wingattack, i'll be better than you expected, i promise. i'll try my best to have confidence when i play centre, if i ever have to. i'll help my team mates in everything, respect my captain, and learn from every single person. i'll make next yr my best netball year.
i will study hard, starting june. i won't get six points, but i'll get at least ten. i'll pass my biology, maybe a b3 or a2, and ace my chinese. i won't let my maths drop. they can only improve. amaths will be b3, emaths a1. i will do it. i'll try to pay attention during history, and try not to eat too much in class too. it's pretty hard when you sit next to lisa (heh), but next yr, i won't be. i'll be punctual in handing up my work and study real hard. i'll survive. 4s2 :)
i will treasure everyone more. respect my parents, love my sister. i will. my friends too. they're the biggest part of me, everyone. i will treasure every single friendship more.
i will lose weight!!!
that's it. long, long entry.
annie, brenda, joyce, laura, siying. you all make up my secondary school life. i don't care what pple say, we don't care. we've stayed together through tough times, will always. :)
___
Whoa. I felt SO much when I read that. Especially that bolded paragraph. You're still our star, strong girl. I'd always rmb when we sang "shou qian shou", with Brenda playing the guitar and we cried tgt at the service road. I'd never forget that period of time, I know none of us ever would.
And my O level prediction is damn cool la! Except the final L1R5, everything was correct!
Okay, back to Chemistry.
11:47 PM
This is getting to me.
10:08 PM
Sunday, June 26, 2005
2:29 PM
Ask me what I'm doing at 209am, in front of my stupid computer, looking at irrelevant people's Friendster profiles and trying to drag myself off the chair but failing miserably...
when I have a Chemistry exam on Tuesday and I'm not even 1/10 done?
Worst thing is I'm not even scared. This is so damn bad.
I tried so hard to study but come, let me tell you about my day.
11am - wake up
11am to 1pm - watch TV, eat curry rice
1pm to 4pm - 4 Trigo questions
4pm - hungry
4pm to 5pm - go Holland V to buy Subway and lots of bread
5pm to 7pm - watch TV, sleep
7pm to 8pm - Chemical bonding
8pm to 9pm - highlight of the day (read on)
9pm to 11pm - bathe, watch TV
11pm to 120am - Chemical bonding
120am to now - online doing redundant things
Okay, as I was saying.
HIGHLIGHT OF the DAY - I WENT SHOPPING.
Oh my gosh. It's retail therapy man! My sweet sister brought me there cause I was like "WHAT?" after she came home with many shirts and skirts and telling me how much they cost.
Factory Outlet Store (FOS) opposite Holland V, everybody check it out.
Flooded with branded (Nette called me a brand whore. I'm not) T-shirts (love of my life) which are DIRT CHEAP. I really mean, dirt cheap. One Abercrombie and Fitch shirt for S$14.90. Come on man, we don't even have A&F in Singapore, but now we're talking about S$14.90. There are other US brands like Jill Stuart, American Eagle etc. (I'm not good with brands haha), and the shirts are all around that price.
There are skirts at about S$19.90 each (haha all about size 0 to size 2, so if you're not Giel, don't bother) and mommy clothes so you can bring your mommy along to pay for you!
Best thing is, new stock weekly. Yes, I think I've become a die-hard shopaholic. I bought 4 tops, and I love them! It's heaven, really. Thinking about it makes me excited. -Smiles dreamily-
Yeah la yeah la, I'm a freaking bimbo. But I must say, the shopping helped me destress alot. Gonna study till morning. ENERGETIC!
Toodles.
2:09 AM
Saturday, June 25, 2005
I just want to sit and stare at you
Happy happy! Energy's concert is coming (gasp scream squeal!) so I'm "revising" old songs and learning new songs. Haha! My whole winamp is flooded with nothing but Energy, oh how blissful can life get.
Speaking of revising and learning, Energy songs over Chemistry, anytime. But of course that's not possible. Yesterday's studying was okay.
Scary. Two more days to GP, then Chemistry (lol), then Econs, then Math (you know I worked SO HARD for Math I think I'd be devestated if I don't get at least a D),then Chinese. Ah, save the best two for the last! THEN it's PARTY TIME.
Missing you is such a sad song.
12:38 PM
Friday, June 24, 2005
I guess I was weak, couldn't even hide it
And so I surrendered, just to hear your voice
I survived my studying night! Enough slacking, gonna start on my Chemistry (FINALLY) today. Intensive lesson with my sister first, then maybe back to school to study with my monkies. I just can't not see them for one day, can I?
Come on, we all have to keep going. Think of ALL the things we can do after our common tests. Push Push Push! (Go on, Giel. Go on! -wink-)
Okay. For me, it's shopping (alot of that), Lisa Jo and Kai (!!!), and oh my gosh ENERGY. That's enough to keep me busy for quite long. Then I gotta start studying again for promos. Lol.
Okay off I go!
12:40 PM
Thursday, June 23, 2005
'Cause you're only almost here
Today was fun :D
Spent time with my darlings and we watched Initial D. I loved it! Jay Chou is SO FREAKING HOT I'm going to marry him! Even Shawn and Edison paled in comparison, but I think it's on purpose cause Jay is supposed to be the lead but who cares, I love him. Annie, don't snatch with me ah :P
After what happened today, I really think I'm a very bad person. Why can't I be a nicer person? I don't even try hard enough.
But anyway, I'm feeling really stressed out. I need need need need need to study very hard tonight. Gonna do Econs, then have Math as break (that's how much I love math haha). But my Chemistry, I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED. I'm so dead. Sigh.
Okay, off to bathe then gonna stay awake to study tonight! Wish me luck.
10:26 PM
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
I think I know why I was feeling so empty the last few days. My days have been so packed. I leave the house before breakfast, and reach home after dinner. Not that I play or anything, I'm always doing sth productive - netball or studying, whichever. But perhaps I need more space to myself, to relfect on things, people, happenings, things along that line. But because I'm always so busy (busy studying, eek), I wake up and I go, I reach home and I sleep or use the computer. Perhaps it's the lack of time with my family and my dog as well. I just don't like to feel so exhausted.
Not that I'm not exhausted today la. I just feel refreshed. I was still out from morning till night, still going to be tmr from morning till night... sigh. I need to recharge after tmr. I need to.
Anyway, enough of that. Today is supposed to be happy!
Actually nothing much happened. Had tuition, slacked (read: gossiped) in school with the netballers and bitchy Huishan, then down to Kallang for our match. I think it was q a good match, considering that we're working on a brand new combination and all. Ah ah ah, I had an achievement! I played 4 quarters of Centre! Haha. Yeah, so I'm half dead now but hey, I survived it :D Haha. Gotta go train up stamina!!!
I'm tired, just plain tired. I need to go rest. Maybe because I've been seeing/hearing lots of things that remind me of you these few days too. Thinking more than I should be but oh well!
Talking to Nette on the phone now. Later!
10:39 PM
A little too hard; don't you think I deserve better.
12:34 AM
Monday, June 20, 2005
Dazed and shattered now it hurts
Haven't I always loved you
6:18 PM
I know I keep saying this but I miss Nette! Without her life is just so empty. (and Energy-less)
Basically, I slept and ate my day away. Tried hard to study but only did a little Math. Going back to do a little more now. Training at 8-freaking-AM tmr, can't sleep too late. Help.
Was blog-hopping just now. I seldom do that. SA people, Crescent people, random people.
And I realised... my life revolves too much around myself and my friends. I'm not saying that's sth bad. It's alright, just simple. But I find myself thinking - would I rather simplicity or something more exciting, more colourful?
I think that's what I mean by greedy, I hate to miss out, I just want to have everything. Perhaps my life is neither simple nor colourful enough. Stuck in between. Nah... actually I think I'm happy the way I am.
I just need to be a better person. I really do. I need to be more accepting, less judgemental, less shallow (haha), LESS INSECURE. I need to look into the hearts of others, look past what and who they are on the outside and allow myself to know more abt the people around me. I think I've been building my stupid wall for too long, I need to take it down. I'm too selfish, or may I say, self-centred. I think too little abt others, and that's wrong. I need to open up, and allow other pple to open up to me.
Jason said sth yesterday. He said I'm always looking happy but I keep too many thoughts in me. Hmm. The happy part no, I don't think I hide my unhappiness but the thoughts part... maybe, I don't know. I think it's very unintentional. Nowadays I don't know who I can turn to anymore. Ironic? I think I'm just scared la.
Okay. Too much rubbish. Good night.
12:05 AM
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Happy Saturday! I enjoyed myself very much today :D
Tuition, then over to Germs' house to study. (more like sleep and eat)
Met Jason and Huishan in town for dinner. HAHA damn funny!!! I miss them so much okay :( Just like the good old days. Talked and laughed and went crazy trying to act like tourists. Thanks for everything today, more of this soon!
I need to settle down to serious studying. I'm shit scared.
And Nette, come back please. I miss you! (it's only been one freaking day lol)
I'm actually very tired, but gotta wait for my hair to dry.
Life is good!
I'm a addic- I'm addicted to you
I can't pretend I don't care, when you don't think about me
Do you think I deserve this?
I tried to make you happy but you left anyway
I'm trying to forget that I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it, I'm addicted to you
Now it's over, can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker
Since the day I met you, and after all we've been through
I'm still addic- I'm addicted to you
I think u know that it's true, I'd run a thousand miles to get u
Do you think I deserve this?
I tried to make you happy, I did all that I could
Just to keep you, but you left anyway
How long will I be waiting, until the end of time
I don't know why I'm still waiting, I can't make you mine
Heartbreaker, I'm addicted to you
Haha. Feeling very ouch now. Maybe life isn't so good after all.
1:30 AM
Friday, June 17, 2005
PT was horrible, my stamina sucks so bad :( Nvm, train train train!
Headed to town to shop for Jen's presents (I bought chunky beads! My mom HATES them haha) with Maylene and Tric.
Germs came, travelled all the way to the airport. Giel came rushing in late. Oh yes. Our dear Giel was lost and she ended coming OUT of the arrival hall, the baggage claim place. Haha. Stupid girl walked right in la!
We surprised Jen with a big board, a cake, an eeyore, and a green sports bra! Haha. No link? But I missed our Jenny!!! Hope you enjoyed today, you know we love you :D
Amidst all the fun and laughter, there's still an emptiness I can't hide. I think about you and it makes me sad. I wish I could see your smile, just one last, final time.
NETTE - I'll miss you, my Energy updater and constant sms-er :( Come back soon and buy lots of things!!! Love <3 Kunwang dreams for the 2 nights I won't be able to talk to you.
11:34 PM
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Studied at JE library (again) with Maylene and Germs. (again, but where's Giel?) Today was okay, quite productive. In comparison la, at least.
I'm still VERY scared. I've been doing non-stop math... Econs can catch up... but my Chemistry. Oh, the horror, my Chemistry. Panic panic panic!
There's PT tmr. No complaints. We need it!
Okay, off to do Econs and maybe some Math. Energy on TV later :D
10:16 PM
I miss you :( Come back soon or I'll steal your PTS away!
1:03 AM
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete
I've actually got a lot to say, but I don't know how to put into words. I'm a greedy person, I can never learn to be contented. Worst thing is, I don't even know what is missing. It's just like an uncompleted puzzle, but the last piece doesn't exist.
On a lighter note, ;) to Annie.
11:13 PM
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Had a game against Nike Swoosh yesterday. It was a much better game than the one against SRC II, really proud of us. Even with 2 players (JENNY WO XIANG NI!) away, two defenders down, we still managed to keep the team morale high and I think that's something good.
Thank you Annie for coming down to support yesterday :D You're such a star!
Germs and Giel came over for a sleepover. Had our usual heart-to-heart talk ;) Now Maylene's over. Haha. Studying, I promise!
GIEL AND MAYLENE - Hey babes! (though you're just behind me) Take care of your ankles okay? Fow now, we'll be your escorters. We miss our star defenders. :D Love.
It just scares me. I don't want to revisit all the bad memories, I really don't.
5:32 PM
Saturday, June 11, 2005
11:02 PM
Digressing abit first, I just watched Energy on TV. Melt melt. They always bring me to a place where there's nothing bad, just fun and excitement, a very fairy-tale like feeling. Away from reality, away from everything I don't want to think about. I think that's one of the reasons why I like them so much... they make me happy, nothing else. But the fall back to reality is hard.
Anyway, chalet was fun! Haha. Had a big-group talk again :) Love my darlings, and I miss the J2s already!
Ate, talked, took pictures, gave presents, played mahjong, gave Ah Sian and Jen cake, played cards. Talked and took pictures the most. Stayed up the whole night with Ali, Fang-er, Tric and Giel cause I didn't see a point in sleeping since I had to leave so early. Haha. Indian poker at 6am was damn funny la!
I'll put the pictures up when imagestation.com decides to work.
Anyway, left Chalet at 6am to look for Nette at Harbour Front! Thanks for queueing while I wasn't there. Had a 12-hour wait that passed q fast. Haha. ENERGY!!! Sigh. It's so sad that this'd probably be the last time they'd ever hold an autograph session. But they were all very nice except tired Ahdi who was in pain. My Shuwei :D -BEAMS-
Matching shirts!
Yep. So that summarises my two exciting but shit tiring days.
Had training in the morning... was super tired. I've gotta start working harder and get things right.
Energy again tmr, then tuition, then watching NSL with my team mates.
MAYLENE - Hey sweets. You take care of that ankle of yours okay? We'd visit you if you can't walk and be your clutches/wheelchair! You won't be left alone, no worries. I'd miss you on court :( BUT make sure it heals completely first. Love. Hug hug. PS. You better not do it again I tell you, we'll kill you!
GIEL - Everything will be okay because we'd always be behind you.
Oh yes, I was talking about being fickle? Haha. Joke, joke ;)
Alright. Good night world.
9:07 PM
Chalet was great, Energy was even better. (Haha... I prefer Energy to netballers, yes.)
I'm going to sleep. Peace out!
I must be the most fickle person on earth. Hahahahaha.
4:04 PM
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
We had a game against SRC II today, lost quite badly. But that really isn't the point... I love my team. It's our first competitive game tgt, and I've never felt so good. No doubt we still have alot more to work on, but I believe that, with our hands all joined tgt, we can achieve wonders. I love my team.
Tric - Sorry for all the dumb passes. I'd work hard on them, I promise I'd never make you stretch so much again ;)
I think Tric is my favourite person ever! HAHA.
Yingzhen - GREAT PLAY! I love playing with you and after today, even more so. Let's work hard tgt, yes? Stamina training for us!
Jo - Thanks for coming down darls! You know I love you!
Baked oreo cheesecake and strawberry cheesecake for the netball chalet tmr. Woots!
Gonna have netball game against soccer boys (HAHA) tmr morning, then chalet.
Shit tired now but I can't sleep. Gonna conference with Maylene and Germs again... I think I'm addicted to them, which is really gross.
You're still my most precious one.
11:27 PM
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
The Keys to Your Heart |
You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart. |
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. |
You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. |
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. |
Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love. |
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. |
You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage. |
In this moment, you think of love as something you want. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily. |
This super cool thing from Nette, which is 90% true! Haha.
Went studying at the library with darlings. Was rather productive. Gonna do more Econs later. Nat leaugue tmr!
Maybe I'm the one who changed... I don't know, I think so. But it's just hard for me to look at you the same way again.
I love Nette! -HUG-
10:18 PM
Okay, pictures for Trio outing!
Nette and I, happy with our Energy albums :D
Slurps!
With my wand and my pretty box! Birthday present fron Janny!
DELIGHTED with my 7 pairs of earrings!!! -KISSES JAN-
Fondue, anyone?
Haha. Nette was too embarrassed of us.
There, my favourite Trio.
My new earrings! Yes Jan, a girl can never have enough earrings.
QUEEN! From Nette. Super sweet.
Messy table with my new shirts! Haha.
Alright. Off I go.
12:56 AM
Monday, June 06, 2005
Met Maylene in the aftnoon to do some shopping. As usual. Miss that fat babe already.
Then after that, TRIO MEETING! Surprise surprise, Jan was late. Haha. Nette and I shopped!!! (I'm a shopaholic help me, I spend too freaking much)
I got two shirts, white (finally, my ONLY white top now, believe it or not) and green :D Haha. Nette and I bought the same green shirt so we can go see Energy in it. How exciting.
Did quite a bit of catching up with my darlings. Love them! Talking to irritating Nette on the phone now. She's always disturbing me, big fat sigh. She demands such a high level of attention.
Team talk tmr. Yep.
Probably studying with the netballers (and Jo, the half-netballer) after that. Haha. Miss my oh-so darlings, as Nette calls them. Haha.
It's always sad when couples have to break up when they still have feelings for each other. I hope time will heal all wounds. -HUG-
I found my necklace today. I don't really know what to feel.
12:37 AM
Sunday, June 05, 2005
Okay I love Energy. They wrote personal notes to us, and Milk, Kunda and Ahdi (damn that Shuwei) all included Toro in their messages. Toro will always be part of Energy :D You have no idea how happy I am, I think Toro will cry if he reads it.
Sigh, such bitter sweet memories. At this time last year, my laughter and my tears were all because of Energy. Now things are just so different but I still love my Energy. A lot.
This is most likely gonna be their last album, but I know that every single detail will always stay with me. (and Nette! haha)
Anyway, I need to get my ass down to studying. I need to. Next week is gonna be so packed.
Wed - nat leaugue
Thurs - match against soccer boys (HAHA) and chalet
Fri - ENERGY
Sat - rest
Sun - ENERGY
Mon - slumber party!
Woohoo. But I still need to get my ass down to studying.
Gonna meet Maylene for a short while later for window shopping (no $$$), then Trio for dinner! Haha. My belated birthday dinner. So exciting.
Had a long talk with Maylene and Germs last night. I don't know. I just hope that through all the senseless judgements, we'd still survive as one, strong.
I'm sorry for every single person who is being dragged into this because of me. I'm just really sorry. I don't know how to right my wrongs, I wish I knew what went wrong in the first place.
Alright. Off I go.
12:56 PM
Saturday, June 04, 2005
12:05 AM
Friday, June 03, 2005
I think my life's been too perfect, that's why. It's been a long time since I've felt like this. It was definitely about time I meet with some obstacles, but isn't this a bit too much?
I tried so hard, but clearly nothing has changed. After say, 1 1/2 years, it has always only been you.
I hate the way I'm so f-ing weak, I hate the way I still wish I could be the one you're smiling back at.
Oh, Ahdi's leaving Energy, I don't know what to feel. My poor boys.
And we have our new captains, Ata as captain and Tric as vice-captain. And our darling MAMA M as secretary :) I believe this is the best choice possible, and that with them as our eyes, we can bring glory to the team.
Okay, I'm squeezed dry. Good night.
12:09 AM