Sunday, July 31, 2005

I'm trying to do differentiation but I can't I must be dumb. I can't even do differentiation, help oh help me.

But I'm feeling better today, flu bug's almost gone!

Tmr's the beginning of another mundane week. RAH. School's getting to me.

Spent my day with Annie yesterday! Sorry I couldn't really have fun with you cause I was sleeping half the time :(

Tuiton was fun today. I think. Tricia was crazy. I really mean crazy. And get well soon Jo!

I think I'm addicted to milk plums! Yum!

And a shoutout to Khin (since you have no gbk, tagboard whatsoever) - I guess just like everyone else, I know it's extremely hard but I don't know what to do or say. Sometimes I look back on the Sec 3 days and I wish we still had each other. But we've both moved on to different chapters of our lives. When you're calling out for help, I still hope you'd drop me a message. And I know it's not abt being pretty or anything, but you're beautiful this way, really. Take care :)

Back to Math.

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

8:10 PM

Friday, July 29, 2005

The past week has been frustrating. I'm tired every single day, I sleep and it just gets worse.

I can't get settled down with school work. Every time I take out my Functions tutorial I just want to scream. I've been reading my Econs notes aimlessly.

On a lighter note, I went Friendster-surfing again. So exciting. Juicy gossips!

SA is like a fish market. People just yak non-stop. Me including, of course.

I'm not looking fwd to the weekends. I'm not looking fwd to anything.

Rewind. Christmas is happy.

WHY CAN'T I WHY CAN'T I WHY CAN'T I.

11:29 PM

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Tired. I'm just plain tired.

Haven't it always been like that, your ugliness shows through the unwanted transparency.

8:43 PM

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Okay ladies, Rapture pictures are UP!

Under snaps - SAJC Days III #118 onwards.

11:06 PM

Yesterday was cool!

Speech day was alright. Rapture was great! I love my darlings :D

Had family dinner at Oaks. After SO LONG. I miss my daddy! Haha. Ate so much and I'm full and happy now.

I'm starting to question some of my actions.

Emo.

I wish you didn't have to go. I miss my water bottle.

9:26 PM

"Nothing warms the heart like friendship."
- Winnie the Pooh

1:04 AM

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Merry merry merry!

I feel random tonight. Oops, must be too much of Maylene.

MAYMAY, I miss TOMMY! GERMY, I miss JERRY! And I named mine too ;) HAHA!

Maymay, Germy and Pretty Hsin are good friends. Tommy, Jerry and _____ are good friends too!

Oooooh, ANNIE! Look what I found in my gbk archives. (Yes, I'm feeling THAT random)

738
annie.

ahaha.i ask u whether u want to go back and eat.who call u to say u dun want.not my fault arh! u're the one who say u dun want k.in the end hav to leave my poor button mushrooms and bouncy fishballs floating in the water pathetically.they must be damn sad.=( ahahaha.

Haha, xiang dan nian... the good old days. I miss steamboat!!!

10:34 PM

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Shopping was SHIT tiring. But it was fun and at least it was productive for them!

PT yesterday was horrendous. Almost died. BUT I'm glad I pushed myself and survived it cause I felt great after that :D

Life's a blur. Nothing's happening.

But I know I'm thinking a lot these days. Most of the time I'm okay but the nights get pretty lonely. Oh, and bus rides. Lonely bus rides. LOL.

Aiya, I have to work hard work hard work hard! Off to do GPP. Yes I feel like screaming cause I hate hate hate PW so f-ing much but I've got no choice.

And I wish I was thin la DAMMIT.

Angsty night.

11:09 PM

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

!!!!! I hate blog-hopping. Pisses me off. >:( OKAY, I'M JUST BEING SORE, PETTY AND JEALOUS LA. $#%@!#@$@$

In the freezing-cold library with Maylene now. Gonna have PT later. Eeks.

I got a D for my Econs :D Honestly I'm very happy and contented. I know I did well, and that was beyond my own expectations. But... I still didn't manage to get my 30 points to meet Promos criteria. D for Econs, O for Math and Chem. SIAN DIAO. Gotta pull up my socks!

Maylene's jealous, Maylene's jealous, Maylene's jealous!
-Chants- LOL.

Can't comprehend why I feel this way. Could it be? Maybe things would have been different if.

Hao xiang zai bao ni yi ci, zui hou yi ci

3:08 PM

Saturday, July 16, 2005

If you're not the one

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit urs this way
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't want to run away but I can't take it
I don't understand
If I'm not made for you
Then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed
If I don't need you
Then why does your name resound in my head
If you're not for me
Then why does this distance maim my life
If you're not for me
Then why do I dream of you as my wife

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong
That it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart
And pray for the strength to stand today
Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side.

So sweet.

Anyway, today was great! Had pigging-out sessions with Annie today. I have pigging-out sessions with practically everyone I go out with la, dammit. Haha.

She came over, had a long afternoon nap and we watched TV all the way! Love my sweets.

I bought 2 new bags!!! Cheap stuff from Mandarin Hotel, on sale. Damn happy.

I'm so sleepy, as usual. Gonna sleep, then wake up and get some work done. Haven't touched them for a couple of days already.

I know more than you think I do.

8:05 PM

Friday, July 15, 2005

I've been thinking of the word for very long and I finally found it!!! One-sided. Ah, yes, fits just right. Isn't it stupid.

Aa, IdtImysm. Wyl, iwlmws. Itiawtlykhmimy, bite, ayecawtas, otbmp, s. Ifss, Irrrd. Idkwtda, irh.

Sigh. I feel fortunate that I have friends like them, I really do. Without them, I'd be totally lost.

Bati, wwtga?

Haha. I know how irritating it is, believe me. But it's fun.

I hate hate hate hate hate this.

10:26 AM

Thursday, July 14, 2005

We just got wireless and now both Jiejie and I are addicted to her very-hard-to-use laptop. HAHA. We're so sua ku. I came home and saw her stacking pigs la! -Looks at Ubri-

Anyway, today was okay but not as happy as yesterday. Still getting used to Jason's absence I guess. Really didn't think I'd miss him this much. Eh asshole, you see la all your fault!

Talked with Tric, Giel and Maylene after school today. Made me think about quite alot of things. I think I need to be a nicer person, honestly. I don't know. I don't think I portray myself as a nice enough person, and that makes me frustrated.

I'm meeting Annie for a porridge outing this Saturday ;) After her soccer match and my dental appointment. Haha!

Alright, good night. The sun will shine again tmr, we all know that life goes on.

If only, if only.

12:26 AM

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Today was a much better day! Besides the sleepy part, I was very happy the whole day :D

Cause I talked to Jason for quite a while last night! Had a missed call during the match, and it just didn't occur to me that it could be him. But he called again at 12+ am, thankfully :D Haha he's still as much an asshole as ever, so it's like things never changed. Had stupid bitching sessions (more like me bitching la I know) halfway across the world. But it really brightened my day la asshole, you have no idea how much I miss you :(

And I passed my GP!!! Haha. Got a C6. I'm actually quite happy, considering I didn't even work for it.

I'm gonna bathe, take a nap, then study hard. You'd be wanting to study hard to if you failed everything like me.

There's still a nagging emptiness, but I know I'm getting better every day.

5:23 PM

Monday, July 11, 2005

I'm sorry I let my personal feelings affect my play. It shouldn't have.

Thank you for all your support today, thank you for your shoulders. I wouldn't have survived without you guys. I know I was hell to be with, just give me a little bit more time.

Who would understand, who can ease this pain.

Okay enough. Off to bathe.

11:30 PM

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Standing at the edge of the earth

I knew that this moment would come in time
That I'd have to let go and watch you fly
I know you're coming back so why am I dying inside

Are you searching for words that you can't find
Trying to hide your emotions but eyes don't lie
Guess there's no easy way to say goodbye

So I'll be standing at the edge of the earth
Hoping that someday you'll come back again
I'll be standing at the edge of the earth hoping for someday

Don't misunderstand what I'm trying to say
I don't want to let you leave this way
I want you know that I'll stand right by your side

And I know this may be
The very last time that we see each other cry
But whatever happens know that

I'll be standing at the edge of the earth
Hoping that one day you'll come back again
I'll be standing at the edge of the earth
Hoping that someday you'll come back to me
I'll be praying for whatever it's worth
Believing that one day you'll come back to me
I'll be standing at the edge of the earth
Hoping for someday

Waiting for someday Believing in someday
Praying for someday, I'll be
Longing for someday Clinging to someday
Cherishing someday, I'll be
Thinking of someday Dreaming of someday
Wishing for someday, I'll be
Living for someday Counting on someday
Knowing that one day, I will see you.

I need to pen my feelings down, I don't ever want to forget this day. And Jason, that's for you.

Went down to the airport to send Jason off, and it was flooded with his friends. Everyone was there, his classmates, his team mates, his secondary school friends, our OG mates, his drama friends etc. I think it was that scene that really made me realise this time he's really going. He's really going, and he won't be back for a long, long time. He's leaving to lead a new life, a life without all of us, a life without me.

I've always taken him for granted, assuming he'd just always be there, even after I knew he was leaving. I guess I never really expressed it, but he is really important to me.

I don't know how to continue. I'm feeling a whirlpool of emotions. Everything just happened too fast. I still can't let it sink in, that I'd have no one to sms when I'm bored, no one to look over to at the tennis table next to ours, no one to wiggle my 2 fingers with, no one to have stupid eating competitions with, no one to whack during lectures, no one to this, no one to that. I feel so empty.

It was a painful day. People just cried. And cried.

Jason, thank you for all the memories. I'd keep them with me, always. Please promise to take care of yourself over there. I'll miss you so much.

I've never felt this much pain for a long time. Yingzhen's right, after today, I'm really going to start treasuring my friends.

To add on to that, today's the last day we're gonna have Energy with us too. The past few days have been so wonderful. Now I really know why I've always loved Energy so much.

"This is the end. Thank you for all the wonderful memories, Energy. I'll never part with them." - Nette.

Goodbye, Energy. As you promised, we said our farewells amidst fun and laughter. The Encore song was We are family, which was pretty weird. But yes, now I know. You've brought so much joy into our lives, and even as you leave, you'd want to leave us with that.

It scares me just thinking that today would be the very last day I'd see my boys standing on the stage, singing for us. Yesterday's concert a little short of grand and magnificent, but touching nonetheless. I wish I could freeze time, I just want to stay in my Energy-world forever. I don't want them to go I don't want them to go I DON'T WANT THEM TO GO. But we all have to learn to let go.

These 3 years have been a long and painful journey. Even though I only joined in halfway, I have to say, I learnt alot. 5 years later, I hope to see my 5 boys on the stage again, together, just like it was 3 years ago, 12 July 2002.

Energy, keep all our last goodbyes with you. Don't ever ever ever forget this.
"Wo men de shi jie, yong ji yi xiang lian"

Our worlds, linked by the memories. Always and forever.

This is the end. Thank you for all the wonderful memories, Energy. I'll never part with them.

It hurts to the bone, all these sad goodbyes. It's too much for me to take.

11:40 PM

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Wo zhi xiang wen yi ge wen ti, ni hao ma?

TODAY is Energy Concert Day. Gosh, we've been waiting for this day for so long!

It'll be a very busy weekend for me. So much to do. Have a game against Spitfire on Monday.

We had training yesterday, and Mr Teh talked to us. I'm sure it touched all of our hearts, what he said. I was really shocked at his words. It really got us thinking. We've been too caught up with ourselves (as usual) and our happiness, we forgot what we were fighting for. Do we want to be a happy but f-ing lousy team? I don't think so. He's right. Happiness is no doubt important, but it's not everything. We need to learn. I'm glad he talked to us abt it, cause he made damn alot of sense.

I think my life would be a lot better if I was thin.

Learning how to sing ji xu now. I know it'd be very touching when we all sing it tgt with Energy so gotta know. I hated that song like mad because it's so obviously directed to Toro and that makes me want to cry. I still feel the little prick but I just realised that it's a very nice song. I'M SO EXCITED. Nette and I were thinking, encore song should either be yong yuan bu shuo zai jian or wo men. I prefer yong yuan, cause it's Toro-ish too! Haha shit man, I'm really so excited.

Gonna bathe now. Toodles!

11:31 AM

Friday, July 08, 2005

Think of me
Think of me fondly when we've said goodbye
Remember me once in a while, please promise me you'll try
When you find
That once again you long to take your heart back and be free
If you ever find a moment spare a thought for me

We never said our love was evergreen or as unchanging as the sea.
But if you can still remember, stop and think of me
Think of all the things we've shared and seen
Don't think about the way things might've been

Think of me
Think of me waking, silent and resigned
Imagine me
Trying too hard to put you from my mind
Recall those days, look back on all those times
Think of the things we'll never do
There will never be a day when I won't think of you

1:18 AM

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Sigh. My mom can be so sweet sometimes. I failed 2 out of my 3 A level subjects so far and she just reprimanded me for awhile and told me it's okay, just work harder for promos. She's damn right man, I'm gonna work my ass off. This is too bad.

I'm think I'm suffering from low self-esteem crisis
:( HAHA.

Energy was okay. Very nothing. Stupid fans.

10:20 PM

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Wo xiang wo zhi dao, yan lei de wei dao
Ceng jing fu chu de mei yi tian mei yi nian
Wo bu ceng xiang tao


I got an O for my Chemistry. It made me think. I deserve that O, I didn't even know my work until one 4 days before the exams. It is already a gift. But honestly, what am I doing with my life? This isn't how things were supposed to be like. I really gotta start pulling up my socks.

I think I've been living in a world of my own. Until these few days, I've never even thought of sticking my head out to see how it is beyond these walls. Things just aren't always the way they seem. People come and people go. We, are unpredictable. Therefore vulnerable.

Isn't happy too vague, too overwhelming a word? I've always wanted something simple, but simplicity in itself is complex.

What happened to our empty promises?

On a lighter note, Energy is coming tmr. I need time to catch up with dear old Nette.

11:59 PM

Okay, our "holidays" are gonna officially come to an end, starting tmr. It's back to old, mundane, routined school. True that I can see them everyday now, but didn't I see them everyday during the holidays too? Haha. I need my beauty sleep...

LISA'S BACK!!! -BEAMS- Jo too! Haha. Gonna meet the two of them and Kai for Sakae buffet tmr. It's back to the good old days, whereby it's just food and us. Pure bliss.

And and and, Energy's coming on Thursday! Gonna pick them up from the airport with Queen. Concert on Saturday (I'm VERY excited) and there's autograph session for gai ban on Sunday. Oh gosh I can't wait.

But in a way, I think I don't want them to come either. That'll mean I'll always have sth to look fwd to, like I know that they'd still come. But this trip would most probably be their last and I don't want it to end just like that. Sigh.

I'm very tired but I need to get the GPP done.

12:05 AM

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Due to popular demand by the idiots (they must be DYING by now lol), pictures are up. Under snaps - SAJC Days III. We take too many pictures, really.

Today was good and bad.

It's so clear. I almost went mad.

12:11 AM

Sunday, July 03, 2005

I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

I'm back! Haha. Yes, my internet connection is finally back.

Common tests were okay, a little weird. I don't know. I just don't want to get triple F :( Really studied my ass off for this man.

But anyway, Friday was rocking man! Had fun with my darlings. Had dinner, watched War of the Worlds (DAMN GOOD), had a walking marathon with heels, and then back to Maylene's house for a sleepover. Talked with them till 6am, and slept.

FOS with Maylene yesterday. Bought another white cardigan-like thing. Nice!

Annie's over :D Baking brownies and cookies. Haha. Missed my darling! (but her common tests aren't over :P)

It's just a fragment of the past I can't leave behind.

2:36 PM